Confessions of a sad superhero book 79

Listening to the "Loose Ends" R&B station on Pandora. 

The last few weeks have been interesting to say the least. First off I wanted to make an effort not to come here all the time when there was bad news or I was upset about something. I dunno. It seems thats how it is most of the time so I waited until I felt a bit more balanced. Been dreaming alot lately too. Not that i'm complaining. The last dream however was much like an action suspense horror thingie. I was in a gas station and it was being held up. The whole thing played out all the way to the end with the main antagonist getting shot in the groin by a sheriff who responded to calls for help from a young boy who was being attacked. I kid you not. This was one of the most realistic dreams I have ever had. I wish i could wake up and the last two years were all a horror suspense thriller. Anyway I am in the process of editing the botched Nerds With Badges episode fragments. I think I can piece together something serviceable but the files are sooo big and since they have done something to the internet here (due to the kids hacking shit and almost getting the center sued) its taking forever. as it is I can't get online to play Mario Kart matches online and Vampire The Masquerade Bloodhunt refuses to even load the title screen. So there is no way to play offline apparently without an internet connection. I suspect some sort of firewall has been put up now. This happened right when I came back from my Halloween Florida trip to see Mommy and them.

I didn't do anything over the Thanksgiving holiday. Just rested and played games. Watched movies. Some folks wanted to hang out but I wasn't really in the mood. Seems I barely have time for myself. Real time to just relax and enjoy the fruits of my labor. You know? Captain Liberia called but I have not bothered to respond. Theres this weird instinct that keeps telling me to stay away. Telling me not to waste anymore time on a raggamuffin who really ain't as into me as he'd have me believe at times. Its like he will let time go by and before it gets too long he will return to sink his hooks back in my brain matter. Thats what it feels like. Its like that song by the Supremes. You don't really love me you just keep me hanging on. I am working hard to get bro out of my system and this other guy from work seems into me but he's not really my type. I maybe could give him a friendship but I need to be tactful in letting him know I can't go there. I did say I was taking a break from dating and it just feels right right now. 

I did buy a few things for Black Friday. Got some crazy deals on a few games. Actually got up off my butt and went down to Gamestop to get the new Digimon game which was mad cheap for Black Friday. I actually did all my laundry and cleaned up a bit in my place. Its starting to look...well its starting to look almost like a place I would have someone stop thru for a visit. Almost. That old depression can really do a number on you. I think its safe to say I have bounced back from a very dark place. When you have enough time to yourself I think the mind can get a chance to heal itself from all the BS. BS from other people mostly I think. Speaking of BS I had a sparkling water stolen from the fridge at work just before we went on our four day break. I have two suspects really. I can't prove anything of course because people are sneaky as hell but mostly I am inclined to think it was a certain security guard I work with on certain days. I saw this person go in the kitchen and heard them rambling around in the fridge. When I asked them if they saw my drink they denied it but...whatever. The other suspect might be a person who was mad at me because I said something when they jumped up to go thru pastries left for the security dept after a guard said they were for us in front of them. I was like those are for the security guards. They were PISSED because they brought it up alot after and acted incredibly offended but I was like what do you think would happen if someone brought out food for your dept and I ran over like "OOOH let me see! Mine MINE MINE! SHARE!" So like I said two suspects. Was I wrong to check said individual? Whatever the case the end result is I know not to trust any of these bozos around here. Stealing from your co-workers or trying to be petty creates an unsafe environment especially when it can pit folks against each other. I keep expecting people to be noble and just I swear.

Irene Cara died over the holiday. She was a phenomenal artist and contributed greatly to my early teen years. She was only 63. Lady had/has an amazing voice. Very distinctive style too. Like a Mariah and Chante mix only without all those crazy high notes. Flashdance and Fame are two things I can't even imagine having grown up without.

Comic Con is this weekend. I might go with Sir Nathan of Palisades. (I always change Nathan's name to "Sir Nathan" of something. Its a running joke between us I suppose) I was considering doing another Nerds episode this weekend and somehow incorporating a Comic Con trek into it. Might have to film it myself though. No need to pay someone a small fortune to do something you can do yourself right? Its funny that more and more I am learning some of the things I have hired others to do for me I definitely could have done waaay better. It just takes time and practice...

