Late night donut dilemna.
Was watching the news when me get the munchies real bad. Grabbed my 3DS (because I figured there would be some waiting) and went out to get some donuts from California donuts. As usual there was a long assed line. This place was never this popular. Something to do with a recent instagram I heard. The reason for the popularity surge I mean. So anyway I decided to hell with this and I walked over to the Vons supermarket. Ended up spending $43.00 on groceries. Mostly junk food but it was totally worth it. Got two bags of those kettle brand potato chips (because a nigga trying to be healthy you know). Flavors? Roasted garlic and the salt with fresh ground pepper kind. (Just how does one ground pepper?) Also got some soap because we are just about out. Dial was on sale 2.49 so I got two three packs. Gold antibacterial and Spring water. Got some white bread. Honey peanut butter from skippy. Grape jelly from smuckers. Refreshe drinking water. Four little boxes of the 99 cent folgers instant coffee single serve packets. Theres 7 per pack and I save alot of moolah by doing that instead of always going to coffee shops. Got some lite butter microwave popcorn by the snack artist. A little container of fresh cut pineapple. Some of those Simply natural fruit juices at two for five. Simply lemonade with cranberry and the mixed berry kind. Got a freshly baked raspberry cake and an entenmanns 8 variety pack of donut thingies. A tall REALLY HOT light skinned brotha actually saved me from going out the wrong exit when I was on my way out of the store. There went my 40 bucks and on my way back home I noticed some of the same people still standing there in that donut shop line as I walked past to go to my apt building. Now I am home watching Nightcrawler on netflix and drinking coffee. Those people are probably still out there in that line. Yeah the donuts are the bomb (who still says that right?) but I'm not doing the 30 min wait thing again. Ain't nobody got time for that.
Thursday, June 18, 2015
Wednesday, June 17, 2015
(Background music: Mothra.Godzilla.Jurassic Wrld. Imitation Game soundtracks.)
Tried to understand what this is
but there ain't no answer man.
Relationship?
Open union?
What to call you?
A person who entered my life
fell into my existence
not a coincidence
that the lust gave way
gave way to way more.
Two people over time
developing some kinda
freaky understanding
of each other.
Sometimes I swear I have
no idea of who you are
yet
it always seems to come back to this
this thing that we have
that I cannot put into words.
You know me man.
Have seen me at my best and worst.
We both know you don't have to stay
but you choose not to leave.
So often I wish the rest of the world
could see me the way you.
A flawed creature
but still a worthwhile creature.
One with a good heart
not someone to be abused or shunned
or sabotaged.
A being capable of being a steadfast friend.
Someone who is even sexy (sometimes?)
even if he's a nerd who might not have
all these material things or the perfect body.
You still see
some kind of a warrior
using what he has
doing his best
against all odds
to survive.
Even though at times you make me crazy
You are the god sent light in my darkness.
*
Went to the movies the other day to see those dinosaurs and it was a great film but even that became an adventure. Some fool tried to get into my bank account and it cost me. Cost me about ten minutes of the movie. Yes it did. Cost me ALOT of time on the damn phone with customer service. They say the money is back in my account. They said it before but that wasn't the case. Do I have some sort of a target on my back? Then just the other day some more cops beat up some more black folks. What the hell is going on? The same shit happened yesterday I think. Last week a black woman was outed as being white by her family. World keeps getting crazier I swear. But is it so wrong for a white woman to identify with or wanna be black? There sure are a bunch of black folks who wish they were white. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I were white. Would I feel so isolated and alone with the geekiness? Would I feel so much of a need to be wary around other black people who might not be kind to me because I'm black too? I don't know. Guess I never will. All of my experiences have made me into the person I am. Sometimes I wonder if my life woulda been easier if I were a female but I'm no Bruce Jenner. Or Caitlin. Much respect to her. Super man athelete. Super mom super model. Thats some resume!
