Confessions of a sad superhero book 60

 I was talking with a co-worker about a new project and sharing the news about having hired an artist who just got picked up by Marvel to work on a new Spiderman book when this guy just basically trashed me and did his best to make me feel bad by making these harsh jokes about me and stuff I'm working on. Just made me feel really dwon and there was another person in the room when this happened. I turned and said this is why I need to leave this place because of negativity. I just needed to write about that because it really upset me. 

I've had issues with this guy before. I am convinced he's bi-polar because on minute you're chatting like old friends then he flips and starts attacking with biting comments that tear you down. Its kinda confusing when a person does that because it makes you want to either avoid them or stay away. I can't let unhappy people bring me down though. This is a great moment for me having hired this particular artist before he pretty much becomes unavailable. He's done plenty of work for me over the years and I just decided to reach out to him the other day not having any idea Marvel hired him. He told me after this weekend he would be unavailable. So this was one of those universe working for you type of deals where a person is at the right place at the right moment.

So the first episode of my new webseries is finally posted. I will try to share the video here. The title is "Sasquatch And The Mythology Sisterhood" The premise revolves around a group of female super powered bounty hunters who team up with Bigfoot to take down an evil fallen angel named Oasis. We actually started shooting footage on this waaay back in 2019 so its been a real struggle to get here due to a bunch of setbacks. The first episode is like 5 minutes but theres still considerable additional footage we shot that will be edited and cut together to form the story. I may have to reshoot some stuff and I'm getting new ideas for the story because I'm also developing a comic around it. The next project I'll be filming is gonna be the relaunch of SonsofLegend on Aug 15th (my birthday) I am almost inclined to just use the scenes as a part of the Sasquatch film but I think other than a few cameos I'd like to have Sasquatch stand on its own for awhile. It will eventually take the place of SonsofLegend and all my other webseries including ideas I had to scrap because of all the shit that went down involving Daughters of Legend. The less said about that chapter of my life the better. I had my ideas taken, stripped from me...years of hard work thrown away but like the phoenix I'm rising. Because I have to. 

Confessions of a sad superhero book 59

 My Youtube account was hacked yet again over the weekend. I suspect its a co-worker but I really don't know. I only say I suspect its a co-worker because something we discussed showed up in the watch history of "whomever" was using my account. Now how they got my login info is a mystery but hackers can usually find away to get into accounts if they are determined enough and skilled but its just creepy to me to think someone I trusted would do something like that to me. I have other suspects too. One is a former business partner whose email is linked to me and they have been using my account with a variety of dating sites. Weird right? Again out of all the people in the world why me? I think in the past I used his phone to log in and so thats how he got my info. Then there's my friend in North Dakota. I suspect that his daughter may have been watching videos using my account because I logged in on the smart tv they have in the living room because the person or persons is watching mostly kids videos and they seem to be having trouble remembering their search history as when I delete it they are then only viewing the one same video over and over again. When I look at the location it tells me this person is in Los Angeles. However a hacker can hide their exact location when logging on if they even choose to connect to the web. When this happened before I think it was the person who had my stuff that was stolen in Detroit or possibly a family member. I'd be listening to Spotify and the music would change and start playing this kinda lounge techno type music and on Youtube, my history was filled with videos of gangs fighting or just people getting into fights with each other. Lately, I have been having folks come over to my avatar while waiting in the lobby between matches on Vampire The Masquerade: Bloodhunt and following me or making lewd gestures. Don't get me started on internet trolls in the comments section of sites I used to enjoy visiting. People have often made me feel that I am weird or something is wrong with me and I have said this before...I'd probably be shocked beyond belief if I could read the minds of folks who go out of their way to point out or never forgive my shortcomings. It is said that we are all a little crazy. Some more than others. Sometimes it feels as if I am trapped in a world full of supervillains trying hard to turn me into one.

