I used to be angry
so much of the time
but now I am focused.
The energy
everything I feel
I channel it all letting it flow out of me into these things I create.
Realizing there is much
we cannot control.
People will
hate
misjudge
gossip
and some will even try to
kill us
and if that is the path they have chosen to walk
its not really any of my business.
Some of my own supposed people
my brothers and sisters
have hurt me in ways that may never heal
perhaps I should have heeded my mothers words
She told me to look out for my own
She said some of your own people will hurt you
in ways that surpass anything the white man will do.
I have felt the sting of hatred
for so long
it has become a part of me
its made me sick
the racism
the homophobia.
So many have been poisoned by this world
sometimes I think my soul is tired
tired of this world
but theres always something there for me to hold on to
you see I am a loner
yet I will always have my dreams
my creativity
the videogames
the comic books
the music and the movies
the love of nature
my respect for the spiritual realms and those that inhabit it
as I myself walk in and out of these places.
My phone doesn't ring
Usually it is me in the bed alone
In a world of billions
I am alone
yet not really alone
because the spirits watch over me
this nomad
this person who these days shies away so much from humanity.
What have I become?
Better or worse?
Wiser?
So focused
on making a better future
my mind often lets the despair slip right thru my fingers.
This is how Sergio survives
This is his semblance of sanity.
Love me or leave me alone.