We had some small quakes over here. Tremors really I guess. Keep thinking about moving you know? Something just keeps feeling....I dunno could be the call of the wild or some kinda sixth sense telling me to leave Cali. Mostly I know its time to get out of my apartment after all these years. So much time spent dealing with crazy neighbors has definitely taken a toll on my health mentally and physically and I could really use a break. Then the other night I got into it with a crazy co-worker who was mad because (and I kid you not) because I was a minute late. One of the reasons I work nights is to avoid nutty people and stressful situations but sometimes you just can't hide from the crazy. It will seek you out. Folks have so much stuff going on in their lives that sometimes to feel some measure of control they lash out at anyone they think is a safe target. Just spreadin that negative energy around. She actually took me off her facebook friends list. What does that actually mean? Sometimes I have to wonder what would people do to an actual enemy or threat if its so easy to just cut someone off so quickly.
The Detroit trip is still up in the air. Its gonna happen. But right now it looks like it won't be until July or even August before I can make it out there. Probably for the best. I can save up alot more money and make sure the shit is done right you know? Theres really nothing wrong with taking my time putting these episodes out. Jakezilla taught me that. He took forever and a day to edit the recent episode of SinsofLegend which came out wonderfully with the minor exception of "someone who shall remain nameless and their non acting". Heh heh heh. The budget per episode has ballooned up to about $700+ per episode. Yes now you know why I'm so broke so much of the time. I don't mind the expense though because for me its an investment that I know will pay off oneday. Hopefully sooner than later. Since the black and gay communities have mostly proven they aren't really interested in helping me produce stuff I have to pace how these episodes come out so I won't be eating top ramen noodles. Thats craziness and totally unhealthy in the long run. Done it before but just don't wanna put myself through that anymore. Seriously. Gotta cut loose some of these flakey mofos too and do some recasting. Already plans have been set in motion to retitle all of my webseries. So in effect this is that "soft reboot" I've been talking about. The plan is to start this big storyline that will lead to a full length project next year. The goal for next year is to take my stuff to as many comic conventions or film festivals as I can. So 2016 is gonna be an interesting year. It will also be the year I move somewhere. The date has been set in my mind. Sorta. Sometime in Feb after my taxes are done I gotta move out of that apartment for my peace of mind. Speaking of conventions E3 was this week. Thats the big videogame convention that happens once a year. Videogames have always been one of my passions so of course making one one day is something in the works. Its a money thing as far as why I've not put out one yet. Been working on concepts though for awhile so its gonna happen eventually. What I think is that in time Sergio will start learning some computer programming skills and produce his own games that way he won't have to pay anyone else to do it. He's gonna get in the gym too soon probably. DragonManx is getting to be more and more of a physical series so theres no getting around combat training and some kind of conditioning. One of my actors might be able to help me. We'll see. Wish I had more time to play videogames honsetly. I've such a huge backlog of them. Mostly I can get in an hour a day. I try to play more on my off days. As of right now I am taking the rest of the year off of buying any mostly because they have gotten so damn expensive and I have so many built up over the years that I need to finish! Really wish Microsoft would fix Skype since its the main reason I bought an Xbox1. Its so damn buggy and only works like half the time. Nintendo still pisses me off because they refuse to support or even acknowledge their machine has a voice chat function. Meanwhile Sony is slow in putting in PS4 features the PS3 has had since like day one. They JUST added the ability to play MP3 files from USB devices. Still can't use external harddrives though. Microsoft unveiled backwards compatibility the other day which is something I didn't really expect. Hopefully we will start to see more diversity in videogames because its still pretty vanilla out here. It would be really cool if more people of color got into game development. Vin Diesel has a company but he hasn't put out anything new in a good while. Recently Shaq was working on a reboot of a game he did in the 90's but just like the DMX game and a Snoop Dog game that was in production things have gone black. No pun intended. Anyway it might be a good time for me to test my videogame tournament idea. Probably need to find someone to help me put everything together. Since the crowd funding stuff didn't work for me this could be another more effective fundraiser for projects. It shouldn't be too hard to get people together in a controlled environment to play games even if theres a small charge for admission....
