The Man Who Ate Curses

 I the strange and sometimes not alright but mostly always driven supporting character of my own life has (have?) returned. I can't believe its been since August the last time I posted anything here. Alot has happened needless to say but I will try my best to recall it all to catch you up. I'm still talking to the cute guy from Nigeria. Being respectful of his privacy I'll just call him "The Bear". The Bear was ina pretty bad situation when we frist started talking because he'd come from a situation where he lost everything and at first I thought he was trying to scam me but now we've made it official and we've entered this struggle to get him here into the US but since Trump has banned folks from coming here from a bunch of other countries (Nigeria included) well things are not looking so great. Let me tell you it is so crazy living in a world where two people who want to be together can't be together yet...well Trump happened. Looks like it will be another 3 years of his craziness. At least the Supreme court stopped his tariffs. Meanwhile MTV doesn't exist anymore. P Diddy is still in jail and the Epstein files are still just as mysterious to the public.   Folks are scared to death of AI and the hate for it is insane. I got roasted so bad on Instagram after using AI to doctor a picture of Wonder Man I no longer bother to read any comments on thread because we got some really unhinged individuals out here on social media. I mean I knew how toxic guys are from playing videogames (I 99% of the time don't bother to use chat during gaming sessions these days) but I have never experienced that kind of unwavering HATE that came literally every five minutes in nasty comments tearing me apart because I posted one picture. I asked where was the energy or acknowledgment for all the other things I posted over the years...artwork from original artists I have paid thousands of dollars to produce work in art, literature or film? Of course crickets chirping was the response. I think its just easier for many humans to be be nasty to each other and alot of folks will jump on something because its trendy. Its trendy to hate AI now because of this crazy notion it will take over the world I guess. I mean don't get me wrong jobs are being affected and lost and some folks are abusing this stuff and using it for all the wrong reasons but doesn't that happen with pretty much anything? Some will always find a way to exploit or misuse any type of power. 

Nerds With Badges just wrapped a new episode a few weeks ago so I'm still doing that. I found a new partner to do the episodes with. He's a straight brother from Colorado. He's an ex-Marine who lived in Japan for a a couple of years and he's big into anime like me. Well maybe not quite like me. I recruited him at an Anime convention last year. He's cool. Kinda edgy and weird in his own way. sometimes I worry about him but he's like me a nerd with a badge. A security guard big into nerd culture so he's my people. I think he's in it for the long haul even as we are still working out the kinks in this podcast. Thing is I gotta figure out a way to make some money from all this shit because I am so over this 9-5 hustle. I wish I could get all the other security guards together who feel the same way and start a business with them. Well I suppose that is the idea with NWB. I'm planning to leave this job in2027 so I'm trying to save and focus more onprojects and potential business opportunities. The Sasquatch cartoon is done but I think Ima use AI to improve its quality. I have a new comic that will be out soon and speaking of AI I have been using it to improve and introduce some new characters or storylines. It is a useful tool. Especially since I don't have to spend so much money hiring others to do as much art or designs for me. I'm actually using AI the right way. Improving ideas and concepts. Not just being lazy and having it do ALL the work. I've come up with some really cool stuff and I gotta work on publications since my current comic publisher won't touch anything utilizing AI.  Also regarding AI Microsoft laid off a lot of folks and companies are buying so many chips for AI that right now theres a big shortage which has driven costs up so much Sony, Microsoft and Steam are delaying their upcoming game consoles. And yes GTA 6 was delayed AGAIN. A new Resident Evil game releases this week (Already pre-ordered it for my Xbox Series S) I was thinking about upgrading to a Series S but Xbox,Nintendo and Sony have raised prices on their hardware, effectively pricing out some gamers. I hurried up and got a Switch Lite for The Bear because I know more price increases are coming. Yes I am trying to turn him into a content creator. I think this could help him out financially. He's good-looking and smart and he has a lot to say. Just needs an audience and hot gamers are...well hot items. They are. 

I had a surprise visit from family that kinda went wrong because I was sick and my sister just came to my apartment knocking on my door like the police and I was half asleep from a sleeping pill and didn't allow her and my niece to come inside my cluttered apartment. I am honestly still alittle pissed she did that.  I love her but please if you are visiting call in advance and don't just pop up. Its disrespectful and I would not do that. Especially to someone who works nights. Ugh. 

Back to The Bear. I have sent him some things and provided money when I could but the writing seems on the wall that if we are gonna be able to spend time together before Trump leaves office I may have to go to him. Truthfully I have thought of leaving the US for awhile yet Nigeria is having so many problems right now we would need to meet up somewhere else. The plan before Trump blocked visas was tohave him come here but now any way he can come here legally is paused. The organization ICE has really made life difficult because they have been rounding up immigrants left and right. So much we even had training on how to deal with them if they come here to the LGBT Center. They have actually been chill these past couple of months due to some controversy surrounding fatal encounters with activists. Nigeria is dealing with some tension with religious fanatics and crooked politicians as well as a push by folks to get those resources. trump actually sent troops over there to help train fighters last week. The Bear says we can use this situation to get him some form of asylum. We'll see. 

