APR 24-25^{th 2019} 

I’m still here working in the old lgbt youth building on highland. I suppose we will only be here for a few more days (if that long) before we’re completely moved into the new building. Its quiet and peaceful here with no people around to bother me. Or to look over my shoulder to see what I’m doing. Its all good. Sometimes alittle solitude isn’t a bad thing you know.  I will likely be transferred over into the new building a block away next week when I come back from my vacation. Its been a weird last few days for me so I can use the time to wallow in my thoughts. First off I had a rehearsal scheduled for Monday and one of the two actors decided to literally cancel on me at the last moment. I got a text like five minutes after the hour saying….

“Hey Sergio, sorry for the bother and late contact, just finishing on set, I’m seeing that it would be best for everyone to recast my role. Apologizes but my time and scheduling seem to keep being a conflict”

Now keep in mind I paid to rent out the space. I paid him and the other actor (who did show up but I sent him home) in advance. I picked up some snacks and water. The DP I just hired was there too. So we’re all sitting around trying to decide what to do because we couldn’t really rehearse without a second actor. I can see from now on I need to have back-up actors onsite and maybe it might be a good idea to have folks sign contracts.  This is so weird to me because I have been having trouble casting this role of “Harthley” who is kind of a love interest for my character. In some cases the people flake at the last minute or they act as if they didn’t even know it was a gay or bi role. Sometimes I wonder if its just because I’m not really attractive to the person for whatever reason so they don’t wanna do the romantic scenes with me. Some probably don't wanna bother because they see I'm not some mega rich movie mogul (yet). People have told me to make sure and remember these flakes in case they ever resurface and when I tell my associates what happened they sometimes ask me the names of the individuals. (Its a small world out there so whos to say karma won't use someone you hurt to block your progress in the future?) Then theres a part of me that wonders if someone out there is deliberately trying to sabotage my productions. I know I have enemies out there so it could be possible. Who knows. It would be interesting to find out if other minority productions with lgbt content are facing the same types of troubles. Call me paranoid but I just keep feeling something is going on behind the scenes. This has just happened too many times to be a mere coincidence/circumstance. It would certainly explain why no one else is out there trying to do anything quite like what I’m doing.  Someone could be fucking things up to prevent them from progressing or attempting to steer them in a certain direction. I don’t like this idea of anyone trying to manipulate me or control my life. Its hard enough out here without people putting up walls you know? So anyway I recast the role but I’m feeling apprehensive. The guy certainly is a character with an interesting background (He used to work for the FBI and is ex military which means he probably has investigated the backgrounds of everyone in my family by now!) yet he comes across as VERY aggressive at times. As if he doesn’t trust me. My spidey sense is telling me to give him another role because he might be difficult to work with. Also “Harthley” is actually more of a laid back individual. Its strange to say this but I think I might seriously need to find someone to date then cast them as “Harthley” because that way it won’t be weird being in any intimate scenes together and plus the natural chemistry will be there. I have had success working with dudes on film projects when we had something going on offscreen. Montezilla. The Sneaky African. Kevin. Montezilla told me he was more into white guys and Latinos. Kevin later told me he regretted pushing me away but he was mostly keeping an eye on what else was out there. The Sneaky African moved away and his life just got too busy to seriously date anyone. We still talk and obviously care a lot for each other but the thing is that he lives way over yonder in North Dakota. If I could afford it I would fly there more often to see him. Moving there? Not quite sure but I am sooooooo ret to leave Cali. So ready.

