An Experience....

Part 2.

My Stepfather Eddie arrived at the airport about 30 minutes after I got my luggage out of the baggage claim. Its only just recently that I started bringing a bigger bag and checking it in. I think I was traumatized by Greyhound temporarily losing my luggage years ago. Usually I just bring a dufflebag for my clothes and a big backpack for all my electronic gadgets. So much of the time the planes don't have the space to allow big carry ons so you end up checking it in anyway plus I can fit more clothes in a larger check in bag. Better to have more than enough clothes than not enough I have learned. The gadgets I mentioned consist of my portable dvd player (for watching redbox/netflix movies on the plane) and the PS3,Xbox360 or whichever console I've decided to bring along with me. Sometimes I bring the DS lite. I always bring the PSP but I keep that in my pocket most of the time. GOD knows they come in handy because most of the time when I'm on trips and I happen to turn the tv on in hotels to check out the cable channels its mostly stuff that doesn't interest me. Some of the hotels I have stayed in make it REALLY difficult to unhook their boxes from the tvs. Mostly all thats on is crap and they end up forcing you to utilize the pay per view services they offer. Sneaky bastards.

Eddie was glad to see me. I was actually in Orlando a month ago for my little brothers high school graduation so in a way it felt like I never left. I really love my brother but honestly I don't know him. I blame myself because I have been mostly absent from his life. Seems it was only yesterday Joshuazilla was a cute little boy crying when it was time for me to leave. He's still cute but man did he grow up. Dude is taller than I am now. He'd opted out of coming home for the funeral. When I got to speak with him on the phone he told me that since he'd just gotten checked in for school and there was so much going on he didn't want to be down in the dumps. I can't blame him really. Funerals are definitely as serious as it gets. I think in my whole life I've only been to about four or five. My uncle George. He had the military funeral with rifles going off and they gave Granny a flag.  Leroy. He killed himself and I recall the man in the coffin looked nothing like the incredibly handsome Leroy I knew. Leroys spirit was with me a good while after he died. Used to keep me awake at night because I could feel him there. But he was such a great guy. Even though he wasn't exactly a fan of gays he still treated me like a friend. It was he who stepped in as peacemaker when his homophobic brother was really going out of his way to let me know how much my kind igged him by just being. My Great Granny Katie Bell. Seems I recall Granny didn't want to get out of the car when we were at Katies funeral. Its amazing to me I can still remember some of these things yet I leave my house keys in the shuttle that dropped me off at the airport???

I think I ate some leftovers for breakfast when I got back to the house. Spoke with Mommy and Eddie for awhile. Played with Fatishas cute doggie then I went to sleep in Joshuazilla's room.  As usual I got awakened by my stepsister Beverly "Miss Big Nose" and her small army of youngins. Curtis jr,Carly,Kymera and Cynthia. Bev lost her husband Curtis earlier this year. I actually got the phone call that Curtis passed just as I was about to go film an episode of SonsofLegend. Curtis was a very cool guy. I connected with him immediately because he shares my love of comics,sci-fi and videogames. My other sister from Eddie (Fatisha) has a cool hubby but he and I will probably never connect. I have tried to be friendly but I suspect the gay thing is a bit too much for dude. Its a bit much for me at times too....