Confessions of a sad superhero book 78

 Everywhere I have ever worked there is always at least one person who plays the role of arch nemesis for me. I guess every good superhero needs some good villains and my story definitely has more than a few. Honestly you can just mind your business, stay to yourself and people will still come for you. I have a situation at work with a maintenance supervisor who reported me to my bosses because he saw my computer that I leave at a table up in a room on the second floor. He claims my computer equipment makes it problematic for his workers to clean the area. Now I myself actually clean the area everyday before I use it because folks leave ood in the room often and the table is usuallly covered with grimey sticky finger prints and I don't wanna put my stuff on it because only God knows where the hands of those prints have been. I swear some folks are just so NASTY but anyway I'm wondering if this is something personal. Of course even if it is I can't prove anything and I really hope this isn't a racial thing. Dude seemed kinda okay even though I gotta admit I did get a weird vibe from him from the get go. Ever since I asked him if he had to wait long to get inside the parking gate (since another maintenance worker told me he asked her if she had to wait at times to get in the parking gate). I try tolet people understand our situation with the gate. Sometimes we have to leave the desk. Sometimes we have to use the restroom. Sometimes it might take a minute for us to see a person is waiting out of all the other monitors on that screen we look at. It would make more sense if folks could simply buzz themselves in via a card instead of just sitting there waiting for us to see them or calling us. Much of the time folks have tinted windows and they do just sit there waiting instead of calling and it can be a big risk letting folks in when we don't even know who it is. Some of the kids that live here are free to come and go as they please and we don't even know who they are when they sit there with the windows down. I had issues with another maintenance supervisor who took photos of my roku I used to have hooked up in the other building so I could listen to music and for people to watch movies on breaks. It just seems crazy that sometimes people will go out of their way to be assholes or power trip over small things overlooking the fact (we) security are constantly being put in potentially dangerous situations and are having to deal with so many other issues... I come to work and try to do my job to the best of my ability. So now YOU wanna come for the very thing that helps keep me centered in this place so yeah of course its gonna feel personal. I try my best to avoid certain types of people because they are trouble but every now and then I stumble into weirdos, people with hidden agendas or certain character defects that would under close scrutiny certify them as bullies. Then there's the occasional person with mental issues and I realize I can't exactly blame them for what they do just as I can't be all mad at a potential druggie or alcoholic since chemicals are running the show. But its frustrating as hell when you deal with someone who is evil yet sneaky enough to hide it and get away scott free most of the time because of circumstance or positions of power. I don't wanna make this about race but it has become abundantly clear due to secretly recorded conversations not all people of color are in unity. Its not always easy to identify racism but I wonder. I guess at this point I need to have a talk with my bosses about this situation because I just don't need anymore BS in my life right now. Especially since my creative energies regarding writing and filmmaking have experienced a recent re-surge. What I'm trying to say is that I have been feeling alot of inspiration lately. Been dreaming more too so this usually is indicative of renewed creativity. I can put that into my work so distractions need to go. It is my intent to work here a few more months and then just take a break from the 9-5 while putting more focus on creative outlets. Security has been good to me and I thank God for being able to put food on my table yet its needless to say there comes a time when you really need to move on in order to grow and that day is...well I can feel its very near. Tired of being in these environments and situations that threaten to tear me down and the weight of stress and toxicity along with having to deal with difficult folks drain so much from me there isn't nearly enough left for me to put into other things. Its just something that needs further thought. I think I'm just tired of eating BS and its taking a toll on me spiritually. Just add me to the long list of Americans who need to take a VERY long vacation.

On a side note someone who has hinted they'd like to take in a movie (Black Panther) gave me his phone number. So at least today wasn't a complete bummer. Of course I have to remember I have said I wasn't gonna be putting any energy into dating because I don't feel ready for it. I don't even like going to the movies with other people. Perhaps I'm putting too much thought into this? (Shrugs shoulders and shuts down laptop)