Funny the way my life has been.
People come and they go.
Some say things
do things
sending some things
that might be construed as clues
that they want
something from me
but I have no idea what they want from me.
People confuse the hell out of me.
Some come saying they wanna help fund me
then when its time
I gotta ask
and they go dark
offline
no call no show
no texts.
A big muscle man said hello
told me his instagram was hacked
when I asked him if everything was okay
since I hadn't seen him in awhile.
Tried to have a conversation
think I scared him away(?)
Always feel like I said the wrong thing
you know?
But perhaps I shoulda been suspicious from the start
that some big muscle guy
looking like that would wanna get at
a nerd like me.
Trying so hard
not to give up
but mostly I feel I already have.
Tired of people and the games
no one really says
what they want or how they feel
anymore.
Dealing with guys is just lumped in with
all those ugly
scary
mysterious things
probably out to get me.
Who has time for foolishness?
*
Keep thinking so much
of moving
moving somewhere
far away
somewhere I can start all over again
but I've not decided where.
Keep thinking its Michigan
or even as far away
as another country
ain't nothing to it
but to do it.
Just gotta save up that moolah
and decide what I'm gonna do with
all this stuff I've got.
Can't take everything with me.
So much stuff
videogames
comics
dvds
cds
gadgets
figurines
lego blocks.
Need to make a decision soon
keep feeling 2018 is gonna be the year it happens
the year the kid moves.
(After he gets his first book/film/whatever deal)
Saturday, April 21, 2018
Sunday, April 8, 2018
(Soundtrack provided by "Tall Black Guy" courtesy of the all mighty Youtube.)
Sometimes it blows my mind some of the crazy things that happen to me. Thankfully we are usually able to bounce back from terrible moments. Bad decisions. I had to learn a life lesson I guess. For some reason. Maybe this will help serve me in the future....it'll sure make me alot less trustworthy of people. Well staying with people when I take trips anyway. I pretty much had my entire vacation trip ruined by a guy I went to visit in Oakland last Sunday (never got to try the VR and missed the comic con too) because after what seemed to be turning out to be a good fun filled visit he flipped on me during a stupid argument and then kicked me out in the middle of the night. It really put me in a bad situation because I was out in the middle of unfamiliar territory. Because of issues with my cellphone I had get a stranger to call a LYFT for me. Ended up catching a greyhound all the way back to LA. Angry....confused and feeling sick mentally as well as physically I returned to my apartment to lick my wounds and recover. I still literally feel sick to my stomach at times when I think about how homeboy treated me. The way he put me out it was as if I was the ultimate evil committing the worst offense. All I did was in conversation ask him "What is your ideal weight?" He turned that into an interrogation why I asked then when he didn't get the answer he wanted and I tried to brush things off jokingly he snapped asking me suddenly to get out which I thought about doing early on in the argument. I wish I had honestly. Dude has some issues. he gained alot of weight and I paid the price for being concerned. Yet never did I judge him or try to come at him in any malicious way. Sometimes I wonder if this came about because of some recent mental injuries he's suffered due to brain surgery. Seriously the rage that came from this guy tore thru me like a razor thru cardboard. As long as I recall I've always been sensitive to psychic energy from people. Gotta learn better how to shield myself. Already got enough on my table. Don't need to absorb any more negative energy from anyone. So life goes on and a friendship died. Was actually NUKED right out of the earth leaving behind a damn crater but I will survive. Got too many other things in life to worry about. Hopefully dude will get some kind of help for his issues and just not hurt any more good people. Hopefully he will bounce back and his story will have a happy ending instead of one that is tragic and sad. Find your way back to the light man.
