Confessions of a sad superhero book 125

 So I guess this is the new normal...people urinating on the property here and getting verbally assaulted by people (those who live here and otherwise) also theres the matter of tension with folks who work with me or in other departments. Its not wonder my nerves are shot and I have such a hard time relaxing. Some random nutcase outside started yelling at me as I walked to the entrance to a stairwell to start my break. It was loud and embarrasing and I think this same individual tried to punk me a few weeks ago. So instead of going on my way I simply stopped smiling and said I'm still here. They walked away though. Meanwhile the folks gathered said nothing but looked on in amusement. Well one person said "We live here" I asked "Who was that?" No response. Time for me to get out of here. In other news "The artist formerly known as Mr. Grey eyes" broke off things between us earlier. Maybe he somehow sensed it was coming because we didn't talk the other day. I have really been dreading having "the talk" and now its all done. Nothing left to do but move on. It was for the best and as much as I liked him the truth is we were not compatible. Perhaps I'm not compatible with anyone on this planet. I'm starting to wonder. Still theres so much I have to do. Maybe in this life I just don't have time for relationships or dating anymore.

Confessions of a sad superhero book 124

 Its been a crazy week so far but things have calmed down in a most surprising way. Particularly with the co-worker I was not getting along with. We actually got into it the other night but tonight it was as if he were a different peson. Dude offered me pizza last night and I guess pizza is one of my weaknesses. Even if it had ham on it. (I'm only eating mostly seafood and veggie or fruit things these days) He insisted I take 3 slices so I ate one and I'm bringing the other two slices home for maybe dinner today. I actually eat dinner when I get home nowadays. So last night was a cool night. No fighting or crazy folks hanging around causing trouble. The other night is a different story. There was a fight and then some guy was trying to taser people and another dude was throwing water on him from a water bottle. I watched the whole surreal ordeal unfold on the video cameras. Its something the stuff we witness here. I am still talking with my friend from Botswana. Formerly Mr. Grey Eyes. He shut me down about the nickname because he said it was something that caused him discomfort. But that was just me being affectionate in my own way. Thing is in all honesty the flame has kinda gone out for me anyway and we will have that "I think we need to just be friends" talk soon. Maybe today. We have nice conversations and all but there is no romance. I think because he was single for 10 years that part of him is just submerged in some way. Its nice havig someone to talk to daily who actually notices and appreciates you but I just don't have those feelings and I do feel bad about having to let him down you know? Meanwhile Captain Liberia still calls me and says I just dropped him because he is seeing this woman even though they rarely meet up and she lives out of state. There was a time I was really quite smitten with Jon but like 99% of the time it felt one-sided and after really thinking back on all those time we had together I realize it WAS one-sided. Tired of giving energy to people I have to pursue. I can't even really recall a time someone I thought was the shit paid that kind of attention to me. Really messes with your self esteem let me tell you. Makes you start to doubt your self worth and then folks see it and it really makes them not wanna be with you. Its a crazy cycle. Mr. Ninja and i have not spoken in months now. Sometimes I see him on my way out and we sort of acknowledge each other yet never speak and its weird we are acting as if we don't know each other. My guess is who ever he's giving it to on a regular basis is very important so the proper way he deals is to pretend I don't exist. Good for him I guess. The whole situation is so strange and I don't even know how to feel to be truthful. I never did anything wrong other than really care for dude yet I can take some comfort in the observation we were never compatible. There was some sexual attraction then...well I suppose it fizzled. Hard for me to maintain focus when one gets the idea they are not wanted. So its true you can get over anything in time and the heart can heal but it does take awhile. Life must go on. Theres a part of me that would like the concept of being in a relationship yet at this stage in my life its something I could do without if it just never happened again you know? I'm more invested in my comic book projects these days. There are a few film projects in production and the animated short is moving along. Outside of these passions as well as family and friends everything else seems like a distraction. 