 

The Man Who Ate Curses

 (To Mary J Blige Playlist https://youtu.be/-sQKGH3pm5k?si=K_SIfVCFBlbBaqtO )

It's been a minute but I figured now's a good time to get back into this blogging thing. I think I might have found a new co-host for Nerds With Badges. I met him at the Anime Expo like a month ago. Dude was working security and I just felt compelled to ask him if he's be interested in the gig and he said yes. I am hoping to do a show next week with him where I discuss my handheld console collection. In other news we've basically restarted things on the Sasquatch animated project. This is good because I was not really happy with some of the stuff that's been produced so far. The producer of the project has temporarily stepped away from Hollywood so he's not involved in production anymore. I might hire him to do some filming and editing on NWB. My comics are still being worked on in spite of some errors discovered concerning printing. Meanwhile I am looking to go into production on a SOL film project sooner then later because I really wanna get back into filming stuff. All the shit that went down with the doomed "Daughters Of Legend" project really traumatized me into a state of stunted creativity but I can't afford towaste anymore time especially since I mean to quit this job REAL soon. Too much stress and bs. Had a scare with my dad over pneumonia last month. He was rushed to the hospital via ambulance due to difficulty breathing. Also I found out Lymonicus has been battling cancer. Had a recent failed romance but I will speak on that later since its time for post rotation here at work. 

The Man Who Ate Curses

 Apr 29 

12:23am

Had a good cry just now. Started my night out earlier listening to Oleta Adams phenomenal "Circle Of One" album on Spotify and then it was on to Earth Wind And Fire. Then I got to The Commodores and thats when the waterworks began. You see "Zoom" is such a powerful song for me. It always takes me back. I feel sad and then I feel how amazing my life has been...then I start thinking about the people I miss and how I wish there was a way I could go back in time or just see them again so I could hug them and say goodbye because (here come the tears again) in so many cases I never got the chance to say goodbye. I came out here to pursue my dreams, to pursue a better life and to find out who I was and in doing so I lost out or missed out on some things...some connections...people I know or knew died...moved away and in so many cases I became a stranger. I think about my aunt "Roqueamae" who helped raised me by taking care of me on weekends... She died a few years ago. She passed right before my sister Krystal did. I think of both my grandmothers. I did see and hug my moms mother shortly before her death but I completely missed out on spending precious time with my dads mom and for the longest I have had some guilt for it. Then came the song "Night Shift" Another one that gets me in the feels. I think of Marvin,Jackie and I think of all the people who are in a better place because of how crazy this world has become. So many have suffered so much and at times (a car plowed into a crowd in Canada the other day) its so much you get numbed to a degree. Life can get so crazy that at times it does feel like a nightmare. Despite all this it hasn't all been bad. My life hasn't been completely bad but I have made so many mistakes that I do wish I could go back and just...change. All I can do is make sure to keep trying to be good...I know there are times the rules must be broken yet I can't lose hope for the good it does to be good. Also maybe more important than anything else is to give our loved ones their flowers while they are still here. I think we tend to forget time is ticking and folks are getting older. The Crazy African told me the other day "No man is an island" and maybe ultimately he's right? It seems he does actually miss me and often I wonder if he is the only man who truly gets me in the way I need getting. That didn't come out how I meant it.

Hurt my arm a work weeks ago and now I'm getting physical therapy for it. Basically I damaged a muscle nearly tripping down some stairs. Took some time off work too. Took last night off as well. Its actually helped me spiritually to be away from that place. The time is coming for me to leave. This I can feel but I need to save my money and hold out just alittle longer as I search for better opportunities you know? The infinitely wise Madonna once said "You can only learn so much in one place" Since SHE said it it must be true. 😐  

In the meantime I started a kickstarter for my Sasquatch cartoon because I realized I'm in over my head and need to bring in some help to finish this project. It takes a village is something I sometimes forget I think. I am trying to get Sir Nathan back into acting especially since my story is built around the character he plays. Sir Nathan has a girl and two cats (one recently passed) We hung out last weekend. I treated him to dinner after we risked our safety and sanity by catching a "Waymo" out to The Grove. I think it was "The Gumbo Pot" we ate at. The food was awesome as always. The bread pudding was too good! Oh yeah and I also saw "Sinners" last weekend. Its a vampire movie starring Michael B Jordan in a dual role as twin brothers. 

Sometimes I find myself thinking of something or maybe its more than one thing and then I'll forget one of the things that was on my mind and its frustrating. Gotta get my eyes checked again so I can get glasses. Probably next week. Gotta go on a diet to lose this belly. (Yes I am about to drink some coffee and eat a muffin) I didn't say I was on the diet yet! I do wish I hadn't drank all that super sized strawberry peach boba tea I had earlier. Boba is a guilty pleasure. As is having too many apps knowing full well I need to cancel some, since I won't be able to keep up with everything coming on tv anyway and...well a brother needs to start seriously penny pinching. I mean right now. Saving money is VERY important and I wish I'd learned the value of this when I was a wee lad. You really can't depend on social security. I don't think any of us should... 

