(To State of Jazz on Spotify streaming from my PS4 phat)

Life Betwixt The Dead and The Living

I saw a dead man this morning
when I got off work.
I knew
something weird was gonna happen
because I left work late
because I had to stop
at our other location
just to get my samsung tablet
lucky for my co-worker
since she just happened to need to borrow
one of my chargers for her phone(!)
then I got stopped
by Bob
my friend
who also works in security
just down the street.

As I walked to the station
the cops at chick filet
they checked me out
as I walked by
(yeah I know I look like
"somebody")
Whoever the hell that is
I still do not know
even after
all these years.
Maybe one day someone will tell me?
A white guy gave me a nasty look
when I nodded a simple greeting passing him
A man sweeping the street
in front of Mels
(which usually lights up in cool rainbow colors when I walk by)
gave me a peculiar glance
upon my passing
Then
At the light I got a suspicious glance from an old white lady
she moved to make some distance
I turned around on purpose
so she could see my security jacket
because sometimes that makes people
feel more at ease
because
well you know
I guess I look like
somebody threatening
whoever he is.

On my way down
the escalator
a black lady
basically sped up so I couldn't pass her
then she stopped
after the turnstile
to make sure I could get in front of her
(sometimes people are so confusing)

I get  on the train
took my vita out my back pocket
so I wouldn't sit on it
I'm reading Thor
on my tablet
a pretty black lady sits down across from me
her perfume smelled nice
I could feel her eyes on me much of the time
and I guess maybe its because
she doesn't see many brothas
on the train
reading comic books on their tablets?

I get up
put my vita back in my pocket
And
I get off the train
deftly putting on my back pack
then I took the escalator
since the elevator was packed.

A cute
bald headed
brotha passed me
He said excuse me
which kinda pleasantly surprised me
because
people rarely say
"excuse me"
anymore.

When I get to the second level
where that escalator ends
decided to walk up the damn stairs next
instead of getting on the crowded escalator.
I see as I look up
police standing around
and theres something there
I actually stumbled a bit
not because of what  I saw
I just wasn't really paying attention
where the stairs were
but as I got closer
there was a white man lying there
mid-30's
mouth sorta open
yet not really
while the police looked on
and his eyes were closed
he wasn't breathing
and mostly
folks were just
walking by.
One cop noticed my semi stumble
His eyes fixed on me
I supposed he thought maybe
is this guy gonna pass out or something?
No this guy has seen bodies before
and he doesn't scare easy.
Although its probably safe to say he does have
bad nerves.

As I walked on
I noticed another
cute black guy on the escalator
he was almost as dark as they come.
Tall
Maybe a bit older than me
but still kinda cute
I guess.

I exited the station
thinking
how surreal it was
what I'd just witnessed.
One man was dead
folks were walking by
as if it were nothing
and for a moment
thoughts of
if that were me
(that type of thing)
went thru my head.
People just walk by
they don't really care
its just
another day in the life.
One black lady seemed
somewhat weirded out though
she seemed to be covering her mouth
while her and a white lady
possibly a co-worker of heres
walked by the guy on the ground.

I passed by a brotha
nodded a greeting
he ignored me.
Everytime it happens
I swear I'm never gonna say hello
to anyone unless they speak to me first.
It does still boggle the mind
how mean folks can be
and the fact many people
they just don't have any manners.
Yeah it does make me worry
especially when its youngins
because one day
they gonna be runnin this shit.

I walked to the corner
a fire truck roared past
almost had to cover my ears.
Where was the ambulance?
Guess they were it
figured the guy on the concrete covered ground
well
he had a chance if they could revive him
If.

Walked on
got to the little security shack I pass on
westmoreland
the guard wasn't there
noticed him crossing the street
he got into a converstaion
with a black lady walking ahead of me
it was about the guy on the ground
as I walked by I told them
he's gone
described the guy after the guard asked who was it
then I said
unless they can revive him.

Walked on more
A black girl
wearing headphones
passed me
gave me a sort of
snaughty eye roll gesture of ignoring me
when I said hello
kept on going
like I didn't exist
I said "typical"
loud enough she probably heard me
then when passing an asian guy
sweeping the street near the temple
I said nothing
because before when I've greeted them
they simply don't respond
and I don't wanna waste energy on
the negative.

Crossed the street on vermont
and a really cute looking brotha
he said hello
making a nice gesture as I reponded
and when I got to my street
feet from my building
a cool loking
kinda cute brotha
smiled and said hello to me
with the jubilation you'd expect
if i was the first person he'd seen in
a hundred years.
For some reason I am glad
the last memory I have of
contact with a human being
was a good one
before I drift off to sleep
after eating some
banana split flavored icecream.

*
This Trinidadian man
he said
he was my husband
and his eyes
made me feel
nasty in ways
no one else has
in a good while.
Trinidad could be
pushing Africa out of the picture.
Could be.
(And its funny
my mother married a Trinidad man)
He asked me
if he could see
because
he showed me something
shocking
even as it was pleasing.

Really think dude likes me

Me?
He's sexy
but
guess he always seemed
so independent
so beyond
me
because he seemed
almost as if
he cared not
whether he was single or whatever

Yet
perhaps I misread him?

Told me
he din't love those hos
so many hos
and he wasn't even interested.
Sometimes I think
hos have become the norm
and those of us still believing beyong ho-ism
well we're dinosaurs.

He asked if I'd move with him
in his house
said he wanted a family.
He keeps saying
all the right things.
Told him
about
some of these insecurities
he said just stop it
put me on the spot.
It truly has been
so long since someone
agressively courted me
its something I don't even know
how to respond to
cuz it feels unreal.
You know?

It makes such a big difference
to know
to hear
that someone
somewhere
wants you.
Is willing to take
a risk on you.

So used to
being overlooked
passed over
I don't even know what its like really
to feel "sexy"
I don't.
I know I'm not ugly
even though I've certainly heard that one.
Its something to get
that affirmation from others
that
you are actually nice to look at
and maybe your company
it isn't so bad.

To hear someone
express
genuine interest
genuine acceptance
its some of the best medicine for a sick man.