(Rant)

Had some more craziness happen at work this morning. and I'm really starting to wonder just how much longer I can keep doing this.  It all started when the other security guard I worked with "Owen" took his first break. Well actually it was a foreshadowing kinda thing I suppose. I let in a couple of kids and one of them just happened to be this kinda short sorta chubby sexually androgynous guy who gave me trouble last week because I wanted to make sure he was on the list before letting him in. His exact words were I don't have time for this. Not tonight.  This morning when I let him in he just kinda stopped in front of me then walked past. He didn't enter the building. Only the area they are allowed to smoke in. Another kid told me dude was dealing with some mental stuff and he was gonna look after him. 

My edited incident Report on what happened.....

Security officer Owen took his lunch break. I was watching his side and I went to investigate the noise I kept hearing upstairs. He'd mentioned in passing that a client (you know who) who came in earlier was screaming,yelling and throwing things around. The time was roughly around 2am and when I went upstairs the client approached me and I noticed they were foaming at the mouth. He started to finger one of the zippers on my jacket and I backed away warning him not to touch. At that point he walked over and laughing loudly said "What if was to do THIS?!?" Then he pulled the fire alarm. I silenced the "Bamp" alarm but had trouble finding the right larger key for the beeping alarm. The alarm company called. I told them everything was fine but they were not able to stop the fire dept from coming out. I called my boss. We were able to find the right key to reset the small red fire box and my boss asked me to make sure I take a photo of the key so she could make sure its on every key bundle from now on. The police came for the client but since I was dealing with the alarms I didn't witness it. 

So obviously I survived but this was one of the worst things I have had happen and I just recently got in trouble because someone went behind the tv in the lunch room to take photos of my Roku so that I'd get in trouble. Then just like a month ago one of the kids somehow got inside an office where he preceded to try on the owners clothes. Its just been a weird season of luck for me or maybe the gods are trying to tell me something.

My heart was really pounding today when all the insanity was going on. Also for some reason the fire fighters made me nervous. It was embarrassing not knowing which key turned off the stairwell alarm which must have gone on for at least 15 minutes. It was the longest 15 minutes let me tell you. Am I being too hard on myself? Everyone makes mistakes right? Still I should know at this post not to let my guard down or get too comfortable. Many of the kids upstairs have all kinds of mental issues so going in everyday you never really know what you're gonna get. Some guards have been hit. I have had so many crazy things happen yet it makes me wonder if security should be handling these situations without some kind of mental health training. 

Over the last couple of years I have noticed that when stressful events arise at times my heart starts to beat at an irregular pace. Sometimes I wake up in a sorta panic mode. Sometimes certain noises seem to activate it and I have to just ride it out until my nerves calm back down. Much of this shit comes from the stress I endured over the years dealing with the worst next door neighbors I never would have imagined. Could be I'm getting to that point where for the sake of my nerves and safety its time to get the hell out of dodge. I like my job. Some of my co-workers have fantastic relationships with me. The pay is cool too and I have hella great benefits, plus I get to do plenty of writing in relative peace yet when stuff happens its usually pretty epic in scale. I just keep feeling I don't wanna work with troubled kids anymore and I long to be my own boss in better control over my life/health. I even spoke with a union rep about maybe changing my location. Gotta figure something out sooner than later.

I've a little time off next week. Gonna fly out to Oakland and visit a buddy. Maybe go to an amusement park or something too. Gonna try to relax, do some writing,save some money whilst figuring out a plan. Need to start enjoying life more and worrying less. Time to create that definitive work of art that sums up everything I'm going through in such a way it touches the world,changes the world and saves my world.

