Confessions of a sad superhero book 139

 I just got chewed out by one of my supervisors because apparently I offended one of my co-workers. She's a relatively new guard and I swear since day one she has had this weird animosity towards me as if she were somehow compromised because of something someone said either that or I just happen to remind her of someone who burned down her village or something. In some ways she reminds me of the mother of one of my sisters. Someone who never liked me from the get go or my mother for that matter but anyway... Things have been kinda weird with me and another co-worker who has been micro-managing me for coming back from my breaks sometimes a few minutes late but this person does things that I don't complain about because I just have too many other things on my mind to care. All I will say is he is VERY lucky there aren't video cameras on every floor. But anyway I suspect he may have said something to this other guard because this morning she gave me this look when I came to the desk to turn in my keys and walkie so I joked that she had a look of terror on her face. Like maybe she saw someone in the courtyard. She goes "Why would you say something like that?"and I told her I was just joking. I tried to lighten the mood by asking her if she heard anything about the missing key and she was like I guess you are talking to (the other guard who was there who she'd been speaking with until I came to the desk who is the same guard who I am not really speaking with these days) because I have a look of terror on my face. I just walked away awkwardly and came back upstairs to play some games on my computer. Moments later my supervisor came up to talk to me and I knew something was up. She told me when I see people just say good morning or good night and keep it moving. This was the same pep talk I'd given myself on the elevator ride upstairs moments earlier. I observe people and their behavior and the more I do the more I realize in alot of ways I may be more mentally well rounded than I give myself credit for. We all have our buttons and sure sometimes there are bad days and things might be said we regret and I also understand even though I do not do this folks vent by taking their stress out on others especially when you might appear to be happy (even if in reality you are walking on a thin line and barely keeping it together cuz you dealing with your own life drama) I observe people watching me. I observe people pointing out my flaws and picking at me to draw out negative reactions. I observe people imitating my actions and even at times competing with me for attention from others. I'm not perfect but damn is it irritating knowing in so many ways you are more mature than many who come in your presence. I thank the gods I have outlets and hobbies along with goals to work towards because I probably would have jumped off a building or something many moons ago having to navigate through this world while dealing with so much BS from people. Not all people. Just SOME who seem to exist only to work my nerves.

(Update: I just found out I am not the only person having trouble with that other guard. So I can rest easy knowing it isn't just me)

So on Monday I'm supposed to be filming a new episode of Nerds With Badges. Its been awhile and I gotta say I am a bit on the fence because its gonna cost me $400 to have someone film and edit it. Also I'm paying my guest who is a co-worker. I don't wanna keep pushing the filming date back either because I have already done that once. Also I just paid $350 to get copies of my DragonManx comic printed. Then I had to pay the animator of my Sasquatch cartoon $200 and also a couple of artists working on designs for two new characters. These are African characters who I will create a manga around! Rent is due in like a week and I just had money come out my account for my dental insurance. There's also the fact I HAVE to get storage sooner than later. All this to say as the saying goes..its always something. I had to get bailed out last month by a good friend but I am gonna have to make some serious cutbacks so finances won't be stressing me out as much as they do...

Confessions of a sad superhero book 138

 Ugh. I was on vacation last week and got a call from my job saying they had broken into my locker to investigate a "strange" smell. The smell was actually a small tea bag sized insect repellant thingie. They took all my stuff out. I had to retrieve my laptop, Logitech G Cloud console, security cap and backpack that was inside from my boss. But if they did that why did they leave my non-perishable and packaged food (lunch stuff) out in the open in a small box with a note on it instead of also leaving that with my boss? Yeah, I was and still am pissed. 

Been having some interesting dreams lately. Seems I dreamt a certain person on the job who I caught feelings for (but got dropped like a hot potato) spoke to me and it was like old times when we were actually talking to each other instead of pretending the other person doesn't exist. Also, I had a weird dream about seeing a ghostlike Middle Eastern man standing in the hallway. Something about this person seemed kinda familiar I think. They were tall and carried a cane. Seemed dressed in some sort of robe as well. There were other dreams too. Mostly vague I'm afraid but my dad and a dog featured in some. 