****
Finally started cleaning up around here. Finally started making some really progress in some of these videogames I put down a while ago. Finally got fully focused on a project. "Sasquatch and the Mythology Sisterhood" is that new project. Its another SonsofLegend spin off. Deals with the time misplaced Sasquatch of another age who joins forces with a group of women (some are sisters) who have powers. They all team up to fight evil. Its nice to be writing something and not bumping heads with anyone over decisions I make. Yeah it is good to work in a team. At times it is but mostly its better for me when I have all the control. Another life lesson I had to learn. I'm just about done with people telling me what to do or having control over my life. A writing team has agreed to work with me on polishing my new script. They're gonna give me a good rate. Typically they charge $200.00 per page but since my project is an 8 minute film they're giving me a reduced rate. Gotta fill out the contract and start with the payments this week. I'm pretty excited. Probably gonna wait until the script is done before I reach out to the cast or before starting to assemble a crew. Some folks said they might would be able to contribute moolah. Not gonna hold my breath though. I know how that goes. People talk a good talk but you gotta show me the money otherwise its just empty promises. I can do my webseries without anyone giving me money you know? I got a job. Still any help would be great. We will see if anyone makes good on their promises. Like I said....not gonna hold my breath.
****
Things are getting crazy with the Daughters project. I heard that there were some major disageements and threats of a lawsuit. Yikes. The film is done but right now things are on hold due to lack of funds and I guess because the guys have to sort things out. I am gonna meet with some of the guys later today to view the footage they shot. Last night on the phone Raulzilla said they needed my input on something. I'm still trying to distance myself from the project. Mostly I'm tired of being....well mad. Mad because things didn't turn out how I planned. Mad because so many changes were made on the script we'd worked on for so long. Mad because sooooooo much money was spent. Who knows maybe after I see what they put together today I will not be so worried about money. Nice Monster Productions really spent alot. The film is almost 30 minutes in length. The goal is to get it edited,scored and "special effected". No rush. Then they wanna either sell it to a distributer or put it in some film festivals. Since they have a couple of well known talents involved that should help open up some doors....make the process easier. Not sure what of myself I can give since I have my own side projects going on. As much as I adore Nasty Monster Productions I just can't go back to butting heads with him and all those arguments with him and Raulzilla most certainly caused me a bunch of nervous breakdowns. Migraines....erratic heartbeats and just a general sense of unrest always dreading what was coming next with conversations and meetings then much of my passion for the film dwindled. I'm okay. We're all okay. I guess after writing the basic concept and creating most of the characters I'm not sure what else I can contribute at this point since I stepped away handing all control to the fellas.
****
Wed or Thurs I took an Uber over to an event called "Game Night". Its put together by a local support group for Black gay men. I'd recieved a text invite maybe a few days before so I figured it would be a good thing to get out of the house and attempt to socialize. Unfortunately when I got there I had to turn right back around because the person who sent the text had gotten the days wrong. Turns out said event wasn't until the next day. There went my chance to try and meet other brothas into videogames. The guy really tried to get me to promise and return the next day but I told him it wasn't likely to happen. I was still kinda dealing with a slightly runny nose. This missed opportunity made me think about something a gay gamers group on facebook posted earlier today. The topic was if you were a gamer would you mind dating a non-gamer person. My response was about my own experience as a gay Black man who likes videogames. Many Black men I run across don't play the types of games I do. Usually they seem to be not sexually compatible with me or they don't even date other Black men for whatever reason. Also gay gamers like alot of gay men seem to be into those almost hyper masculine type fellas. I think alot of gay guys say they want a gamer for a hubby or whatever but it seems they actuallyare more into the types of guys who rarely play videogames at all. I think we want the unfamiliar or perhaps we are obsessed with being with hyper masculine types even if many have issues that make them non LTR material. Just my observation. Yeah it would be cool to be with another gamer yet from my own experiences other gamer types have not been into me. What I get is older guys.....fem guys. People REALLY out of shape or with social issues. Guess I've just learned to look at people beyond the surface. What I mean to say is just because "he" comes along and say the right things and is nice with seemingly good chemistry you have to look and see what traits he possesses. Is he just on good behavior till you get to know him? Is he simply using that charming smile and muscles to get by? With no real personality beyond that? You can be out of shape to a degree and I can overlook certain social issues because the world takes a toll on all of us but I'm not gonna just get with you because you happen to come along and say the right things anymore. Its more important for me to take the time to get to know you to make sure you are not out here to put a hurtin on me. I used to think that all gay folks would get along just like I used to feel safe whenever other Black folks would come around but that was a long time ago. People are all individuals who have to earn your trust over time just like after you spend some time getting to know them you'll discover if you can put up with each others shit. And it doesn't matter whether or not they are into videogames.