Confessions of a sad superhero book 58

 Evil. It exists. It seems to everywhere and I can't say I understand what drives some of these garbage minded individuals to do what they do. I was watching a video earlier on youtube of the shooting that recently happened in a school in Texas. The gunman just casually strolls into the school with his machine gun. Brushes his hair and continues on down a hall. Someone noticed him but went and hid then the gunman disappears from view. A moment later you hear all these shots being fired. What on earth could motivate someone to walk into a school fully armed dressed like a goth biker and just kill a bunch of innocent children? Days ago a model was in downtown LA when a guy hit her in the face with a damn pipe. I remember watching a docufilm on netflix years ago about a woman who fled Liberia in the 90's. She talked about men with guns coming into classrooms and just taking young girls while the teachers were helpless to do anything about it but watch. Earlier as I left for work and was locking my door I could hear the next door neighbor watching me thru their peephole. They like to jiggle it loud enough for awhile so I will be aware they're watching me. Like a month ago when I did my laundry someone put a bloody rag in the dryer with my clothes. This happened before many moons ago. Its like I will get a period of peace and then just as my life is feeling almost okay these folks will inevitably do something to fuck with me. Stir the pot. Now...I stay in my apartment and go out of my way to avoid contact with these people. But now I am forced to sit and watch my laundry when I wash/dry clothes. I had to get my packages delivered to my job since my shit was getting taken. I have had things thrown at me when walking outside too. I'm not gonna lie and say I have not had fantasies of going into that house with a flame thrower and I don't know what these people want. Another crazy black man on the 6 oclock news going off the deep end. And behind the scenes there was some asshole that pushed his buttons. I think thats what they want and in an alternate universe maybe it happened but I won't give it to them in this one. It has been 20 years of this shit and it all started the day I asked a little Bangeldashian girl to stop throwing paper in front of the building. SOmeone I told this to earlier before I came in to work said he has had some similar experiences as well as others he know. He told me as an Asian he and his kin just usually simply "take it and don't say anything about it" He then said something that really got me thinking. He asked me if  I was maybe involved with any controversial political groups or if I had any social media content that might attract some nutjobs because there are those who do come after you. Even organizations. Dude started getting all religious at some point but what he said struck me. I mean...I have wondered if its a gay thing why I have had so much problems and there are some who will literally try to kill you (or come as close as they can without actually doing it) if they know THAT about you. I dunno. I have had all kinds of bad things done to me and been mad at folks for a while but 20 years of constant harassment just feels like its exerting too much energy. I can't say I know what the agenda is here. Some have theorized its to make me move out. Some have said it may be some bad spirits doing stuff to keep the negative energies flowing. What I do know is I am definitely dealing with some sort of PTS from having my psyche constantly under assault to the point where it can be a struggle at times to relax from a stressful job when I come home. Your life must be pure hell if you would go so far and so long to make someone else miserable. They say hurt people hurt people. In the face of such cruelty I just try to stay focused on my goals and realize THIS is not real life. Its an artificial life and one day I will be free from these people and their shit. It might be because of Karma , it might be coming suddenly into success or it may be me just simply moving away. Since I can't afford to move right now I have to hold on and save up as much money while getting my projects done. Meanwhile instead of thinking so much about people who hate me and want my attention I need to give it to those folks in my life who deserve it. I can certainly imagine a life full of positive minded people around me and beautiful sunrises over glistening cityscapes while I'm enjoying a cup of coffee. 

Confessions of a sad superhero Book 57

 Came in to work with a headache that has been lingering the past few days. Luckily one of the staff gave me some migraine medicine and that seems to have done the trick. Honestly I really considered taking the night off but ended up deciding to come in. Had two interesting dreams earlier. Maybe the headache came from my mind trying to process stuff in my life hence the dreams. I wonder sometimes if my brain is expanding or absorbing info or am I suffering from ginseng poison. Its probably my vision because some days its really kinda funky and the allergy medicine had no effect on the pain. In one dream my father was carrying me and we were bumped by some chick which made him drop me and we rolled to nearly fall into some water. After that I ordered this weird looking icecream concoction with stacked ice cream sandwiches on it. Then in another dream a woman bumped me causing me to drop these two colored cups. The cups seemed to fall in slow motion or stop because I willed it but then the dream was over. So I have no idea how it ended. 

Captain Liberia has been reaching out to me via facebook messenger more than usual recently. This is interesting. I am still committed to not putting any energy into any guys. Much less him because instinct is telling me he has someone he's seeing. Trying to keep it on the DL I guess. They say when the little voice is telling you something you need to heed it. During our conversation over the weekend he mentioned plans to get a house and having a room in it for me. Its probably safe to say some folks on this planet are truly awesome individuals. But only as friends because as lovers it just doesn't work. I think Captain Liberia falls into that to have and not to hold category. Well that term implies sex is going on but nothing serious is gonna happen. Sometimes you are not enough to hold that persons attention for whatever reason. Maybe they are not mature enough. Just like some guys have trouble showing affection and I really can't be mad at that because it may be beyond their capability. Seems from my experience it is mostly the more masculine type fellas who have trouble expressing themselves that way. Yet it is mostly this type ALOT of us gay men want. I cannot pretend to understand the flawed logic behind wanting someone you are not compatible with. Yeah I know the heart wants what the heart wants and all. I struggle sometimes having strong feelings for folks who I am not compatible with. These guys don't want me. I don't hold out hope on this changing and I really don't know how I'd react if that guy who threw me away like yesterday's trash oneday has an epiphany realizing he wasted so much time on chumps when what he needed was right in front of him until he violently rejected it. Hell JLO and Ben got back together and people are allowed to change, to grow but I guess it depends on how much pain was caused and if its good for you emotionally to go with someone you're not equally yoked with. Mostly I am inclined to say most people don't change that much. Also I am not obligated to want you because you had a change of heart. Especially if you are not on my level emotionally and only wanna get with me because nobody else wants to put up with your mess. But also what if you really have changed and REALLY see me and we complement each other's style by being together? I'll go on record to say there are definitely folks I met many moons ago who were good for me and I should have given them a chance. I was foolish and immature once upon a time. But I would not approach someone who things didn't work out with before because to me that moment in time is done and gone. Not saying I am not open to second chances, just it would not be something I'd easily and readily embark upon.... Maybe its the thinking of this shit that is making my head hurt. It certainly seems to hurt my spirit whenever I start to dwell on past rejections, constant rejections. Makes you doubt your self worth in this age of internet bullying and body shaming or chasing after things that really don't contribute to overall well being. I think I'm realizing more than ever there is joy in having "me" time and perhaps this is why folks give up everything and run away from the life they once knew to start somewhere new. Everybody in Cali want that me time(?) so you can see how this can be a problem when EVERYBODY wants it. Then again I can see more and more people losing some social skills or not being able to really interact in healthy ways with each other. Every body got a story and most of these hurt folks likely didn't start out that way. Life happens. I might have seen the perfect person but because he has such a hard life he mad dogged me on the street when a simple good morning how are you could have changed everything. I guess no matter how crazy my life is now there is still a sliver of hope one day I might have a relationship with a cool guy I'm compatible with yet I don't kid myself on the odds of that happening. Especialy now with so much going on in my life. This is really a transformative period for Sergio.

