THE UNDESIREABLE(?)

Yesterday I saw a white man walking

He stopped and turned around

The same way so many people have done

When I’m walking behind them

And its really why I have a serious pet peeve

About walking behind people

Because they stop,slow down,speed up

As if they think I’m following them or something.

Its almost the same as locking your doors

When I walk by

So I said

Mostly under my breath

yet loud enough for him to hear I’m sure

“I’m not interested in anything you have”

I was shocked when he said

“good morning” as he was going to his car.

I said good morning and kept going.

Partially I felt

Diffused

Confused.

Had I misinterpreted him?

Sometimes I’m so used to people hating me

I might even imagine it when its not there

Sometimes.

Sometimes its hard to tell

Friend from foe.

This world has traumatized me.

I wear the wounds of war

On my very aura.

Its true.

 ****

THE LOST BABY

He’s leaving

Moving so far away

When will I see him again?

I’m gonna have to get used to living alone again.

But its certainly felt as if

I have been living alone

This past year and a half

In a way.

You don’t touch me

Barely kiss me

(Until its time for sex)

We rarely talk on the phone.

How often have you bothered to skype me on that tablet I gave you?

Never.

You say you care man

But I don’t know how much I believe you.

Your actions have me so perplexed

I don’t know whether to be jubilant you are leaving

Or overcome with grief.

You made me love you with my emergency brakes on.

Is it all in my mind

You’re sharing yourself with me

Sharing another part of you

With whoever that “he” is

That I once tasted on your lips?

****

DE-EVOLUTION

Aren’t we supposed to be getting better?

Yet its definitely getting worse here in this place.

Killing

Murdering

Terroristing

Environmentally destructing

So much that

The animals don’t have anywhere to go

and they come

risking life and limb

to eat the trash.

How did we get here?

Can’t turn on the news

(Man this world is changing)

Without hearing about some awful tragedy

And you tell me

Oh its so depressing and not to talk or dwell on these things

But how can I not THINK about this shit

Because its everywhere.

When I’m in the movies

And the guy gets up to pee

I’m wondering whether

Its gonna be some gun blasting attack.

I miss how life used to be.

Scary as it was at times

We never quite lived in times like this.

I feel like its taking a toll on me

And I just try to fight through this anxiety.

Anxiety caused by living with

A constantly de-evolving human race.

****

THE SOULMATE

They say he comes around here

Some have seen him.

He’s one of them.

Like the one who came to me as a child

Tickled me in the dark

And although I could feel the danger

In his cold embrace

I felt so safe. Does that even make sense?

 

I think maybe the cat used to play with him you know?

When he wasn't just staring into space at something no one else could see

He or the dog would just jump up and dash out of the room as if chasing

or being chased....

They say he walks around in here

Pacing back and forth

And he does know all our secrets

What power he has

To see and hear all

To snap us out of self doubt.

Not the enemy

Gives a soft reassuring touch on the shoulder at times.

He’s not at all intrusive.

Some are you know?

Like the one who visited me

Took of my love and I awoke feeling someone had entered “that dark cave”.

No this guy

He’s the friend everyone wants

Not judging or anything because he knows everything

And all I can do is wonder what it would be (or have been) like to have a friend such as he who was alive.

What if we have met or were supposed to have been….something great?

What if he is the one from that dream

tall with a fade

facial hair

brown skin

and with a warm touch that made everything feel alright.

I think I saw him back in 1993

on wilshire

What if he passed on

but....

What if he's trapped here

soul couldn't move on

anchored by my pain?

Is he "him"???

What if....?