(To Loose Ends radio station on Pandora)
I am alittle late with this entry. Like 8 hours late but thats okay. Life happens. I had a pretty smooth shift. (I'm still here after getting caught up in Hi-Fi Rush via Game Pass on my MSI laptop!) The only really exciting thing that happened was this kid seemed to be having some anxiety about someone wanting to hurt him and he came through to call the police. He's a young guy. Dark brown with a slim muscular build. Kinda reminds me of my brother or even Sir Nathan Of The Boondocks who I haven't seen or spoken too in awhile. (Some people do ghost you when they get into a relationship. It happens.) This kid had a VERY prominent body odor. I don't know if he really was in danger but the counselor let him call the cops and they went away to talk afterwards. Something odd happened with my laptop though. Its happened before and maybe I am reaching here but I've gone away from my laptop and when I return I get the impression someone may have been using it or looking at some webpages I have left open because for one thing it should be in sleep mode and I was pretty sure when I walked away this particular webpage was either closed or I had another page up and other stuff was minimized. Also I've been having more paranormal stuff happening. It usually involves lights turning off and on. Electronics tripping and sudden strong impressions of being watched. (No I'm not talking about the new video cameras they have installed near our desk) Usually I don't dwell too much on this stuff. I have learned to accept it as my normal and of course I rarely talk to other people about it but I believe its important I start documenting these occurences. Could just be my aura messing with stuff around me. Could be something else. What? I have so many theories. Ghosts. otherworldly visitors or psychic phenomena. Still it is true we all have electromagnetic fields around us that can cause shit to happen. Static shocks. Interference with radio signals. Even internet or wi-fi and telepathy is real even if with most of us its sporatic or unpredictable. In 100 years so much that we don't understand will be explained by science probably. It does appear that my moods play a part in this shit. For instance some if not all of us can possibly affect the world around us depending on how we feel or confidence levels. Other people can even affect others by thinking or feeling some kind of way about them. Call it a super power or call it a basic skill. Most of us just don't really tap into it for whatever reason.
Theres this sorta cute guy who comes in here to work in the morning. We have never had a conversation although I have spoken to him before. Just friendly greetings. He comes in and goes in the kitchen to chill before he starts his work day. Probably coming extra early by bus because he is forced to catch it at a certain time or run the risk of being late. Now after what I went through with Mr. Ninja and other interactions with folks here I decided I wasn't gonna try to be social with anyone else here at the job. Its too messy because people are messy and no one here is my friend. It does feel strange being in the lgbt community and working in an lgbt environment one has to keep a distance and also you have to be very careful what you say because even if you mean no harm folks can get offended and we live in an age of cancel culture. I do at times wonder if I wasn't an employee here would it be possible to have real friendships with some of the people who work here. Maybe if I'd met Mr. Ninja away from here things would have been different. I'll probably never know but there are some people I swore were out of my life who in time seem to realize maybe however they percieved me before wasn't exactly real. Folks do gossip I am aware and opinions can be compromised without even giving a person a chance when perhaps it was easier at the time to believe what somebody else said about you. I think it was one of the trans women here at the center who said "People change" and they do. Well sometimes. I think I have accepted folks are gonna believe what they want about me and they will never really know me. I just don't have the time or energy to run around trying to change minds. Some battles really are not worth fighting and in time you learn the wisdom to as some say just "let GOD".
The lights are off here in the room and a co-worker walked by "You're still here?" She's one of the cool folks and very easy to talk to even if she is kinda mysterious in her ways.
Theres this song playing now by The Commodores called "Zoom" and this particular song has brought me to tears at times. The message and the instruments. Its a song about how the world is and wishing to fly away to somewhere where things are better. Always makes me also wish I could go back in time to spend some time with loved ones who are no longer here you know?
I paid more moolah to my webpage company yesterday and I also sent moolah to my animator. I tried to set up a session with my therapist but missed her so we're gonna shoot for sometime during the upcoming week. The brother who went with me and filmed my IGN Live visit still has yet to send me footage I need to add to my webpage and its irritating as this is holding up progress. These types of things can be avoided if I would learn more about filming and editing my own stuff you know? I mean I do basic editing when I upload my daily YouTube game play videos. (I try to get in at least an hour of gameplay everyday) I can learn this stuff if I as my mother used to say...apply myself. Still have to get dental work done pretty soon so I need to catch up on the damn insurance payments. Just tired of being broke between paychecks so I have been making more of an effort to keep some money in the bank and to take some time out to enjoy life. Not saying I have been going on any major shopping sprees yet if you don't take SOME time to treat yourself whats the point of working all the time? Having said all that I plan to make some serious cutbacks soon because I have to focus on saving to get the SonsOfLegend film back on track as well as thinking about some trips planned for the upcoming holidays. Its possible i may quit here next May after my 18 year anniversary so Its important to make sure theres money set aside for that. Things are changing here and I'm not so much worried about that as I am about how stressed out I get dealing with some of the personalities I come into contact with on a daily basis. A nice laidback 9-5 job is what my nerves need and I do believe I've been here well long enough so working towards making sure I can comfortably quit needs to become a new obsession. Well that and staying out of trouble. Mary J Blige says stay low and keep it humble. It does make it easier to stay in the rat race when you have something to look forward to. Keep your eyes on the prize.
I do tend to look at the news when I'm on the web. Used to make it my business to tune in to the local news and I need to get back to that. Earlier I read a story that really made me sad. In Ohio a woman attempted to stop someone from carjacking her car which had her 6 year old son in it. The news article says she was struck and fell out of the car as it sped away and she later died from her injuries. The car was found abandoned with the kid still in it. This was a woman in her late 20's who worked 2 jobs and she was on her way home after picking her son up from the babysitter (or school) Two men were seen fleeing the area via video cameras and a suspect was apprehended so far. Its pretty crazy this 6 year old kid has to grow up now without his mom because some piece of garbage decided to take something which wasn't theirs to take in the first place. What a crazy world this is at times. I do feel we are getting to the point where all citizens should be allowed to carry guns. They need to make all these cars with a killswitch owners can utilize too to keep folks from stealing vehicles. Actually its surprising this isn't a thing already. Should I invent it and make it affordable?
Well its time to get out of here. Its almost 8am after all and I've alot to do this weekend. Some cleaning up. Maybe go see a movie and chill at the Grove today or tomorrow. Maybe throw out those two matresses. Doesn't look like I'm gonna find anyone to help me so I need to figure out if I'm gonna do it now and then order a futon next pay period. Shit sometimes I wish I could find me one of those hot migrants from NY and let them move in and help me help myself. What an odd fantasy to have...
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