Came in to work Monday after my “rehearsal” (which actually turned into a much needed meeting regarding production) and discovered someone had taken my I love NY Disney mug I bought at the Disney store in Times Square probably about 15 years ago. I was so pissed because I’d forgotten it and left it here at the security desk Saturday when I left to go home in the morning. Now this is not the first time I have had something taken and it just sickens me to think I work with people who will smile in my face then behind my back they’d take something they know is obviously mine or left for me with my name on it even. I went on Ebay to order another one because I was so pissed. I’m even more pissed at much it cost. It would be ironic if the mug I ordered was actually mine. The dealer only had one left and I was unable to find anymore online like it. Ugh. So pertaining to my upcoming production of “Sasquatch and the mythology sisterhood” we are gonna shoot a couple of cool scenes on Saturday. Theres some special effects work that’s gonna be trick so that’s largely why I decided to spend the day focusing on those shots entirely. Dude named Scott is in his apartment working out then he showers and gets dressed partially using his psionic abilities. I had to order a special greenscreen type suit because that will give us a lot more freedom in the scene plus it won’t look like cheap ass. I will wear the suit and then have to put dudes clothes on (that might be kinda hot!) then the DP will digitally remove me and it’ll look like the clothes are floating over and putting themselves on dude via telekinesis. I am thinking of adding something else to the scene but its gonna be pushing it (probably). I wanted to shoot a fight in the place between dude and his brother as they go at it with their paranormal abilities but Damonzilla said he didn’t want a fight scene shot in his place so maybe I can tone it down into more of an argument. But its gotta be something that won’t be boring. I have an actor for the role so I will talk to him tomorrow after I let the DP and Damonzilla know (he’s helping with directing duties). There are also a couple more actors interested in the Harthley roles who I may use in some other capacity unless I decide to switch around Mr. Aggro. Yes he is VERY serious and matter of fact. He actually reminds me of a guy I used to have a crush on who rooms with a good friend of mine.

And now the news…. Well another bombing type situation happened the other day in Sri Lanka. This was supposedly in retaliation to Australia bombings on a muslim church. So basically we have radical folks who felt the only way to get justice was to kill a bunch of other people. Innocent people of course. All in the name of religion. Then the other day a guy threw a kid off a balcony in the mall of America. Just walked over and grabbed the kid and threw him. All because he “wanted to kill somebody” Just when I thought the world couldn’t get any crazier. Things with Jusssie Smollet have kinda quieted down but it seems the city of Chicago wants to sue him over all the money that was spent on court costs and investigations. Meanwhile it appears there may be a move to impeach Tramp….er Trump. Not sure how that’s gonna play out. He’s basically gotten away with everything he’s said or done so far and it seems the public just doesn’t care to get rid of him because if they did he’d be out of there already. I didn’t think he would win the presidency but he did which only reaffirms how insane the world we live in has gotten. They wanna change the census now to ask how long have you been in this country. Theres so much focus on immigration and I’m not saying it isn’t a problem but there are so many other things we need to be concentrating on. This crazy weather is one of them. One minute its cold then the next its 80 degrees outside and I’m being tortured by allergies I never had before. Coachella happened and I didn’t go. Kanye West did some weird church shit that had a lot of folks scratching their collective heads. So that happened. Kanye West is so damn sexy but he just keeps doing and saying strange stuff and I’m really starting to worry just what is going on with him. Really. I think that’s about all I wanna talk about for now. I gotta get back to figuring out how Saturdays film shoot is gonna unfold. It is exciting to be getting back into my connected universe. The plan is to shoot four episodes of this new webseries then transition into doing a full length film project to be completed by next year. The DP mentioned getting some new storyboards done so I need to see whats up with that sense I already spent moolah on story boards. Whatever.

I had to change camera men for the upcoming shoot date for "Sasquatch and the mythology sisterhood". Dude had an accident with his camera and other stuff kept popping up which made scheduling difficult. Add to that I was still not happy with the script. Only just the other day did I finally complete a draft I was satisfied with. But we lost actors. Good talent....because we had to keep changing dates. I hired a new guy just yesterday but I may need to get another director if I'm gonna keep the budget low. I have a cool lady who I wanna work with. Her name is Jessica and she's worked with me before. Thing is she's a bit on the high side and the reality is I probably can't afford her. Good news is that I finally seem to have found my leading man. Its weird because he seems to be having some apprehension about the part. I met with him this week to talk about the script and to let him know I am just as nervous as he is about doing any type of romantic stuff. In a perfect world I'd just use someone I'm dating which is what I have done before. Its just easier you know to do love scenes with someone you dig as opposed to some stranger. As it is my character may simply not have a love interest. Just because he's an lgbt character doesn't mean he needs a love interest. I can always write those types of situations featuring other characters. We know Goyangee is moMaybe westly gay anyway and don't need to see him knocking boots or playing the kissing game onscreen. I can save that for the books, animation or videogame projects etc. It is kinda gross to imagine kissing someone else and not knowing where their mouth has been. a lot of people are nasty not even gonna lie. Sometimes I think about getting someone else to play Goyangee. Maybe if I got some hot guy to play me it would be easier to cast a love interest for Goyangee?

