(To KCRW)

Just got back in from the supermarket. Was originally planning to go to the donut shop but when I saw the line I changed my mind after standing there for about a minute even though i was behind this really handsome bro. So I went to the supermarket and ended up buying apples,chocolate donuts,strawberry lemonade,V-8,instant coffee,frozen mini chicken tacos,potato chips,one of those little snack packs with the celery,tomatos and ranch dip plus some ginger ale. Nearly dropped everything I was carrying until a cashier brought me a basket. The baskets used to be right by the door but since people started stealing them they moved them inside now where you can't always find them. I've seen other people asking where the baskets are too so its not just me. I got watched by the security guard there. This older black guy. Kinda out of shape and generally miserable looking. I swear it gets on my nerves at times that people seem to regard me as suspicious even though I would never steal anything. I did enough stealing in my childhood that its all out of my system now. But people don't know me. I'm a light skinned virtually bald BLACK man and like Ice Cube once said "I was born suspicious looking" Gotta learn to be at peace with what I think of me while not really caring what others think of me. What do I think of me? I think I'm a good guy. A good guy with hopes and dreams who struggles at times to see the potential for good in all people because some of them have really helped fuck me up in so many ways. Sometimes its really hard not to be disgusted by people because of the stupid things they do. Sometimes I gotta remind myself none of us are perfect and even the greatest among mankind once started out as savages or morons. I suppose the savage part of me was the part that enjoyed spraying bleach on the roach I killed in my bathroom....

Right now theres a guy outside screaming. I know who it is. Its this homeless mixed black guy. He used to sit outside in front of the building. He's scream periodically at odd times usually in the morning. Sounds alot like Bugs Bunny screaming in those cartoons. I may have seen him sleeping on a mattress. He's actually cute. Kinda reminds me of a guy who used to stay with me years ago. Cute. Brown skinned poetry in motion and somewhat perfect in all his imperfections. Dude had some mental issues too. We once went to the grocery store and he started having this panic attack. Way worse than what I experience. Of course I never did any kinds of drugs. At all. From my observation whether you take drugs for recreation or for your mental issues....well if you have mental issues it'll just make them worse over time or your body will suffer over time from the side/after effects. What I don't understand is what is it about my block or the building I work in that draws such "characters" There was a guy outside my job the other night literally changing his clothes in front of the building then he started dancing. (Sigh)

Right now I'm gonna binge watch some episodes of "The Originals" on my firestick. Used to catch them on Hulu if I missed the live broadcast but CW took all their stuff off Hulu and its all on the CW feed or CW app. The problem is all the older episodes are gone from this season and I missed them when they were available. I've no idea why the CW can't keep episodes of all their shows up on their own app. I'm sure I'll be up all night again. Couldn't sleep the other night so I ended up going to sleep late in the afternoon and I woke up late. "The Bryan" came by and took me to see "Wonder Woman" a few hours ago. Me I really enjoyed the movie. There were some parts that kinda dragged but before they got to be too bad some action would kick in. You got a pretty kick ass battle at the end. Just how strong is she supposed to be anyway??? I swear they are so inconsistent with her strength level at times. And apparently the movie version doesn't fly. She didn't in the tv show or in the Batman vs Superman movie. Looks like thats the version they're sticking with. Well "The Bryan" fell asleep during the film frequently. But thats him. He falls asleep on the phone with me all the time. He's an old man. Heh. We kinda got into an argument on the way to the movie because he wanted to park all the way across the street from the Grove and I was telling dude he could just get his movie ticket validated and it would be free parking. As great a guy as "The Bryan" is I told him if I ever got to meet his girlfriend I want to shake her hand because she would have to be a VERY strong woman to deal with his ultra aggressive masculine personality. He said she never sees that side of him. So why do I have to? I told him he would probably be the type to make you wanna chase him down the street with a butchers knife. He said he would be like "Come ON! Bring it on!" Thats because he's crazy. But I owe him alot. More than I can probably ever repay. So thats why I call him "The nice monster" Whenever you see "The Nice Monster Productions" in the end credits of my films thats him.

Speaking of my films. Right now the hunt continues to bring in someone to help  get things in order because the whole production for Daughters of Legend feels so chaotic and insane that I actually considered quitting a few times. I've never thought about dropping a project before. So the plan is to bring in someone to to basically take over the production side of things while I kinda step back from the project before I completely lose my mind. There was a person doing that for me before but he pretty much rage quit on me when things got tough. Yeah it does get crazy and I can understand where he was coming from now because I feel like I'm trying to climb up one of those hills in the new Zelda game but you can't really get  anywhere because its raining and thats making you slip down since you keep losing your grip. I have a few people who are candidates and its gonna cost to bring them on yet if it'll help save this film its an expense we can't (I can't) afford to NOT afford. We are set to go back into production next month. Right now the thing is just building the crew,creating storyboards,saving money and paying back those I OWE YOUs. We gotta lock down the locations as well. In a perfect world time could stop for six months then we could go back into production again. Because GOD knows how much we could do with six months worth of moolah. Thats the reason I wanted to launch more crowdfunding campaigns. Other campaigns in the past have failed but theres a secret weapon I've not really utilized to help me raise moolah for my projects. That secret weapon is the LGBT community and quite possibly powerful people within the black nerd community who are involved in the film industry. What I need is a lightning rod to draw people into wanting to support my vision. Right now Louiezilla is working on a trailer for Daughters of Legend then I wanted to have him do something for DragonManx. Could be we need to do a kick ass episode too to really showcase what we can do and could potentially do if we had a bigger budget.



A PECULIAR DREAM

In the dream that came after some self pleasure
you and I seemed to be
out on the town
I think it was
somewhere in Detroit
my future home I hope
and in the dream
we went to a gathering
a dinner party maybe
you seemed entertained
when I clapped along with the music
then we were in a room
I guess it was a bedroom because
we ended up in the bed when
out of the blue
all of a sudden
you just leaned forward to kiss me
took me by surprise
but everything after that
just felt
normal
like it was all unfolding
naturally
then I held on to you
held on to
the dark
strong hardness of your perfect
somewhat hairy(?)
form.
Then I saw there was no way
your other hardness would enter
me
not just because it was big
but it was
somewhat soft as well.
I made a joke about
having known it was
large but not really having any idea
it was THIS BIG.
It was right around that time I woke up
mostly relieved for some reason
it had all indeed been
merely a dream.