(Written to the music of Foreign Exchange and Nicolay)

The past couple of weeks have been surreal. The whole newness of being single and the struggle to put together new projects for this coming weekend. In a way I'm sure I am dealing with some sort of depression although I am happy that the projects are coming together despite all the obstacles involved. I miss "The Bear" in ways he will never know. I will never have anything bad to say about what we had because he is a good man. Whatever differences we might have had the underlying truth (for me)is the relationship was feeling more like a friendship. Add to the distance and all the work needed towards my career goals and something had to give. Life will go on thats all I have to say on this matter for now.

Yesterday I listened to a new song by Will I am off his new cd called "The World is crazy". It made me think of all the insane stuff going on in this world. The bombings last week at the Boston marathon....conflicts with Korea.... I thought alot about how living in this world amongst all the craziness has changed me. I took a cartoon "Paranorman" to make me REALLY think about how much of who Sergio is had become infected by all the madness and hatred of other people. Its not good to linger on these things yet you can't help but sometimes feel anger at the world. Like something was taken from you and even though you survive you might not ever completely be healthy because of shit people put you through. I got people who want to bomb me for whatever reasons. I got people who hate me because I'm gay. People hate me because I'm black. People don't wanna be a friend to me because of financial status. People don't wanna help me because no one really helped them and all they can find the energy for is trying to trample on my dreams. Teena Marie said "Stop the world I wanna get off!" Sometimes I swear there are moments when I wish I could just go to another planet to get away from all the negativity in this world. Yeah adversity helps make one strong and builds character yet I get so damn tired of feeling like society turned me into something theres no cure for. Something powerful but something feared. A kind hearted monster who will come and save the city when the bad monsters attack but when its all over I'll go back up to the forbidden mountains because I've no real desire to live amongst these strange creatures obsessed with killing themselves. Not saying I feel like that ALL the time. But a great deal of the time people disappoint me. But who's perfect right? Paranorman reminded me to not forget the good people. There have certainly been plenty of villains in my life (like the nuts who walk past my job and either yell nasty things or bang on the entrance) however the occasional hero emerges from time to time. I thank my maker for sending these angels who bring light when it seems all too much. Sergzilla is strong yet the creature still needs help once in awhile.

It seems like another one of those silly notions but I'd like to move DragonManx the series to another city. Another state even. Maybe Canada? Its not like I don't know people in Canada. At one point San Diego seemed like a good location but now my heart is set on an even bigger goal. So the main character of my spin off webseries is definitely heading for bigger and better things. It might even happen this year. Just gotta save up the money you know? Its become pretty obvious no one is gonna loan me any money or help me finance my projects. Its bittersweet because it hurts to not have that support. Maybe I shouldn't have it or want it? And just to be clear a handful of friends and family members have bailed me out on production woes but at this point things should be easier right? Then again if people keep helping you out there will probably come a time when they'll start applying the pressure for you to make some creative changes in your work. So it is a double edged sword. Better to have complete control over your shit I think. It does feel a bit weird being a black gay artist working within the gay community and feeling cut off from your peers. I keep feeling like I need to prove myself. Half the time I think I'm the only person Sergio needs to prove anything to. Because you know people are never really gonna be satisfied. Still the quality of my work HAS to improve. Sometimes I get so critical of my short films I don't even wanna watch them. Sometimes I just wanna start everything all over again. Maybe I will take a page from Ultimate Spiderman and skip ahead a year in the storylines. Thats sort of a reboot....

Its almost time to get outta here (Yes it is at work). But before the mad dash to wash out my coffee mug and hastily stuff my things back into the locker I wanted to make special mention of something that may get launched next month whilst I take a hiatus from SOL/DM to focus on other stuff. Stuff like my terribly neglected Detecter Pig cartoon. The special project is gonna be a talk show themed program on videogames. Might be doing this on vimeo or maybe there will be two versions. An all ages version on youtube and a more mature version for Vimeo a site I definitely need to gravitate more towards. No thats not saying I'll abandon Youtube. A brother just wanna expand you know? Stay tuned. Same bat channel and all that....