Kinda got in trouble at work last week because my boss called me into her office to warn me about my Roku that I used to hook up in the kitchen area so I could hear music or to let people watch movies on their breaks. Someone actually went behind the tv and took photos of the device to show to the higher ups so things are really getting kinda tense on the job. Sometmes it seems I may just be caught up in some drama going on between a few of the maintenance folks who aren't really getting along or it may be that their bosses feel they're taking longer breaks than they're supposed to. I can only speculate but as many people have told me over the years working here I shouldn't really trust anyone. Just come in....smile and do my job. Thats it. Perhaps that is the way of corporate America and when you work in certain fields. 

Looks like I'm not gonna be going to Detroit or North Dakota on my vacation next month. Gonna go up to Oakland to visit a friend and try out his Occulous Rift VR thingie. It just dawned on me that maybe I can see my buddy Donovanzilla who was gonna come to LA next month then ride a bus up to SF. He changed his mind when he found out it was an 8 hour bus ride. But if he's in SF the same time I am in Oakland theres no reason why I can't hang out with him. I certainly didn't want him to see my (ass) junky apartment. Still since I won't be flying out of town that means I can save even more moolah towards filming the SOL relaunch. I was thinking of placing an ad on Craigslist to get my crew together but I found out last night while helping a co-worker post an ad on there that they actually charge you now to place ads. Then again I do have quite an extensive collection of phone numbers and email addresses from various film folks who have answered my ads over the years on CL. Putting together a crew should be a snap. I just gotta make sure I get GOOD people. In the meantime theres a comic convention in Anaheim this weekend. I may get out there to do some promotional stuff for SonsofLegend. The usual. Giving out posters. Business cards. Etc. I really completely forgot about this thing. Its pretty big (Its put together by the same folks who do San Diego Comic Con) therefore I should go for at least one day. Thankfully have a three day weekend (Thank you Caesar Chavez) so Sunday is gonna likely be it. Thats the cheapest day too I think. ($20)

I will probably do my laundry today and run some errands. Actually I HAVE to do my laundry today. Which means I need to go to the bank to get a roll of quarters. Hopefully it won't be raining too hard. Don't get me wrong rain doesn't bother me. Its usually easier to move around because theres less folks walking around but I've multiple places to go to and even with umbrellas stuff you are carrying around will get wet. I have to go mail something. I'd like to stop at Chipotle as well. Would be cool to get a few groceries for my trip next week and those business cards for the comic con. Well see.

Its raining outside right now and I'm sitting here at work typing on my laptop with alot of emotions flowing thru my mind. So many changes have been happening lately in my life. I spent a year working on a film then I made a desperate decision that sorta backfired on me which ultimately resulted in the powers that be taking the story in a whole different direction. Since I am under contract theres not much I should say about the situation other than I'm happy the film was completed yet also hurt about the way some things were handled.

A buddy came into town a few weeks ago and I was too broke to really do anything with him when he got here. Of course much of my money goes towards my artistic pursuits. Drawings. Meetings. Paying people who have worked on my projects. Paying writers for scripts. I am only now just starting to get to a point where I am able to save some money. Trying to decide if I'm gonna take a little vacation or film something next month. Mostly I'm resigned to the idea of relaunching the SonsofLegend webseries. I need to save at least a couple thousand dollars before I start on another project though. Usually I just get started and pay folks either two weeks later or in installments but this time around I wanna do it differently. Guess I am starting to learn some things huh? As anxious as I am about filming again there is still a part of me that is apprehensive. Just don't wanna make any mistakes or put out anything thats not good quality. But the truth is I feel sorta empty inside when I'm not working on something creative. Making films used to be something that made me happy until I married it with business and all the emotions that come from working with others. I'd just like to get back to making stuff that makes me happy without thinking about money all the time plus I had so many arguments and experiences that it made me crazy for a minute. Yes some good times were had and good friends were made but arguments just really take a toll on me. I tend to stay mad at people for awhile so you can see why I would kinda keep my distance from folks who might bring out a certain side I'm not comfortable with. I would rather get into a fight with a horde of angry monster mutant trolls than get into an argument with someone I consider a friend. Not sure if that makes much sense but there it is.

-To be continued-