(Rant)

Had some more craziness happen at work this morning. and I'm really starting to wonder just how much longer I can keep doing this.  It all started when the other security guard I worked with "Owen" took his first break. Well actually it was a foreshadowing kinda thing I suppose. I let in a couple of kids and one of them just happened to be this kinda short sorta chubby sexually androgynous guy who gave me trouble last week because I wanted to make sure he was on the list before letting him in. His exact words were I don't have time for this. Not tonight.  This morning when I let him in he just kinda stopped in front of me then walked past. He didn't enter the building. Only the area they are allowed to smoke in. Another kid told me dude was dealing with some mental stuff and he was gonna look after him. 

My edited incident Report on what happened.....

Security officer Owen took his lunch break. I was watching his side and I went to investigate the noise I kept hearing upstairs. He'd mentioned in passing that a client (you know who) who came in earlier was screaming,yelling and throwing things around. The time was roughly around 2am and when I went upstairs the client approached me and I noticed they were foaming at the mouth. He started to finger one of the zippers on my jacket and I backed away warning him not to touch. At that point he walked over and laughing loudly said "What if was to do THIS?!?" Then he pulled the fire alarm. I silenced the "Bamp" alarm but had trouble finding the right larger key for the beeping alarm. The alarm company called. I told them everything was fine but they were not able to stop the fire dept from coming out. I called my boss. We were able to find the right key to reset the small red fire box and my boss asked me to make sure I take a photo of the key so she could make sure its on every key bundle from now on. The police came for the client but since I was dealing with the alarms I didn't witness it. 

So obviously I survived but this was one of the worst things I have had happen and I just recently got in trouble because someone went behind the tv in the lunch room to take photos of my Roku so that I'd get in trouble. Then just like a month ago one of the kids somehow got inside an office where he preceded to try on the owners clothes. Its just been a weird season of luck for me or maybe the gods are trying to tell me something.

My heart was really pounding today when all the insanity was going on. Also for some reason the fire fighters made me nervous. It was embarrassing not knowing which key turned off the stairwell alarm which must have gone on for at least 15 minutes. It was the longest 15 minutes let me tell you. Am I being too hard on myself? Everyone makes mistakes right? Still I should know at this post not to let my guard down or get too comfortable. Many of the kids upstairs have all kinds of mental issues so going in everyday you never really know what you're gonna get. Some guards have been hit. I have had so many crazy things happen yet it makes me wonder if security should be handling these situations without some kind of mental health training. 

Over the last couple of years I have noticed that when stressful events arise at times my heart starts to beat at an irregular pace. Sometimes I wake up in a sorta panic mode. Sometimes certain noises seem to activate it and I have to just ride it out until my nerves calm back down. Much of this shit comes from the stress I endured over the years dealing with the worst next door neighbors I never would have imagined. Could be I'm getting to that point where for the sake of my nerves and safety its time to get the hell out of dodge. I like my job. Some of my co-workers have fantastic relationships with me. The pay is cool too and I have hella great benefits, plus I get to do plenty of writing in relative peace yet when stuff happens its usually pretty epic in scale. I just keep feeling I don't wanna work with troubled kids anymore and I long to be my own boss in better control over my life/health. I even spoke with a union rep about maybe changing my location. Gotta figure something out sooner than later.

I've a little time off next week. Gonna fly out to Oakland and visit a buddy. Maybe go to an amusement park or something too. Gonna try to relax, do some writing,save some money whilst figuring out a plan. Need to start enjoying life more and worrying less. Time to create that definitive work of art that sums up everything I'm going through in such a way it touches the world,changes the world and saves my world.