Sometimes it blows my mind some of the crazy things that happen to me. Thankfully we are usually able to bounce back from terrible moments. Bad decisions. I had to learn a life lesson I guess. For some reason. Maybe this will help serve me in the future....it'll sure make me alot less trustworthy of people. Well staying with people when I take trips anyway. I pretty much had my entire vacation trip ruined by a guy I went to visit in Oakland last Sunday (never got to try the VR and missed the comic con too) because after what seemed to be turning out to be a good fun filled visit he flipped on me during a stupid argument and then kicked me out in the middle of the night. It really put me in a bad situation because I was out in the middle of unfamiliar territory. Because of issues with my cellphone I had get a stranger to call a LYFT for me. Ended up catching a greyhound all the way back to LA. Angry....confused and feeling sick mentally as well as physically I returned to my apartment to lick my wounds and recover. I still literally feel sick to my stomach at times when I think about how homeboy treated me. The way he put me out it was as if I was the ultimate evil committing the worst offense. All I did was in conversation ask him "What is your ideal weight?" He turned that into an interrogation why I asked then when he didn't get the answer he wanted and I tried to brush things off jokingly he snapped asking me suddenly to get out which I thought about doing early on in the argument. I wish I had honestly. Dude has some issues. he gained alot of weight and I paid the price for being concerned. Yet never did I judge him or try to come at him in any malicious way. Sometimes I wonder if this came about because of some recent mental injuries he's suffered due to brain surgery. Seriously the rage that came from this guy tore thru me like a razor thru cardboard. As long as I recall I've always been sensitive to psychic energy from people. Gotta learn better how to shield myself. Already got enough on my table. Don't need to absorb any more negative energy from anyone. So life goes on and a friendship died. Was actually NUKED right out of the earth leaving behind a damn crater but I will survive. Got too many other things in life to worry about. Hopefully dude will get some kind of help for his issues and just not hurt any more good people. Hopefully he will bounce back and his story will have a happy ending instead of one that is tragic and sad. Find your way back to the light man.
****
Finally started cleaning up around here. Finally started making some really progress in some of these videogames I put down a while ago. Finally got fully focused on a project. "Sasquatch and the Mythology Sisterhood" is that new project. Its another SonsofLegend spin off. Deals with the time misplaced Sasquatch of another age who joins forces with a group of women (some are sisters) who have powers. They all team up to fight evil. Its nice to be writing something and not bumping heads with anyone over decisions I make. Yeah it is good to work in a team. At times it is but mostly its better for me when I have all the control. Another life lesson I had to learn. I'm just about done with people telling me what to do or having control over my life. A writing team has agreed to work with me on polishing my new script. They're gonna give me a good rate. Typically they charge $200.00 per page but since my project is an 8 minute film they're giving me a reduced rate. Gotta fill out the contract and start with the payments this week. I'm pretty excited. Probably gonna wait until the script is done before I reach out to the cast or before starting to assemble a crew. Some folks said they might would be able to contribute moolah. Not gonna hold my breath though. I know how that goes. People talk a good talk but you gotta show me the money otherwise its just empty promises. I can do my webseries without anyone giving me money you know? I got a job. Still any help would be great. We will see if anyone makes good on their promises. Like I said....not gonna hold my breath.
