(To Frankie Beverly Anthology and EWF via Amazon music)
I got a call from my sister Monday. Fatisha. She left a message to let me know she had accidentally called her son by my name and just wanted to call to let me know I was on her mind and to check on me. I was just in the middle of texting to let her know all was well when she called again in response I'm sure to my dropped call as I meant only to text her and not have a phone conversation. Whats wrong with me that keep such a distance from family? I guess I keep a distance from everyone these days. Its always I'll get back in touch or go back around everyone when I'm like rich and famous or something. Theres this feeling of not quite measuring up and wanting to have everything perfect when I decide to show up. Meanwhile everyone is getting older or drifting away. My non-relationship with Joshua should be a perfect lesson to me not to keep myself distant as its a double edged sword. Yes you have certain benefits be staying distant yet you are burning the forest down to save the trees which really makes no sense. Fatisha and I have a psychic thing. I am not sure if she even remembers that time in a supermarket when I looked over in her direction to get her attention then she turned to look directly at me. I can't say that anything is particularly wrong in my life tight now. I mean to say there are definitely things I am worried about but nothing Earth shattering going on at the moment. I gotta get some work done on my teeth and thats always something in my head because of how costly it is for implants. I have really been obsessing with getting my comics done and trying to not be broke in the process. The last few months were kinda crazy because I over extended myself financially and this paycheck here was..well its the first in a while I wasn't in the red. Or is it the black? I was late like a week with rent last month. Two days late this month but next month I will be caught up and I do plan to start paying my rents well in advance for that inevitable day I decide I'm ready to quit here. They do say always put aside alittle something for a rainy day and its true. Sometimes it helps to have two accounts also. One for fun and the other for serious stuff. I actually have several. Not much in either. I always make sure to hold on to a bit of money from my tax return. Then theres my BOA which is for the serious things and a Chase account thats supposed to be for fun yet I keep having to dip into it for you know survival. I have been also accruing a little cash from investments. Nothing to write home about but its nice to know I have money that will keep increasing as long as I keep working and cents just keep trickling into it over time. The things I am interested in are tech and medicine as these fields will always be in demand. I am especially interested in the development of prosthetics (Of course I have The Six Million Dollar Man and Bionic Woman shows to thank for that interest!) Like I said its not alot and I'm being modest yet with more discipline I think I'm gonna be okay. The only problem I am working on is well I have got to start stopping on buying anything thats not a neccesity. Not gonna lie...sometimes it eases stress buying things I like. Sometimes it eases stress getting satisfaction of seeing a project done yet if I'm nearly broke much of the time how is that really healthy for my nerves? My hobbies are comic books and video games. Also I like to travel every now and then. Also I like to eat. Something I may have over indulged in over the last few years as evidenced by the pot belly. Its just that I seem to go back to the words of Eddie my stepdad who says you should spend your money. Enjoy it because you can't take it with you. Of course if I were rich that would be a much more realistic goal right?
I have this guy on facebook who has been liking much of what I post. He seems to have hinted he likes me in a roundabout way but I'm not sure. I dare not try to pursue anyone right now because I am still so shook from getting past dude at my job who I have not spoken with in a year. Its so weird remembering going out to lunch with this guy and then even going to amusement parks together and now we just act like we don't know each other. To this day I never found out exactly what happened between us. I have speculated reasons. Its very likely there was someone else in the picture and thats why he was so worried about me taking photos or of us being seen together at the park. Maybe I turned him off. Maybe the clutter in my place was the issue. He did offer to help but I just told him I'd work on that by myself even though its become clear I do need someone to help me with that undertaking. Perhaps it was the awkward intimate moment. All I have is well guesses really but it hurt me so much to stay away from someone I was convinced had an element of danger to them. I feel we are not compatible and yet still a year later he does cross my mind often enough to be annoying. Especially when I think back to how upset I got when I realized how stubborn this guy is when it comes to the realms of science. Yeah, he does not believe dinosaurs actually existed. I'm not kidding. Despite our differences I fell pretty hard for a guy I barely knew and everytime I think about how much pain it put me though over the past year it makes me swear I'll never put myself in a position to get hurt again by some fool who will always ultimately reject me for not living up to what they want. Love does hurt. It hurts some of us a hell of a lot more than others. In the end you survive but you're never quite the same because well you lost a part of yourself. The real crazy thing is the other person walking around and going on as if nothing ever happened. The stark reality that YOU don't matter can sting so much. But as Jill Scott said in one of her songs...everything aint for everybody. Something to that effect. But you get the idea. One really bad romantic situation can put the fear of God in you and make you say fuck all that. So yeah this me. Maybe in a few years or decades I'll feel differently but I'm not in a rush to put myself out there again.