A couple of guys have expressed interest in getting to know me better. One lives in NY. One in Texas. We've spoken by phone and skype. There was a cool guy I met off Adam 4 Adam but he dumped me. Hey it happens. I think he just didn't really like the idea of sharing but the truth is I really liked him and was seriously considering you know possibly going into something serious with him. Partly I wonder if one of his friends gave him some advice or something because he just suddenly changed. I did really like dude. It makes me sad because things were not going so great for me and the current situation. He actually had a chance and the thing is he'll never likely know that I was actually ready to try and love him. Maybe by the time I realized that it was just simply too much too little too late like they say in that song. At this point dating sites don't work or haven't worked too well. Lots of fake profiles and just general all around nastiness. Simpler to just focus on what is in front of me. Even if it works long hours,lives in the gym and church and has some issues with intimacy due to some childhood shit/life trauma shit. Dude might actually never really be relationship material even if at times he seems to wanna try and consider "something" even though he's being pulled in so many directions with life obligations. Maybe oneday when I'm rich and famous all those other areas of my life that seem so mysterious will make sense or even out. Honestly (and it pains me to say this cliche'd mess) Sergio has other priorities right now. Not sure if theres any energy left to put into pursuing love connections. Wish I had the answer. So much that needs working on.
Tried to understand what this is
but there ain't no answer man.
Relationship?
Open union?
What to call you?
A person who entered my life
fell into my existence
not a coincidence
that the lust gave way
gave way to way more.
Two people over time
developing some kinda
freaky understanding
of each other.
Sometimes I swear I have
no idea of who you are
yet
it always seems to come back to this
this thing that we have
that I cannot put into words.
You know me man.
Have seen me at my best and worst.
We both know you don't have to stay
but you choose not to leave.
So often I wish the rest of the world
could see me the way you.
A flawed creature
but still a worthwhile creature.
One with a good heart
not someone to be abused or shunned
or sabotaged.
A being capable of being a steadfast friend.
Someone who is even sexy (sometimes?)
even if he's a nerd who might not have
all these material things or the perfect body.
You still see
some kind of a warrior
using what he has
doing his best
against all odds
to survive.
Even though at times you make me crazy
You are the god sent light in my darkness.
*
Went to the movies the other day to see those dinosaurs and it was a great film but even that became an adventure. Some fool tried to get into my bank account and it cost me. Cost me about ten minutes of the movie. Yes it did. Cost me ALOT of time on the damn phone with customer service. They say the money is back in my account. They said it before but that wasn't the case. Do I have some sort of a target on my back? Then just the other day some more cops beat up some more black folks. What the hell is going on? The same shit happened yesterday I think. Last week a black woman was outed as being white by her family. World keeps getting crazier I swear. But is it so wrong for a white woman to identify with or wanna be black? There sure are a bunch of black folks who wish they were white. Sometimes I wonder what my life would be like if I were white. Would I feel so isolated and alone with the geekiness? Would I feel so much of a need to be wary around other black people who might not be kind to me because I'm black too? I don't know. Guess I never will. All of my experiences have made me into the person I am. Sometimes I wonder if my life woulda been easier if I were a female but I'm no Bruce Jenner. Or Caitlin. Much respect to her. Super man athelete. Super mom super model. Thats some resume!
We had some small quakes over here. Tremors really I guess. Keep thinking about moving you know? Something just keeps feeling....I dunno could be the call of the wild or some kinda sixth sense telling me to leave Cali. Mostly I know its time to get out of my apartment after all these years. So much time spent dealing with crazy neighbors has definitely taken a toll on my health mentally and physically and I could really use a break. Then the other night I got into it with a crazy co-worker who was mad because (and I kid you not) because I was a minute late. One of the reasons I work nights is to avoid nutty people and stressful situations but sometimes you just can't hide from the crazy. It will seek you out. Folks have so much stuff going on in their lives that sometimes to feel some measure of control they lash out at anyone they think is a safe target. Just spreadin that negative energy around. She actually took me off her facebook friends list. What does that actually mean? Sometimes I have to wonder what would people do to an actual enemy or threat if its so easy to just cut someone off so quickly.