Confessions of a sad superhero book 56

 Had quite the shock tonight when I came in to work. We had to evacuate the building because Godzilla came out of the water and was heading in this direction. Just kidding. No what really happened was I got a call from my boss because of something that happened last night or rather this morning. She came in and saw me listening to music. I was actually listening to it on Youtube and doing a search on Bing for something I can't even remember but she tripped because she saw my Ipad laying there on the desk in front of me. Even though the screen was off. She was like put that away and we kinda got into it. Well it was me really because I was like "Its sometimes so crazy or just crazy quiet around here and it I don't understand why we can't have music to help keep us up or sane". I was really upset and thinking about giving my notice because pretty much every other security company I have worked with for the night shift didn't trip on guards having music. I even explained how crucial music is when I do patrols because I have playlists that usually consist of people like Seal, Prince, Jamiroquai, Stevie Wonder, El Debarge or Phonte Coleman just to name a few. I already got in trouble months back because she came in and saw me on my Nintendo Switch. So at that time we had a big meeting and I was told it was my final warning so after this morning I was at a crossroads on what to do. Give my notice or wait for the proverbial hammer to fall hoping that maybe it wouldn't fall. We had a loooong meeting this morning and I really voiced my concerns about them making a big deal out of me just trying to keep myself stimulated at work as well as all the pressures going on at work or all around us in the world at this time. She was really tripping because she saw the iPad but she said she could understand where I was coming from (I may have heard a snippet of her and my supervisor speaking about my anxiety before I walked in the room) so she would talk to her boss about a possible solution. Not gonna lie because I was stressing bad and started feeling like I was having some kind of anxiety attack at home before I came in tonight. I tried to take a quick nap just before I came in but I just laid there heart beating and restless. All these thoughts were going thru my head. Just trying to hold on at my job with all the craziness. Sometimes its like I'm hanging on a thread. Tension between me and people here who don't like me. Tension from constant harassment by people in my building. Anxiety over projects I'm working on. Money issues. The characters of questionable morality outside. The homeless people we have to deal with. The prostitutes and other people who constantly use the bathroom in secluded areas of the property with no respect to this facility that provides such a great service to their respective communities.  Residents hopped up on drugs we have to deal with. Then on top of that police don't always show up when we call them. Then theres the big elephant in the room. This is something I have mostly kept to myself but last month something snapped in my head or maybe a light bulb came on. I made a decision I wasn't gonna go to Captain Liberia's graduation. It was really me just standing up for myself. Realizing I wasn't gonna continue to give my energy to people who don't seem to really care about me. I accepted that my life is better off not chasing this concept of romance and relationships because these guys out here are really just not feeling me for whatever reason. I honestly don't think I'm what they want and its time I started caring more about what I want. All the lies and BS...all the self-absorbed immaturity and people who don't understand me. Fuck all this trying to get people to understand and accept me. None of that is important when you feel yourself slipping into darkness and you realize you have wasted your emotional money on a business that was doomed from the start. A part of me worries alittle sometimes but everyday it gets easier living to make myself happy...living to achieve my goals...living to work on having better relations with the people and things in my life that really matter.  So when I got here at work tonight I was not expecting my boss to call and tell me she'd spoken to her boss and it was decided there was no problem with us listening to music as while on duty. Of course I was appreciative and thankful. I told my boss I really appreciated this. I mean the gratitude was practically overflowing because I was not expecting a "Yes". I know in the grand scheme of things being able to listen to music might not matter or might not be that big a deal to some but to me it was the avalanche that cleared a mountain of uncertainty regarding me staying at this job for the rest of this year. Music helps me cope whether I am inside or outside these walls more than words can say.