Miss Big Nose has always been closer to me than any of my flesh and blood sisters. Proof you can have strong family bonds that trump blood connections. Bev has some really cool kids too.  All VERY smart. Curtis part 2 is in so many ways like a little brother to me. We have many of the same interests. Well outside of sports and girls. He sat up late playing videogames with me a few times but he couldn't hang. Few people can. Staying awake all night is a super power not given to most. Curtis and his sisters had a very intellectual father. They all speak and read very well plus they actually play videogames which means they have excellent hand and eye coordination. They have Bev's Trinidadian strength, patience,wisdom and that old soul type of vibe goin on. I can see they all will be extremely successful in life. Once again they ended up taking me shopping because Fatisha laid the law down that I must have better shoes to wear to Granny's funeral. Fatisha has always been super detail oriented. She got that from Mommy. Fatisha's super power is her fashion sense. I think its safe to say that I am one of the few gay men who didn't get the superpower fashion gene. I have my own style but I never get bent out of shape over ironing or name brands. I like jeans and t-shirts,Nike and Adidas, but I can take or leave a designer brand. If I like it I'll wear it. End of story. One of my friends "The Chris" told me hours ago as he was whipping my butt at Ultimate Marvel vs Capcom 3 on the Xbox360 that he thinks gay men are so into fashion and their bodies being so important because society is always telling us something is wrong with us so we feel everything has to be perfect. It kinda makes sense I guess. Honestly I look at alot of these guys and I feel that until my life is perfect they will never even notice me. You gotta have the perfect body. The perfect job. A car. Perfect fashion sense. Otherwise you won't fit in. I can't understand when this shit became so widespread among gay men. I'm just so glad I met someone who is actually able to look at my heart,my soul,imperfections and all without ignoring the things I CAN bring to the table. I expect my lifestyle to change pretty soon. It'll be nice having someone to share it with. Someone who was with me when I had nothing. When you have it going on its always easy to find "friends", lovers,people who want forgiveness or long lost family members suddenly wanting to be a part of your circle. Its important to be able to recognize people and what they are about pretty quickly so you won't get taken advantage of. Unless thats what you want. (Smiles/giggles)

I got my shoes. Even got some black socks. We went to this store near a Ross which would have been the next stop if I couldn't find what I needed. The shoes were about $24.00 and the socks about $5.00. After that Eddie treated us all to some smoothies from MCDonalds. I could use one right now because it is soooo hot. Orlando was just the right temp as far as I'm concerned. It was right around that time I think I started hearing about this impending "ISSAC" storm which aside from some rain thankfully passed Orlando. Louisiana was not so lucky though. From the news reports I watched on tv earlier it looked like Katrina all over again. I imagine we are gonna have alot of displaced people coming to Cali and Texas again. It would be cool to room with someone nice who relocates here to start over again. I'm thinking of getting a roommate again so I can move into a bigger apt but thats a whole nother story. Almost forgot to mention a 73 year old cousin drove down from NC to pay his respects. We didn't really do anything together though other than watch tv. I have some friends in FLA I thought I would be able to hang out or check out a movie with at some point but my main contact was dealing with his own family related stuff so later during my visit me and some Family went to see Sparkle. Whitney and Jordin were great. It was a nice little distraction however the original film is still the best.

The night before the funeral Eddie steamed my black shirt and I had a radio show interview with a friend I met at the local GOLDEN APPLE comic book shop while picking up the latest from "Thunderbolts AKA:Dark Avengers" and "WonderWoman". Sike gave me a chance to talk about/promote my work as an indie filmmaker. That and my growing frustration over the lack of people of color in comics,videogames,cartoons and the types of films I support. We must have talked for about 20 minutes. Maybe 30. It was good to have a forum like that and I spoke of some others who came before me that thought as I did. The creators of Milestone comics most prominently because there was never anything like Milestone before and well there might not be anything else like it again. I plan to create a killer franchise featuring heroes of color yet I can see I have my work cut out for me as I refine my concepts. What I wish for is that more African Americans got or supported science fiction. I know for a fact comic books helped to strengthen my vocabulary also science fiction and fantasy type material does often contain alot of heart but folks just look at it from the outside. They see the flashy special effects and action then its automatically labeled as something for kids or something not to be taken seriously. Okay I'm coming down off of my soapbox. For now.