The Detroit trip is still up in the air. Its gonna happen. But right now it looks like it won't be until July or even August before I can make it out there. Probably for the best. I can save up alot more money and make sure the shit is done right you know? Theres really nothing wrong with taking my time putting these episodes out. Jakezilla taught me that. He took forever and a day to edit the recent episode of SinsofLegend which came out wonderfully with the minor exception of "someone who shall remain nameless and their non acting". Heh heh heh. The budget per episode has ballooned up to about $700+ per episode. Yes now you know why I'm so broke so much of the time. I don't mind the expense though because for me its an investment that I know will pay off oneday. Hopefully sooner than later. Since the black and gay communities have mostly proven they aren't really interested in helping me produce stuff I have to pace how these episodes come out so I won't be eating top ramen noodles. Thats craziness and totally unhealthy in the long run. Done it before but just don't wanna put myself through that anymore. Seriously. Gotta cut loose some of these flakey mofos too and do some recasting. Already plans have been set in motion to retitle all of my webseries. So in effect this is that "soft reboot" I've been talking about. The plan is to start this big storyline that will lead to a full length project next year. The goal for next year is to take my stuff to as many comic conventions or film festivals as I can. So 2016 is gonna be an interesting year. It will also be the year I move somewhere. The date has been set in my mind. Sorta. Sometime in Feb after my taxes are done I gotta move out of that apartment for my peace of mind. Speaking of conventions E3 was this week. Thats the big videogame convention that happens once a year. Videogames have always been one of my passions so of course making one one day is something in the works. Its a money thing as far as why I've not put out one yet. Been working on concepts though for awhile so its gonna happen eventually. What I think is that in time Sergio will start learning some computer programming skills and produce his own games that way he won't have to pay anyone else to do it. He's gonna get in the gym too soon probably. DragonManx is getting to be more and more of a physical series so theres no getting around combat training and some kind of conditioning. One of my actors might be able to help me. We'll see. Wish I had more time to play videogames honsetly. I've such a huge backlog of them. Mostly I can get in an hour a day. I try to play more on my off days. As of right now I am taking the rest of the year off of buying any mostly because they have gotten so damn expensive and I have so many built up over the years that I need to finish! Really wish Microsoft would fix Skype since its the main reason I bought an Xbox1. Its so damn buggy and only works like half the time. Nintendo still pisses me off because they refuse to support or even acknowledge their machine has a voice chat function. Meanwhile Sony is slow in putting in PS4 features the PS3 has had since like day one. They JUST added the ability to play MP3 files from USB devices. Still can't use external harddrives though. Microsoft unveiled backwards compatibility the other day which is something I didn't really expect. Hopefully we will start to see more diversity in videogames because its still pretty vanilla out here. It would be really cool if more people of color got into game development. Vin Diesel has a company but he hasn't put out anything new in a good while. Recently Shaq was working on a reboot of a game he did in the 90's but just like the DMX game and a Snoop Dog game that was in production things have gone black. No pun intended. Anyway it might be a good time for me to test my videogame tournament idea. Probably need to find someone to help me put everything together. Since the crowd funding stuff didn't work for me this could be another more effective fundraiser for projects. It shouldn't be too hard to get people together in a controlled environment to play games even if theres a small charge for admission....
A couple of guys have expressed interest in getting to know me better. One lives in NY. One in Texas. We've spoken by phone and skype. There was a cool guy I met off Adam 4 Adam but he dumped me. Hey it happens. I think he just didn't really like the idea of sharing but the truth is I really liked him and was seriously considering you know possibly going into something serious with him. Partly I wonder if one of his friends gave him some advice or something because he just suddenly changed. I did really like dude. It makes me sad because things were not going so great for me and the current situation. He actually had a chance and the thing is he'll never likely know that I was actually ready to try and love him. Maybe by the time I realized that it was just simply too much too little too late like they say in that song. At this point dating sites don't work or haven't worked too well. Lots of fake profiles and just general all around nastiness. Simpler to just focus on what is in front of me. Even if it works long hours,lives in the gym and church and has some issues with intimacy due to some childhood shit/life trauma shit. Dude might actually never really be relationship material even if at times he seems to wanna try and consider "something" even though he's being pulled in so many directions with life obligations. Maybe oneday when I'm rich and famous all those other areas of my life that seem so mysterious will make sense or even out. Honestly (and it pains me to say this cliche'd mess) Sergio has other priorities right now. Not sure if theres any energy left to put into pursuing love connections. Wish I had the answer. So much that needs working on.
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