Speaking of my projects I was trying to rent a room hare at work to do a rehearsal next week for the SonsofLegend promo short I'm filming before this year is out. But the staff hasn't responded since I sent a message yesterday. They changed the whole process of requesting a space so I'm not even sure they saw my request form you have to fill out online. Meanwhile the anthology comic Argo is doing which features my "DragonManx" character is about to have its Kickstarter campaign launched soon. Nerds With Badges may be getting at long last a new episode sooner than later. Was gonna order some new shirts to give my guests. That can get expensive but some folks have asked for the shirts. Maybe I should look into getting some NWB apparel made on a grander scale? Something for thought. The Sasquatch cartoon is getting its own comic book rendition and at the rate the artist works it will be done in a few more months. Its only gonna cost me like $80.00 a page. Sounds cheap but when you consider all the other things I'm pouring money into. Investments. Rent. Food. (Uber/LYFT!) Streaming apps and games or comics...well its that time for me to cut back especially since I have to start looking into storage space plus I gotta get a root canal and glasses. If I take too much time to dwell on all this shit the complexities of my life can seem overwhelming. Thank the gods I have outlets.🥲

Confessions of a sad superhero book 123

-To Indiana Jones's new soundtrack via Spotify-

I took a few sick days off work mainly because I have been more stressed out than usual and health-wise wise I noticed a few things that have alarmed me. I have lost weight and over the past few days I was feeling some kind of heartburn-type sensation and an over all impression as if my body was fighting off something. Thankfully I've managed to keep busy creatively so this definitely helps lift my spirits from that cloud of funkiness thats been floating around over me these last few months. It has been really rough to climb out of this dark space let me tell you. And as skittish as I am about dating now (since Mr. Ninja who turned out to be a colossal mistake and I had to accept "The good Captain" has his eyes set on a woman who he's likely been seeing since the time he was in LA) Mr. Grey Eyes has managed to become a consistent fixture of my life. Mr. Grey Eyes is a cool individual I connected with via a dating app. He's originally from Botswana and he's a father of two who is very successful/accomplished in his professional life. We do have nice conversations and I think he's cute as well as masculine that delightful island fashion which is VERY different from how most black men from the US behave. I guess to describe it would be a manner of masculinity almost boyish but certainly not womanly which is a trait many of the guys from here seem to adopt as "gay" behavior. I'm just not into men who act like women. No harm no foul. I understand why this occurs and I get its a part of the culture but its not entirely representative of all of our culture. But getting back to stress I realize I have to be very careful about letting a dude into my life and now might not be the ideal time to do it. But when is the ideal time? Its definitely nice having a man in your life who bothers to call you daily and who makes plans to spend vacation time with you. Its great to feel valued and...well its not hard not to wanna go back to being treated like trash when you have someone in your life who appreciates your energy. I'm dreaming frequently nowadays which means at least my mind is on the mend. Things are starting to get busy with the creative stuff. The cartoon is coming along. My comic projects are nearing the finish line and production is about to start on my new relaunch of "Sins Of Legend" as a webseries. Also I am putting in more time checking in on family because I realize the time I have with these people well its valuable and something to be treasured for all the obvious reasons. My stepmom is dealing with some illnesses and all my parents are getting on up in the years. Time is just flying by and I can't keep staying away because I've not lived up to ceratin expectations of self. You know I wanted to one day be able to provide more for all of them. Sometimes it hurts knowing I can't but it was never something they asked for. Sometimes we just put undue stress on ourselves trying to live up to an ideal we think others want of us. Sometimes we can get so caught up on what could be or some other nonsense we overlook what we do have right in front of us all the time. Sometimes a powerful sadness grips me when I think of how much time I have wasted and I wish I could go back to do some things differently. I wish I hadn't pushed some folks clear out of my life. I'm not sure if I can go back but what I do know is I have time now to work on these things. I guess all we really can do is do the best we can with what we have. Living in the now is indeed very important in life.

The last few weeks at work have been pretty crazy. After repeatedly clashing with a co-worker I lost some privileges. No laptop at the desk anymore. I gotta come right back after breaks and I gotta be careful about eating at the desk even though I never make a mess. Its crazy that I got in trouble because someone else was doing things they were not supposed to and I ended up getting punished when I ultimately had no choice but to go to the higher ups for help whenb it became a bully type situation. Just more reinforcement they don't really care and I need to focus on getting out of here. A staff member told me (when I asked her how she deals with a difficult co-worker) that this is something we all have to deal with and just keep in mind I am not going to be here forever. Some other folks are but NOT me. Still I am looking at possibly going to work for another security company sooner than later because I miss having the freedom to work on creative projects at work.

-To Be Continued-