I was really struggling with the script until the other day a LYFT driver gave me an idea. He said I should put in a currently hot topic like immigration. So I thought about an incident I witnessed many years ago in Hollywood where some people involved in a car accident fled the scene. I took that and turned it into a supernatural type event which was originally gonna be one of those heroes saving people scenes. I'm so glad that while I was trying to get the script down and looking for my actors I had the incentive to get some storyboards and comic art done. Something to raise morale and keep everyone involved in the project motivated. I put out a solid date for the shoot and I'm to meet with the DP this coming Sunday. Maybe we can go look at some locations. I'd like to film one scene by the train station near my apartment building. A couple of my SinsofLegend actors have been trying to get me to use their residences for scenes. Thing is they are kinda far truthfully so it might not work out.

Speaking of work I have been having some issues with a couple of the guys at the job. I can't wait till we move into the new building so I can get away from some of these two faced individuals. Folks like to say somethings wrong with me but seriously the more I observe some of these folks the more convinced I am that medical experts would be stumped if they could take a peek into their thought processes. Things folks like to keep secret because they know they'd be committed if people knew what goes through their minds. I try to stay focused on my art and keeping my bills paid yet these fools keep coming for me and it makes absolutely no sense. I had to report a guy yesterday because of his outrageous behavior towards me especially when other people are around. The LYFT driver who picked me up from work yesterday said some people just have demons in them or they are in fact demons. I'd be a fool if I sat around plotting to hurt someone and scheming for an opportunity to take my anger out on someone. Even doing stuff like that on impulse is something thats an alien concept for me yet it seems common for many people. It just feels....beneath me. Someone spit on my door recently. I've no idea who did it. Could be the people from Bangladesh on my floor. Then theres the people who live over me who stomp and drop heavy things all the time. People watch me. Copy me sometimes. Thats weird to me. I had to take a break from a dude who used to play games with me on Xbox live. He flat out admitted he would pick the powerful characters and kick my ass repeatedly with them just so he could hear me complain then he got pissed and said "I'm disconnecting my mic because I don't wanna hear it anymore!"  I still haven't decided if I should unfriend him because we will likely never play any games together again. I don't think I know anyone else with such a closed mind. Why do I need folks like that in my life? Then theres these guys from Africa who keep hitting me up on Facebook attempting to get money from me. I told them many black folks over here are one pay check away from the streets yet for some reason they don't seem to believe me. I think oneday I'd like to move to Africa because it certainly appears only African guys want me. Seriously. But I can't leave the country until I replace the passport that mother fucker stole from me last year in Detroit forever tainting the place that was my home away from home. I love black men but they seem to be the ones who cost me the most. (Sigh) Maybe it would make for some good stories if Goyangee's love life (or lack of it) became an element of the webseries. Why is it that the so called heroes seem to be the people who spend their existence dancing around love? Why is it so entertaining to watch heroes struggle with this? Do the gods find it entertaining watching so many of us struggle going after something that is probably never gonna happen? That is so damn twisted. Even Superman has a love life thats not so super.

Been doing quite a bit of dreaming lately. So much in fact I've not been able to keep up in my dream Journal. Recently had my first flying dream for a good while. Some people think dreams are how we work things out in our lives. Others think theres some supernatural forces trying to communicate with us. Stephen King said he gets some of his stories from dreams and I have thought about trying that. Maybe a couple of times I have used dream elements. Would be something if some of the solutions to script issues I've had were hidden away in dreams. My novel that I've been working on since last year involves a dragon who uses teddy bears to invade childrens dreams to suck their lifeforce out. Yes I'm serious. I have always planned to bring my connected webseries characters together into one big epic battle. Since I lost the rights to "Daughters" its been a struggle trying to figure out a way to substitute another fragment of the puzzle. "Sasquatch and the Mythology Sisterhood" was my answer and if I must say so its a much better idea than "Daughters" was. Certainly more interesting than what I saw at a recent screening but anyway.... I think the big baddie I've been searching for who will bring together all my webseries characters could (in some capacity at least) be the dream dragon creature. More than likely it'll be his BOSS....