Can't say my vacation was not productive as I managed to get out to Universal Citywalk with an old friend for lunch and create a new character and or concepts. Since its time for me to go home now I will return with more details.

Confessions of a sad superhero book 137

 So yesterday I learned a lesson in patience at work from a lady who works in another department. Lets just call her "M". I have a particular co-worker who has been working my nerves these past few months. Sometimes he seems cool but mostly I am convinced he is insane or possibly being influenced perhaps by demonic entities. Alot of the time I will just be sitting at the desk chilling enjoying life and here he comes usually saying or doing something that rattles my nerves. Dude will see me and then his eyes will fix on me taking on every little detail and I swear other people have noticed he will notice and point out things. He watches me like a hawk often and sometimes he will copy things that I do. Also he's extremely nosey to the point he will try to look at what I am doing if I am doing something on the computer. I have also observed him listening in on my phone conversations. Now I do not hate dude because sometimes he's cool and like another annoying co-worker I ended up blocking on social media we can have wonderful conversations but then there are times he does things that make me question if he had any home training. Like last night I had some snacks sitting up on the desk and he just walks over like he always does and goes "Oh for me" or he'll say something like "Why did you steal my (whatever I am eating) He saw a vendor give me a danish one night and then he started asking for danishes I kid you not. Now the vendor doesn't give me danishes like he used to. So anyway last night I basically went off on him because the way I was raised you don't just walk over and start putting your hands on other folks stuff especially since I don't know where your hands have been. So he acted all offended and later when I asked "M" for advice after telling her what happened she gave me some good yet amusing advice. She told me that I need to use my "white voice" in certain situations especially considering where I am. She said as a black woman she often has to be careful when situations arise becuae even though she might be in the right because she is a black woman she in certain environments has to conduct herself a certain way. She also pointed out you can have boundaries but its all about the delivery and the energy you bring. I just thought it was really cool how she was able to give me some wisdom and later I did apologize to dude and better articulate I just do not like folks putting they hands on my shit unless I give the okay. No I did not say it that way.

I am on vacation the next few days and let me tell you I need it. My spirit needs it. Been really thinking alot about looking for another job. Been seeing how crazy the world is getting with all the escalating crime and shootings too. There was another shooting just the other day after a ball game. 21 people shot and 11 kids. One woman died and good samaritans managed to tackle one of the shooters. I swear sometimes the world seems so insane that I don't even wanna leave my house. Then on top of that you're still expected to deal with your own trauma while going back and forth to work. I think now I kinda understand why so many folks abandon their dreams because we get caught up simply maintaning survival. Valentines Day came and went by without so much as a phone call from Captain Liberia which is another reminder this man I constantly think about cares very little for me. Yeah I guess I could have called him but he's married to a woman and likely has other people on the side. Yes I'm idealistic but not stupid. Theres a cute African guy in Nigeria who claims he wants something with me but even if he sounds convincing at times its hard for me to trust him because of bad experiences with folks overseas trying to scam my mind. Also yeah he's like a million miles away. I'm sitting here listening to state of jazz on spotify and trying not to beat myself up over how much better I wish my life could be and how I need to fix certain things. This is usually all it takes for me to break out of the whole woe is me and wishing I had someone. Well that and memories of how badly things turned out when I chased that dream. But I have learned that some of these guys will actually hate you for daring to chase them. The film is coming along. Post-production of course. I just got the cover done for an upcoming SonsofLegend comic and the cartoon is still being worked on. My podcast will return later this month plus I'll soon have physical copies of DragonManx #1 to sell. Still doing my mostly daily uploads of my videogameplay on Youtube and just his week I created a brand new character, A female character of African descent who has to use supernatural powers to battle her evil twin brother. So I guess it coud be said I am not without a lover. Seems I have many lovers in my life who can supply me what I need. It feels funny to say that or even ironic I can find so much happiness in art, creating or even in fantasy realms. Maybe the right man for me then is the one I can draw and write about. More irony? Anyway its time for some gaming or bingeing. I need to call my family to check up on them this week instead of constantly putting it off. I need to also decide if I'm going to visit an amusement park this week or weekend because God knows I need to pinch my pennies. I did mention I was thinking of quitting the LGBT center right? Yeah it is definitely getting close to that time.