****
Things are getting crazy with the Daughters project. I heard that there were some major disageements and threats of a lawsuit. Yikes. The film is done but right now things are on hold due to lack of funds and I guess because the guys have to sort things out. I am gonna meet with some of the guys later today to view the footage they shot. Last night on the phone Raulzilla said they needed my input on something. I'm still trying to distance myself from the project. Mostly I'm tired of being....well mad. Mad because things didn't turn out how I planned. Mad because so many changes were made on the script we'd worked on for so long. Mad because sooooooo much money was spent. Who knows maybe after I see what they put together today I will not be so worried about money. Nice Monster Productions really spent alot. The film is almost 30 minutes in length. The goal is to get it edited,scored and "special effected". No rush. Then they wanna either sell it to a distributer or put it in some film festivals. Since they have a couple of well known talents involved that should help open up some doors....make the process easier. Not sure what of myself I can give since I have my own side projects going on. As much as I adore Nasty Monster Productions I just can't go back to butting heads with him and all those arguments with him and Raulzilla most certainly caused me a bunch of nervous breakdowns. Migraines....erratic heartbeats and just a general sense of unrest always dreading what was coming next with conversations and meetings then much of my passion for the film dwindled. I'm okay. We're all okay. I guess after writing the basic concept and creating most of the characters I'm not sure what else I can contribute at this point since I stepped away handing all control to the fellas.
****
Wed or Thurs I took an Uber over to an event called "Game Night". Its put together by a local support group for Black gay men. I'd recieved a text invite maybe a few days before so I figured it would be a good thing to get out of the house and attempt to socialize. Unfortunately when I got there I had to turn right back around because the person who sent the text had gotten the days wrong. Turns out said event wasn't until the next day. There went my chance to try and meet other brothas into videogames. The guy really tried to get me to promise and return the next day but I told him it wasn't likely to happen. I was still kinda dealing with a slightly runny nose. This missed opportunity made me think about something a gay gamers group on facebook posted earlier today. The topic was if you were a gamer would you mind dating a non-gamer person. My response was about my own experience as a gay Black man who likes videogames. Many Black men I run across don't play the types of games I do. Usually they seem to be not sexually compatible with me or they don't even date other Black men for whatever reason. Also gay gamers like alot of gay men seem to be into those almost hyper masculine type fellas. I think alot of gay guys say they want a gamer for a hubby or whatever but it seems they actuallyare more into the types of guys who rarely play videogames at all. I think we want the unfamiliar or perhaps we are obsessed with being with hyper masculine types even if many have issues that make them non LTR material. Just my observation. Yeah it would be cool to be with another gamer yet from my own experiences other gamer types have not been into me. What I get is older guys.....fem guys. People REALLY out of shape or with social issues. Guess I've just learned to look at people beyond the surface. What I mean to say is just because "he" comes along and say the right things and is nice with seemingly good chemistry you have to look and see what traits he possesses. Is he just on good behavior till you get to know him? Is he simply using that charming smile and muscles to get by? With no real personality beyond that? You can be out of shape to a degree and I can overlook certain social issues because the world takes a toll on all of us but I'm not gonna just get with you because you happen to come along and say the right things anymore. Its more important for me to take the time to get to know you to make sure you are not out here to put a hurtin on me. I used to think that all gay folks would get along just like I used to feel safe whenever other Black folks would come around but that was a long time ago. People are all individuals who have to earn your trust over time just like after you spend some time getting to know them you'll discover if you can put up with each others shit. And it doesn't matter whether or not they are into videogames.
Friday, April 6, 2018
4.6.2018
MY SILENT YET LOUD VICTORY
Its been a week now
Almost recovered
Almost back to being me
Dreaming again
Cold is almost gone
Nose still runny
Stomach still queasy at time
Still trying to shake off those negative vibes
I absorbed over the weekend
trying not to think of my Easter
April Fools weekend as being ruined
because I did accomplish some things
about to launch that new webseries.
might have some funding coming in
just hired the big guns of writing
gonna start looking for my music guy
and my film crew soon
need to reach out to my actors
see if I'll need to recast anyone
because this train can't afford to wait for anyone
Life has to go on
2018 is the year everything changes.