The day of the funeral started just like any other. I got up. Showered,brushed the teeth and dressed. Ate. I guess I didn't really give much thought to what would happen once we got to the service. It still felt very surreal and dreamlike to me. It still felt like Granny would come out of her room and we could talk to her or hug her just like we always did. She was such a permanent fixture in all our lives. I think we all took it for granted she would always be here. You know? I hadn't even realized that the three men who came into the living room were from the funeral home. One was very VERY handsome. Tall. Dark and bald headed with a mustache and goatee. He gave me a sympathetic smile. He likely sees this type of thing on an almost daily basis. We all shook hands. There might have been some introductions but its vague. One of the men who may have been the dad said they were driving us to the service and he said a prayer before we all headed out to the black limos. I rode with my mother,Fatisha,Eddie and my cousin. The Dad of the other two drivers was our driver. The ride was a pleasant one. It was one of those nice, quiet,calm drives you kinda wish won't end. During the ride we talked and there was some humor in the mix. I didn't really have much to say. Just looked out the window. The finality of it all seemed to be sinking in. Granny was gone and we were going to lay her to rest. It was real. Not a dream. All the what ifs and possible lawsuits in the world are not gonna bring her back again. She was gone and we had to get through this.  The limo arrived at the funeral home after what felt like about 30 minutes of driving. I remember feeling like this as a child....hoping the ride wouldn't end when I'd get up in the morning to ride to work with Granny. I felt the same way on the schoolbus ride to school. We all got out of the limos and there were some people greeting Mommy and Fatisha too I think. Co-workers or family members who came to pay their respects. I overheard things like "be strong" and "it'll get better". I walked into the church and probably held my breath for a moment as I walked in holding hands with my little niece Cynthia. One of Bevs "soldiers". I've seen bodies before but when its personal the impact just hits. And there she was. Granny lay there in purple. Peaceful and in a grand coffin the color of sunned ivory. She like Leroy didn't quite look like herself. I thought of her pain and suffering and distinctly recall thinking she didn't deserve this. To suffer all that pain. What if the doctors really did screw up? Sometimes anger overrides everything else.  I sat down in the second row. I was right behind Fatisha. Mommy was strong. Like Coretta at Martins funeral. But I know she'd done her grieving before. Most of it anyway. I put my arm around Cynthia because the poor little thing seemed in a daze. Perhaps when she's older this will all make more sense to her. The emotional part of it. Her mother who sat next to her could not contain her grief. She was in tears probably from the moment she entered the church. At one part Bev cried out and had to leave for a moment. Bev we all knew was crying for two people. Then it was my turn to cry. The tears came and then came the sobs. Curtis turned around to look at me. This was a side to uncle Serg few have witnessed. Its these moments that remind me I can still feel. Something. At one point the handsome limo driver came over to ask me if I needed anything. The preacher gave a lovely sermon. She was very personal which made me like her. Nothing seemed  pretentious or rehearsed. And Carly who'd been rehearsing the night before read the LONG poem I'd written HERE just a week ago. Fatisha had decided to use it in the program and it was a fitting tribute. Carly shed a few tears near the end yet she held it together. These kids have been thru so much this past year. I felt like getting up when they gave us a chance to say our final goodbyes. I had actually wanted to touch Granny in the coffin but I had not. Still I could take some comfort knowing I'd hugged her just a month ago. I felt her warm in my arms. Felt that love of generations pass thru me and I'd keep it with me for all time. They closed the coffin and then we all got up to give Granny that one last final ride to glory. I was so glad knowing in her final living moments Bev had been there. She saw Granny's head go back. Her eyes closed and the breathing slowed to paradise. To peace at last. What greater gift can a child give than to be there to offer the passing generation comfort in those final moments into peacefulness? The drive to the cemetery didn't seem as long as the drive to the funeral home. We had a nice female driver this time. She and mom talked like they'd been best friends forever. Its funny how women can do that. It was really hot when we got out and the sun was beating down. No time was wasted. Of course another funeral was about to happen right after ours. But I get the idea THAT sun put some speed in the service because it was no joke. I was asked by the limo dad if I would mind being a pallbearer. So I said yes. Man was that coffin HEAVY! They buried Granny in a tank. A pretty one. I don't know why my mind went there but I was worrying the coffin would fall when we put it on these green straps holding it over the hole that was dug. So words were said and we quickly filed out of there. All except me and Auntie one of Eddies relatives. I walked back to get a few flowers off the coffin then we stood and watched them lower the coffin into the ground. One great adventure ended right there in front of us. Granny's grand adventure of life was over at last.