(To "New Techno" station on Pandora)


TRANSFORMING AWAY FROM ME

Damn
never had a problem with dating vanilla
true love is blind

but you
you blow past
any white guys I have ever seen.

perfect body
smile that seems to
rearrange my molecular structure
and the funny thing is
you really don't even know I exist
I mean sure you talk to me
but its that
tolerating
not really wanting to be bothered kind of talking
I sincerely doubt you like chocolate

thats your business

Then I find out
you are transitioning
changing into
some other person
same person actually
but
no more package
no more facial hair
longer hair on top too

I feel like
I'm being slapped in the face
liking a dude
whos changing
I guess changing into
a version of his skin
he's more comfortable being in

but man
GOD made you so damn beautiful
and its terrible inside
you don't see
just how fucking fine you are
(I'm sure you realize your effect on others
just as I'm certain you get that
crush vibe from me
when you're around me)

man I wish I could clone you
before the man is gone
before I can only see him again in photos
or images reconstructed in my minds eye.

I would raise you
accelerating your growth with magic
teach you all those manly things
a manly man is supposed to know
(or maybe just have one of those annoyingly
over masculine guys I know
take you under their wing
so they could influence you
influence you to use the mens restroom
and play some rough sports
so that you would come home
excreting pheremones everywhere.
That came out sounding nastier than intended)

Alas
you're gonna take him away from me
that man who was never mine to begin with
not even in fantasies
I struggle to imagine life with
an unattainable reality
seems so far away
you know what I mean?

Pretty soon
you're gonna be transitioning
out of my life
not looking back
on life
as a man
forgetting the past
learning to think as she
as internally
I will mourn his passing
the him that was you
yet ultimately
never you.

How could anyone remain a he
that never felt any of it was the truth.

Inside
he was always the trapped soul of
she.

When that day finally comes
be brave in your new life
run free
and never look back.