MY SILENT YET LOUD VICTORY
Its been a week now
Almost recovered
Almost back to being me
Dreaming again
Cold is almost gone
Nose still runny
Stomach still queasy at time
Still trying to shake off those negative vibes
I absorbed over the weekend
trying not to think of my Easter
April Fools weekend as being ruined
because I did accomplish some things
about to launch that new webseries.
might have some funding coming in
just hired the big guns of writing
gonna start looking for my music guy
and my film crew soon
need to reach out to my actors
see if I'll need to recast anyone
because this train can't afford to wait for anyone
Life has to go on
2018 is the year everything changes.
Tuesday, April 3, 2018
Headache Fueled Rant (s)
This past weekend
after a silly little argument I got put out in the streets
like I did something so horrible to a man I once thought the world of
even though he'd become a cranky paranoid nitpicking pessimist.
I asked him what his ideal weight was
all hell broke loose.
Lost a friend
lost some confidence
freaked out
yet kept it together
two total strangers came thru for me
(Someone up there likes me)
(Someone up there likes me)
An Asian guy
A Middle Eastern guy
an African American woman
guess they looked at me
heard me
didn't see the same monstrosity he saw
and they looked out for me
helped restore my faith in humanity
and in the end
helped take my mind off pursuing legal action
some battles are not worth fighting.
and in the end
helped take my mind off pursuing legal action
some battles are not worth fighting.
I never really stop thinking of how many enemies I have
Maybe I need to stop
Need to re-enforce
I am not this thing they see.
Its a struggle to recall who I was
before I came to this city.
Have to let go of
others ideas for me.
This is not always easy
Always someone there waiting to punce
steal self confidence
feed on the fear
feeding on your very joy of life
So many people
gunning for those of us still hoping
(crabs in a pot indeed)
I guess even if we were perfect
there would be someone out there who hates us huh?
Stay inside
healing the mind
losing self on projects
and entertainment
feeling so close to peace
so close might as well be so far away
I think.
Maybe I need to stop
Need to re-enforce
I am not this thing they see.
Its a struggle to recall who I was
before I came to this city.
Have to let go of
others ideas for me.
This is not always easy
Always someone there waiting to punce
steal self confidence
feed on the fear
feeding on your very joy of life
So many people
gunning for those of us still hoping
(crabs in a pot indeed)
I guess even if we were perfect
there would be someone out there who hates us huh?
Stay inside
healing the mind
losing self on projects
and entertainment
feeling so close to peace
so close might as well be so far away
I think.
No matter how good a person I am
or try to be
or try to believe I am
there will always be those
who will NEVER see it
and the harder I try
to prove myself
I'll dig an even deeper hole for myself.
So easy for the person who doesn't like himself
to hate everything
or everyone else
to see their every move as some
evil ulterior motive.
tired of being around this
tired of being affected by this
gotta get to that place
where all the positive thinkers are.
Need to keep it together
until I can get out of here.
Funny how
my life has been turned
topsy turvy
by 3 mentally ill folks
in barely that many months.
Good intent turned against me
at work.
Might not have a job to go back to now
I wonder.
In just one little moment
everything can change.
A misunderstanding
a slanted point of view
then a friendship dies.
I really have to ask myself
was it your intent all along
to waste my time
to ruin my vacation?
Was this all personal
was I thrown out because
you had some other plans for me
that didn't pan out?
I will ask these questions
for awhile.
The only answers are the ones I can come up with myself.
You got mad at me
because I asked an innocent question
nevermind the fact
I cama all the way up there
for a comic con we'd planned to attend
but you helped someone move
which made you late
then it was too late to go Saturday
and Sunday we drove
ALL the way out to fairfield
only to find there was no con on Sunday.
Would it have killed you to check the schedule?
I didn't get mad at that though.
(Wasn't I being a good guest???)
Nevermind the fact I passed on another con
since I thought I was going to one in Fairfield.
(Joke was on me!)
I spent a hundred dollars flying out there
then I had to turn around and spend 73 on a bus ride back
on Easter night
cold
foggy
stuck in the back
with a stinky bathroom
driver driving at superspeed hitting every bump
people sneezing and coughing everywhere
falling asleep on me
no leg room
and a 30 dollar cab back home.
