THE CURIOUS DEATH OF SERGIO WILLIS

I stood there in the shadows haunted by what I was witnessing

Hanging on to one single rose for strength/comfort.

As they lowered that big bad box into the ground.

I don’t know why I wanted to just run out and knock it over

So the body would fall out. All horrific like.

Like in one of those damned scary movies.

But there was no body in that coffin

The funeral was only to symbolize

Something else that had passed away that day.

The heart of me was gone

Passed on

That part of me that used to believe that

That special kinda love many of us dream about

Was something I could partake of.

Truth of the matter is

Some of us can never really have such things.

That part of me might have existed at one time

Bright and cheerful

Full of so many wonderful qualities

Any fool in their right mind would want

Yet there before me

that image of what was me

Was being lowered into the ground.

He’d been murdered figuratively and literally

Murdered by lies,cruelty,and abandonment.

The world stopped wanting him.

There was no longer any place for a kind heart that believed in love

So realizing the world turned him into a sort of monster

Sergio simply lost his will to live.

Part of me envied this person returning to the earth.

No more loneliness.

No more rejection.

No more racism or crazy homophobic people

Coming after me with their scriptures.

No more terrorists who wanna blow me up because….

Well I’m not even sure why they wanna kill me

All I know is they absolutely HATE me

For a variety of reasons.


No more of that "trapped on the planet of the bottoms" frightfest.


No more bills.
 

Yeah Sergio is lucky in a way

At least now nobody can hurt him anymore.

God it hurts my heart when I remember how full of joy that boy used to be.

 My eyes actually started to well up and I had to look away quickly because someone looked in my

direction. Can you imagine what would happen….

If someone were to recognize me standing here in the shadows at my OWN funeral?

Yikes.

Sergio they had no right to do this to you man

Broke all that you were until

Both mind body and everything else

It just started to wither away. How much longer would you have lived man?

I wanted to be your firend. I wanted to reach out to you but

Like everybody else I was so caught up in my own stuff to notice you would have given almost anything

To feel a warm reassuring hug (at least) in this world where only appearing strong is rewarded.

Its starting to rain now and I won’t be able to stand here much longer since I’ve no umbrella.

I’m starting to feel an emptiness in my chest.

Guilt?

I think I failed you. We all did.

Gotta get out of here.

Shit is just too depressing to linger on.

I guess that’s what those of us left here in this crazy world are gonna have to do huh?

We’re left here to try and carry on without you.

Its gonna take some time.

A few months? Years?

Life will go back to being somewhat like it was

But every now and then

Somehow I’ll be reminded of you.

Probably wanna play some videogames with you then I’ll realize you’re gone.

Really gone. Its no dream. I actually knew a trulu good man in this insane world

Broke bread with him

And now that little bit of light has fled into the void.

Damn.

Who were you really Sergio???

As stupid as it is I find myself getting upset at you.

For leaving ME here to carry on.

Broken and empty

Yet someone has to continue your work.

I think I owe that to you.

Maybe it’ll help keep me alive.

Didn’t keep you around but maybe I’m still here

Hanging on because I am stronger than you were/are.

Such a sentimental fool you were.

Not your fault your genius wasn’t recognized and nurtured.

You endured so many years of hell one can only imagine how

You woulda turned out with a real mentor figure in your life from early on.

So lost in my thoughts that it only just dawned on me everyone has left. 

The rain is REALLY coming down hard now.  But I walk over because it’s the right thing to do.

The box is covered to keep out the rain. I sigh tossing my rose over onto it.

It’s a small gesture but it is

Hard reality hitting me in the face.

Letting me know that this is it.

This is goodbye.

I fall to my knees there in the rian

I’m sobbing now

Sobbing for that little boy

That was me.

The lost little boy

I was unable to save.

Thunder rumbles loudly in the distance

Shocking me out of my daze.

I get up to slowly walk away

Then I realize I’ve cut myself on that rose before I tossed it.

My eyes fall down to look at my hand

And this mind wonders

Was that prick you/me?

I mean did a force from my friend reach out from beyond

To punish me for feeling sorry for myself

At his/my funeral?

Some irony.

A weak smile comes over my lips because I know

This is exactly how he would have like to be remembered.

The kind prankster with a sense of humor probably too advanced for his own good.

Lightning illuminates the sky which makes me wanna dash away yet I continue to walk

However briskly.

I won’t run. I need to let this drag out. Gotta take all the time I need to mourn what is gone

Before letting you go man. I turn to stop and look one last time because I know I can never return here.

I will never forget you my friend. May your spirit rest in peace.

May all I’ve learned from you give me the strength to face the days ahead.