A MAN NAMED PAT

Well you came into my life
even though you didn't stay
longer than five minutes
you certainly left quite the impression.
Don't know if
I scared you away
being all eager and shit.
Yeah I was excited
wanted to make YOU the leading man
but never should have told you
about my attraction
fool that I was.
What was it about you
that made you so
attractive anyway?
Yeah you are cute
had a decent body
and I felt really cozy around you man
so perhaps that just threw a brotha for a loop.
You think
just because you find someone you have alot in common with who is sexy
it would be just like
add water and mix.
My truth has been
most of the black nerds don't really like
other black nerds
or black guys period.
I keep feeling like
you had some secret
and thats why you ran off
stood me up
avoided my phone calls.
I'm an idiot for being attracted to idiots.
Maybe you were protecting me from something?
Maybe you have someone at home
or you're positive and afraid I'll reject you
or perhaps you were born a woman.
All I can do is speculate
why the last man I wanted to be with
could clearly see
my flaws
my closed heart
yet he couldn't see anything in me worth being friends with.
Because after meeting you
I think something in me might have died.
Something switched off
and I
I am having a hard time not believing
my time for love and relationships has ended
in this life.

It bothers me alittle
that a part of me
a big part of me
just doesn't care anymore.

I feel like I am becoming
someone else
losing a part of me
in order to survive in this world.

You reminded me
I guess
that it is all a tradeoff.

Some of us with power
born to achieve greatness
can never know this kind of love
we see in the movies and read about.

Its a sobering reality for some.

My movie has no love interest then.

A man named Pat
came along
and he was a catalyst of a sort.
Had to come out of this fairy tale image
of life.

Like Prince said
"The Beautiful Ones always smash the picture. Always every time"

Irony is
they usually don't even remember us
have no idea the impression they left
shows how of little importance we are to them.

I'm running from the memory of this man until the day it fades completely.