The weekend came and went. It went by so fast. Actually time seems to have sped up these days. They say its like that when you get older. We are still trying to process the shooting that just happened I think. The streets seem colder and lonelier now. Somewhat foreboding. The guard I relieved said the previous shift was crazy because everyone is on edge. People are sad but people are mostly keeping it in even though you can see they're sad. I was thinking about going to the candlelight vigil they had at In the Meantime which is a black gay get together type of group. I used to go to In the Meantime but I stopped going partly because I didn't fit in and because of the location. The time the group was held meant I'd have to jump on the bus after an hour then head straight to work. I got a text from the group about a candlelight vigil being held. Considered going but I would have had to take an Uber or Lyft. Had to do some work on a script and that took longer than it should have because of my slow ass computer. Ended up having to catch a Lyft to work at the last minute. One of my associates said he wasn't going to any vigils. He's of the mind its just better/safer to stay home. Especially now the way things are. Crowded places with a lot of people could be trouble. Yesterday after I got home I saw on the news I'd narrowly avoided an incident at Hollywood and Highland which is where I catch the train at every morning after work. Police were on the site looking around because of some suspicious looking liquid they found. This type of thing seems to occur every so often but I think someone could be doing this stuff and testing to see what happens. They might even be taking notes you know? The guy who shot up the club Sunday morning in Orlando Florida (according to what I read on yahoo news) actually went to the gay club about a dozen times. He'd go there and have some drinks. He spoke to people and acted out sometimes after drinking. He was obviously casing the place. Probably building up his nerve for what He'd planned. And its creepy to know he used sites like Grindr or Adam4Adam. I have used Adam4Adam many times over the years and met some decent people here and there but there are some really bad elements of gay society on that site. Like I said there are some nice folks sprinkled here and there but there are so many fake profiles. People from other countries asking for money. People asking you to "be generous" with them if you wanna get with them (which is kinda like being a prostitute in my opinion) Then theres the nasty ass and dick photos people have in their profiles. Often even as the profile photo. That's just nasty and so many gay men act like theres absolutely nothing wrong with showing off photos like that even if its not their own privates in the pic.

So the guy was possibly struggling with his sexuality and maybe he just couldn't deal with it. And he snapped partially due to it. Sometimes when people hate gays so much its because they are secretly experiencing these feelings themselves. I remember how uncomfortable I was when dealing with my gayness initially but I educated myself and came to terms with it over time. So I dealt with my coming out logically. There is no logic whatsoever in taking a gun and mowing down a bunch of complete strangers because you hate what you are and please don't give me that shit about "GOD told you to do it" If you can't prove to me some deity in fact gave you a command then I don't believe you and you're just full of shit. Or mental. These deities you worship (if they really exist) have been around much longer than you or anyone else and it makes no sense they need you to do anything for them. You think they couldn't whip up another flood if gay people pissed them off so much? No they don't need you. You need to feel important or a part of something. You need attention or you've simply been brainwashed into buying into another of mankinds great lies.

Dudes father has a tv show that's taped here in Cali. He said he was against what his son did. Supposedly months ago the kid saw some gay men kissing and it really pissed him off. His father told him that God would eventually punish the gays for what they are doing. Punish us for what? Punish us for daring to love each other? Yeah some of us are disgusting scum with no morals or self respect but the same can be said of straight people. For someone who is supposedly so terrible there are some truly awesome gay people who have contributed great things to our society as a whole. Music,art,dance,inventions,medicine,literature. Anyone with common sense should eventually start to question anything that they cannot see with their own eyes or prove. Folks get so caught up in this religious crap and it destroys them from within. It cripples their ability to think for themselves. It punishes those who dare to stray and stifles creativity at times. Yes it does keep some people from going too far with their evilness but its probably safe to say religion isn't for everyone. These are just things people made up to help them make sense of whats out there. Or who is out there. For the record I do not believe we are alone but I do believe most of us have it all WRONG.

The shooters name is Omar and its freaky how much he looks like a Hispanic guy I recently dated. I dreamed about him yesterday too. Things were cool with us at first and I was wondering if something special would come out of us.... It was a pretty bad situation that took place in Detroit. Mostly it was a misunderstanding and an attempt I think to manipulate me. It was a freaky situation because I really liked this guy but he will never know because I had to cut him loose for trying to sabotage one of my film shoots. He almost did truthfully. Anyway Omar beat his ex wife. She said he was abusive....bipolar and that there was just something wrong with him. Some of his former co-workers described him as having a temper and he was on the FBI's list of possible problems but I guess they never really had anything to pin on him and they obviously can't predict the future so THAT happened. We may never really know what was going on with this guy. Although Isis is now saying they are behind it. Could be they just wanna take credit for it. That's what Obama believes. He says it was a homegrown act. But it is strange that this man picked up the phone and called authorities to pledge his allegiance with the terror group before he went back inside. He took hostages too. Thankfully the swat team blew up portions of the bathroom walls to extract the people trapped and they were able to take him down. Theres an eerie video a girl made on her phone probably just seconds before getting shot. Also one incredibly handsome brother managed to text his mom right before the gunman entered the restroom where he and others were hiding. As I type this the anger washes all over me again that so many promising young lives were taken so needlessly by such a fucking coward. I wish Obama would straight up ban guns but there would be a fight. NRA and the right to bear arms you know.

People were lined up for hours in Orlando to give blood (for the victims of the shooting). There was an issue with some gay and bi men donating blood. Seems the law there is that you can't give blood unless you haven't had sex for a year. Just in case of STD. Meanwhile here in Cali the mood is weird. We just had gay pride weekend but now of course no one feels like celebrating anything. Its all surreal. Katy Perry tweeted "I just can't believe that this is the world we live in" There was a police presence here on the job earlier. Everyone was constantly on their guard. No one could really sit down and it was quite intense. That's what the guard I relieved told me. They want us to be in the parking lot often. Make ourselves visible you know? If they want guards walking around outside at night they should hire two per building for safety. That's what I would do. I'm sure we're gonna see some changes in procedures now. What I do not get is how did the guy get inside the club with a gun? At the Catch One club years ago when I'd go they would wand us down at the door to make sure there were no weapons. So maybe people need to (just like at airports) empty their pockets and let everything go thru an Xray machine before entering. Then they need to stand in a booth that Xrays them before they can come in to get their stuff out of a tray. Come to think of it they do this in courts and govt buildings too. Its gonna take a long time to get in the clubs and the lines will be long but this is simply another freedom we're gonna have to sacrifice all in the name of security. Either that or everyone will be walking around paranoid and afraid to go out anywhere. Obama has had to deal with 14 shootings like this since in office. Its like someone is trying to tear him down or something but I don't see how he's gonna come out of his presidency without doing something radical to end these shootings. The proverbial writing is on the wall.