A HARD PILL TO SWALLOW.

Hid their feelings for some guy

Just couldn't accept
for the life of him
who
or what he really was.
Even went so far
as to get another job
anything to distract
from those
supposedly ungodly feelings
(You see thats how dude was brought up)
Couldn't bear to give in to
something he simply couldn't accept.
(Maybe this was the first time he'd felt this)
Shit he went out
and started his own little non-profit.
(Who says you can't make some good focus out of bottled up trauma?)
Anything to brush these feelings under a proverbial rug.
(But they never really went away. These feelings)
Dude never even bothered to say goodbye
to the one
who would have loved him
the way he deserved to be loved.
The one who had to learn
how to unlove him.

Because thats what the world taught them both.

The world told them they couldn't be together
and the lie became a bitter truth.
A hard pill to swallow indeed.

This shit happens everyday.

It feels so right
yet it feels wrong
that I may have convinced myself of something
not true
not natural.
Hell I'm not exactly normal
even though I fight for the balance
of nature.
I am honored to be a voice for those who have no voice of their own
walking in the light
whilst still being of the darkness
shunned by humanity
misunderstood
underestimated so often
and no one really knows who I am
except me
(or those who watch me from beyond I guess)
I dunno....
folks say
this is how it feels when you're a leader
someone who can see thru the haze clouding so many eyes.
I think I have accepted my fate
to climb this tall mountain
daring to believe theres Shangrila beyond those clouds
while no one else is trying hard enough.
Maybe they just simply can't and thats
just the way it is.
Am I a fool to believe in potential others have within?
So often it feels like its a lonely climb to the top.

"A sky full of people but no one want s to fly"
(Sigh) Those are Seals words not mine by the way.

Maybe I need to hangout with more people like people who compose hit songs for Batman soundtracks.

Is it all imagined
that others often copy my actions?
Is it all imagined
I copy others actions
at times.
Concealing feelings
fighting emotions
acting like I'm anti-social
and thats not really who I am?
Am I merely adapting
to this
unfriendly
undeveloped
hostile
and limited in its communication skills?
Have I let others infect me so much with their issues
that they have become my own?
Does it make one sick
to ignore feelings
suppressing them because you know
the other person could never feel the same way?
Its not easy to have unreciprocated feelings
but over time it becomes easier to resist them because
a wise man who had many wives once said
"It shouldn't be an uphill battle"
Its crazy enough
to survive in this crazy world we live in
that I just don't have the energy or time
or motivation to want who doesn't want me.

Fuck them.

Even though I wsih them peace at the same time.

Does that even make sense?