Listening to Iheart Radio 60's station.
October came and went. But at least I was able to get out of town and visit my family in Orlando. It was cool seeing everyone and hanging out with my nephew Curt who is as big a nerd as I am. We went to Universal Horror nights where I ended up getting hoarse and destroying my cellphone which got replaced when I got back to LA! Its my tradition to go home for Halloween. My mother told me that I am always welcome there and some folks got on me about not visiting more often (and staying longer!) I just think its better to be missed than to wear out your welcome you know? I did get to see my brother Joshua. Its pretty obvious I'll never have that ideal relationship with my brother I always wanted. I do blame myself for being so distant in his life as he came of age. God knows I have tried to have some sort of relationship with him and we can get into some incredibly deep conversations about life and metaphysical stuff yet theres a weird wall between us. Just feels as if he were somehow compromised. Like someone may have affected his outlook on me. Maybe its all in my mind but whatever the case it is what it is. Theres really nothing I can do to make someone want to be a part of my life. This is something I have had to make peace with over the years in regard to other folks as well. Mr. Ninja for example. We saw each other yesterday briefly and it was as weird can be expected. A slight nod of acknowledgment then we proceeded to go about acting as if we never knew each other. I guess we didn't actually. (I was stuck at work much later than usual for accidentally locking a door staff was unable to open until around 9am. some folks were pissed at me as their belongings were locked inside. Purses. CAR KEYS😞 And yes I got in trouble) So life goes on and we simply throw away something that coulda been cool. A friendship at least? Its funny how people can be this way. Someone cool comes into your life and then you just move on and act like you completely forgot about them. Seems to be the new normal with these gay men now treating each other in these strange manners because of unresolved issues within probably. Thing is he kinda looked...well not as if he was really keeping himself up. I mean to say usually I'd like to believe when someone is with someone they are likely more concerned with how they look. Could be wrong and its not my business. Part of me hoped maybe he'd call since we hadn't spoken in so long. Its been months yet its another slap from reality that these fellas out here are just on some whole other trip and I gotta focus on me or become as nuts and emotionally distant as they are. Right now my focus has been on my artistic endeavors. Theres a kickstarter campaign going on via the company publishing my comic "DragonManx" We have raised $1800 of our $2000 goal. Theres still like 5 days left and we might not make that unless we put in some money ourselves. As for my Sasquatch cartoon...the person I'd wanted to do the storyboards has dropped me like a bad habit because we'd been playing phone tag and much of that is due to my schedule and bouts with anxiety/stress. However, I got some cool comic book art for the Sasquatch comic adaptation of the cartoon. Getting back to the Kickstarter campaign...I have been doing these little videos everyday to promote and ask for funding. Trying to be direct without begging you know. Now I know how those radio station deejays I used to clown about fundraisers feel. It is hard trying to get folks to give you money. Fundraising aint no joke. Was even able to get my mother involved in one of my videos. We did this cool question and answer session at her house. Was real nice scenery too as they have fixed up a nice little den area. They actually built it since the last time I was there. Only thing missing is a BIG tv which they'll likely mount on a wall. Was planning to go visit my father before the year is out but that might not happen until the new year because I need to save up money for projects and you know...surviving. Also Comic Con LA is coming up in a week so gotta decide what I'm doing for that. A co-worker is bugging me to go and it would certainly be a great opp to promote things but this is something I need to decide on. Should go ahead and get my tickets in case the event sells out. All the "normies" are invested in comic conventions these days so this makes getting tix challenging more often than not.
The world is going through some shit right now but every now and then something will happen to help restore my faith in humanity. Now it has not escaped me that other folks have helped me throughout the years but it was an awesome surprise the other day when I was doing my laundry and my landlady put my clothes in the dryer for me and started the cycle. This is what one would call a random act of kindness. When was the last time you did a random act of kindness for anyone? So I am grateful she did that and it makes me want to as they say pay it forward by helping out someone else. Maybe I'll even do it anonymously. Its not hard for me to do things for other people without expecting something else in return. How great this world would be if everyone thought like this? One can but wonder...