So tired and feeling sick
just went to bed
hoping I was gonna wake up from a dream.
But it wasn't a dream.
I was betrayed
became the focus for hate
cast aside like a filthy rag
and although I'll ask
why did that have to happen to me
for a good while
I'll get better in time.
The pain will subside
Eventually I'll get past
how terribly I was treated
I'll stop doubting myself
stop blaming myself
thinking maybe
this could have all been prevented
somehow I should have seen it coming
but maybe it was meant to be me
or someone else would have experienced it
only worse perhaps?
Someday I'll laugh at this
One day.
It was the day you saved me $50.00
because my rent was surely about to be late.
So much the tale of adventurous irony my life has become.
Funny how
my life has been turned
topsy turvy
by 3 mentally ill folks
in barely that many months.
Good intent turned against me
at work.
Might not have a job to go back to now
I wonder.
In just one little moment
everything can change.
A misunderstanding
a slanted point of view
then a friendship dies.
I really have to ask myself
was it your intent all along
to waste my time
to ruin my vacation?
Was this all personal
was I thrown out because
you had some other plans for me
that didn't pan out?
I will ask these questions
for awhile.
The only answers are the ones I can come up with myself.
You got mad at me
because I asked an innocent question
nevermind the fact
I cama all the way up there
for a comic con we'd planned to attend
but you helped someone move
which made you late
then it was too late to go Saturday
and Sunday we drove
ALL the way out to fairfield
only to find there was no con on Sunday.
Would it have killed you to check the schedule?
I didn't get mad at that though.
(Wasn't I being a good guest???)
Nevermind the fact I passed on another con
since I thought I was going to one in Fairfield.
(Joke was on me!)
I spent a hundred dollars flying out there
then I had to turn around and spend 73 on a bus ride back
on Easter night
cold
foggy
stuck in the back
with a stinky bathroom
driver driving at superspeed hitting every bump
people sneezing and coughing everywhere
falling asleep on me
no leg room
and a 30 dollar cab back home.
So tired and feeling sick
just went to bed
hoping I was gonna wake up from a dream.
But it wasn't a dream.
I was betrayed
became the focus for hate
cast aside like a filthy rag
and although I'll ask
why did that have to happen to me
for a good while
I'll get better in time.
The pain will subside
Eventually I'll get past
how terribly I was treated
I'll stop doubting myself
stop blaming myself
thinking maybe
this could have all been prevented
somehow I should have seen it coming
but maybe it was meant to be me
or someone else would have experienced it
only worse perhaps?
Someday I'll laugh at this
One day.
It was the day you saved me $50.00
because my rent was surely about to be late.
So much the tale of adventurous irony my life has become.
Some years ago I recall offering just on a whim someone I knew who was not bad looking a pointer on how they could improve their appearance and after the argument that ensued, we've not seen each other since. Its been almost 10 years I suppose since last we even spoke on the phone. He told me that not everyone could be perfect or have a perfect life like me and I told him my life is not perfect in any way. Forgive me for daring to see you for what you could potentially become. Its not as if I am going to judge you for being where you are and reject you. But the reaction is to reject me for daring to suggest something instead of just saying this is me take it or leave it. I look at my life. I see things I can change and wanna change. Thing is many people settle. They don't chase their dreams or see what potential they have. Its their right and even though I'm pretty much accepting of everyone it doesn't mean I understand the way some folks are thinking. Guess I'm not supposed to. But I can certainly understand why some folks are loners or why they only hang around certain types of folks. One word or misunderstood intention and years of friendship can go flying out the door as if it never existed. We quickly throw away the people who really love us without a second thought and chase after those people or things that really are no good for us.
Sitting here watching Star Wars.
Fired up again creatively despite all thats happened.
How many times am I gonna see this movie?
Its crazy how the ideas keep flowing.
Whether its the music acting as muse
or videogames
these things they help me bounce back
when life seems intent on kicking my ass.
Time to get the band back together.