So whats going on in the world these days? The world outside my window. Things that may or may not effect me directly. There has been a growing movement regarding digital preservation especially where games are concerned. Folks are saying the games industry may be heading towards a crash. In some ways I feel these things may lead me to get more involved in this industry I have so much passion towards. Stay tuned. Like 300 something 99 cent stores have closed recently and part of it is because of rising crime. Sometimes its rent. Perhaps thats why my favorite burrito place shut down a few years past. People in gangs running into stores and snatching stuff or just shoplifting solo is a big issue. Other businesses have had to shutter because of this. So much of the time it can be hard to find baskets to carry your items around in the grocery store since some people are stealing them. When you buy deodorant now its usually in some glass display cases you have to call a clerk to unlock for you. An entire mall in New York is losing tenants due to thievery. Speaking of New York my former home the national guard has to come watch the subways now because of robberies and crazy folks attacking or pushing people into the train tracks. I saw a video on Youtube the other day about a lady who a guy beat up and was about to be raped until a security guard heard her cries and swooped in to save her. The other night when I went to the local donut shop late as I always do some guys fake charged in my direction as I walked up the stairs simply because I'd looked over in their direction. People are literally losing their minds out here and there are times I wish I could just find me an island somewhere to live away from all this madness that seems to keep growing. There was a lady on Twitter who spoke about her daily thoughts of suicide and how she copes by finding something to look forward to even if its just one thing. I felt compelled to offer some encouragement because I know what it feels like when life makes you feel like your back is against the wall. Russia is cracking down on the LGBT community. Theres alot of hate going towards Disney for being too "woke" from folks who simply can't or won't accept diversity because they can't deal with non-white non-straight characters or women (or anyone of a marginalized group for that matter) being the stars of the shows. Its so bad some of these people will do crazy stuff like review bomb stuff or straight up hack accounts out of malice. So much energy. It takes so much just to survive in this world yet they have it to spare to come for someone else. The LGBT community has already come under fire in Uganda to the point now it is straight up illegal to be gay. Now going back to New York again there has been a steady stream of migrants coming into the city and currently theres no housing for many of these people. There has been a growing number of conflicts with residents and migrants. Even the police have been clashing with some migrant gang types and its all a big mess. I remember years ago when Whoopi Goldberg said sometimes you gotta tune out from stuff going on or it can get overwhelming. Social media and the news sometimes gets to be too much with the negativity so you have to learn how to focus on not just the negative but also the positive. I dunno man...maybe listen to some music, go take in a movie or watch a cute/funny puppy,kitten(?) video sometimes instead of that video you wanna watch of the crazy naked fool chasing people down the street with a butchers knife.
Work on the SonsofLegend film and my Nerds With Badges podcast has stalled for the moment. Meanwhile I should be getting copies of my other two comics this week. "Gerbilla" and "Gamer Granny" Its been taking so long but they just shipped from Florida (I believe) yesterday. It is my goal to have at least five comics out this year. (I'm on a number 5 kick these days) So so far its been DragonManx,Gerbilla and Gamer Granny. Sasquatch And The Mythology Sisterhood are on the way and the Sasquatch book will have a back-up Detector Pig story in it. Detector Pig is one of my most popular characters that I used to make little comics of way back when I was a wee lad. That was a real long time ago. It was my dream to make a Detector Pig comic for many moons. Next up is a novel I'm doing about a young gangbanger drug lord who is coming to terms with losing everything even as he makes contact with his Mexican heritage (He's Blatino) On top of that he discovers he has inherited some very dangerous fire powers. See you knew there had to be a supernatural element right? The cover was done this week by the way but no colors have been added yet. I'm probably gonna work on getting my John Henry comic out this year too. That was finished some years ago and is my own unique spin on that story. I wanna go to Detroits Comic Con next month to promote my book but it appears my friend over there I wanted to go hang out with has ghosted me so if I do go I'll be staying in a hotel and doing Uber/Lyft back and forth I guess. Already got the time off approved. Birthday month is fast approaching as well and I wanna do something special. Perhaps I should go see my father as its been some years. Can't just go there when bad stuff happens. Last time I visited was when my sister passed. I do always take my birthday so a trip home to NC sounds like a good idea. I am tempted to go see Captain Liberia yet I've been keeping my distance from dude because I don't wanna get my feelings hurt. I still care for bro but I have to come to terms with a friendship basis connection because he is emotionally unavailable. He is into a certain woman now. Maybe he always was. Whatever. I'm not gonna hold that against him. You can only stay mad at a person for so long before you have to just let it go like Frozen. The annual Halloween trip to Florida is coming up and I wanna do something cool like usual. Last time it was Universal Horror Nights. I think Disney might do it this time around. It would be nice if I could go with my mother and Eddie although that might be over-reaching. I am looking forward to 2025 and what progress it brings. The plan is to quit here around May so getting all my projects done by then and saving as much as possible has become my newest mission in life. Looks like its gonna soon be goodbye to some of those streaming services and no more new games for awhile...!
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