Monday, April 2, 2018
Happy Vacation indeed.
(Or a sort of a cleansing)
I had to learn a hard lesson this weekend
my Easter weekend.
Turned Easter into just another day
I'd like to forget.
In all my 48 years I can barely recall
another black man
filled with so much rage against me.
So hard to believe mere hours before
we were all laughing and full of joy
then
one stupid argument
fueled by paranoia
and possibly helped by
that head injury
that changed your life
not so long ago
turned you into
someone I scarcely recognized
and ever fucking word I said
was like throwing gasoline on a fire.
So funny how one little thing
can blow up into a major terror.
Still can't believe
in the middle of the night
without a care for my safety
and with a devious glint in your eye
you'd put a friend out in the street
in the middle of the night.
I asked you
how would you treat your enemy?
Because nothing I said to you warranted your actions towards me.
I realize you are sick
perhaps thats why I can't bring myself to hate you
but on my way back to LA this morning
I made a promise to myself
as I sat there scrunched up on a bus
I barely caught
after having to haul all my belongings thru a dark neighborhood
in the middle of night.
A young middle Eastern man hailed a Lyft for me
A middle aged sister made sure I got on that last bus
so for all the evil mankind has done to me
two of mankind will come along and save my ass
therefore I can't abandon the fact there is good in this world
yet from now on
when I take my trips
(Just like my $30.00 taxi driver said)
stay in a hotel
so you won't be in that position again.
That was the promise man
See you have changed my life.
Taught me a valuable lesson.
Actually several
as my instincts warned me to leave before the argument escalated.
I paid the price for not listening
and now I see first hand
why you are so very alone and unhappy.
I just became
an enemy you could see
and hurt.
In your hurt and paranoia
you completely misunderstood
the question about your weight
from
the person who thought of
possibly becoming your roomate
and becoming your workout partner.
You got me wrong bruh.
I will survive
as I told you when I left
you tried to reduce me
tried to make me feel less tahn
your moment of power is done
as my immune system recovers
as my nerves calm down
I know
I promise.
Never again.
(Or a sort of a cleansing)
I had to learn a hard lesson this weekend
my Easter weekend.
Turned Easter into just another day
I'd like to forget.
In all my 48 years I can barely recall
another black man
filled with so much rage against me.
So hard to believe mere hours before
we were all laughing and full of joy
then
one stupid argument
fueled by paranoia
and possibly helped by
that head injury
that changed your life
not so long ago
turned you into
someone I scarcely recognized
and ever fucking word I said
was like throwing gasoline on a fire.
So funny how one little thing
can blow up into a major terror.
Still can't believe
in the middle of the night
without a care for my safety
and with a devious glint in your eye
you'd put a friend out in the street
in the middle of the night.
I asked you
how would you treat your enemy?
Because nothing I said to you warranted your actions towards me.
I realize you are sick
perhaps thats why I can't bring myself to hate you
but on my way back to LA this morning
I made a promise to myself
as I sat there scrunched up on a bus
I barely caught
after having to haul all my belongings thru a dark neighborhood
in the middle of night.
A young middle Eastern man hailed a Lyft for me
A middle aged sister made sure I got on that last bus
so for all the evil mankind has done to me
two of mankind will come along and save my ass
therefore I can't abandon the fact there is good in this world
yet from now on
when I take my trips
(Just like my $30.00 taxi driver said)
stay in a hotel
so you won't be in that position again.
That was the promise man
See you have changed my life.
Taught me a valuable lesson.
Actually several
as my instincts warned me to leave before the argument escalated.
I paid the price for not listening
and now I see first hand
why you are so very alone and unhappy.
I just became
an enemy you could see
and hurt.
In your hurt and paranoia
you completely misunderstood
the question about your weight
from
the person who thought of
possibly becoming your roomate
and becoming your workout partner.
You got me wrong bruh.
I will survive
as I told you when I left
you tried to reduce me
tried to make me feel less tahn
your moment of power is done
as my immune system recovers
as my nerves calm down
I know
I promise.
Never again.
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