The Man Who Ate Curses (Book 2 The Declutterization of Sergio)

 I had the past few days off. It was a muchneeded break from all the craziness of this place. (Alarms going off now for GOD knows what) Finally got the two queen sized mattresses taken out by a company that removes junk. Cost me like $260...  but it was needed and since I have no social life it wasn't like I had anyone I could call to help so... Also I ordered a futon. That should arrive sometime later today. I'm so gald because I do NOT want to sleep on that hard assed carpet again! As for the job fair well I sorta attended. It was actually a 3 day event but I chose to go on the last day and that event was mostly a meet and greet thing at a hotel. I'd actually went to the wrong location on my first trip. Cost me almost $50.00. Had to cat another LYFT to the right location. That cost me almost $40.00 then it was another $30.00 to go home. The whole thing was so packed and it made my anxiety skyrocket. I did give out copies of my DragonManx comic though then I jetted. 

When I got here at work I still had to deal with my badge not working. Thankfully a staff member was able to help me access the elevator. I went in the conference room on the 2nd floor to chill a bit before my shift (like I have been doing for years) It was a risky move as some guard(s) recently fucking up by sneaking into folks workspaces and messing with shit caused our bosses to ban us from using other spaces for breaks. Theres always some folk who mess thing up for everybody else. Thing is I NEED that personal space to unwind and get it together before starting work at this circus. I just hate being forced to sit in the kitchen where you really have no privacy. We already have no privacy because glass walls are literally EVERYWHERE here. In other news Nintendo might have to raise the already high price of their new Switch 2 due to Trumps tarrifs. We won't know anything for sure for a couple of months I think. As it is Nintendo canceled plans to start pre-orders on April 8th or 9th. I might get one but I may have to wait as most of my money will likely be tied up in my projects for the rest of 2025. 

The Man Who Ate Curses (April 1 2025)

 (To 3 hours of the best Star Wars music=Youtube)

https://youtu.be/9WGj1bLS-yg?si=ZjN2ctn3nSMJkOGZ

I'm really looking to my upcoming vacation. I will be off work the next four days. Sort of a mini vacation I guess. Since I couldn't get Monday off for the Caesar Chavez holiday I took Tues and Wednesday. Since I have Thurs and Fri off I ended up with four days off back to back. 6 O'clock can't get here fast enough though. I am so done with this place and all the craziness. There was this thick white chick who was yelling and running up and down the halls in the youth housing trying to fight with someone outside. Some dude tackled her to keep her from going out and I was so glad when my relief came to relieve me as I just didn't wanna be over there anymore in case shit jumped off which it did later on. I was so glad I was at another post because the police ended up getting called and the other guards had to deal with that shit. I thank the powers that made me because shit went down right before we were supposed to switch and I woulda been over there. My heart was beating so fast from all the caffeine in my system cuz I'd had coffee with a red bull earlier. Things are getting so crazy around here. Someone pissed in the back of the building and then we have all these tents outside. Someone planted these huge cactus plants in big pots to deter the homeless yet they vandalized the plants the other day. My badge to allow me entrance stopped working suddenly so I'm having to deal with that. Someone drank a V8 I had in the fridge the other day and folks keep leaving that kitchen patio door open which someone allegedly snuck in to steal my shit awhile back. The parking gate still is a big problem as dispatch can't close it and patrolling guards have to keep going to shut it which takes time off our patrols plus folks can sneak in sometimes. Last week an employee had her car stolen and wrecked by the person who stole it and was eventually apprehended. A day later homegirl was right back out on the streets. Just the other day a Hispanic man from another dept made sure he locked and closed an office door when he saw me sitting in one of the conference rooms nearby. It felt like a direct insult or maybe everyone is suspicious since some guards have been suspected/accused of stealing or sleeping in folks offices on breaks. I think of quitting way too often and I feel like I'm a hairs breath away from doing it if anything else crazy jumps off. I'm going to a job fair Saturday because I can't stay in this stressful environment. In the meantime I gotta cut back on my spending. ALOT. Still working on clearing out the clutter from my place though. Getting my bed tossed Friday so I can have more space and probably next month I gotta put some things in storage. Just until I can get my crib more organized cuz right now it looks like a tornado tore through it.

The Man Who Ate Curses (BOOK 1)

 (To "Tall Black Guy" Exclusive 7 Day Vault Mix Via Youtube)

Monday night at work was another one for the history books. We had a few people who kept coming into the parking levels then on top of that one of the maintenance workers had her car stolen. Its really getting crazy here because we have all these homeless folks camping outside in tents and its not just young lgbt folks. I have a bunch of tents near my apartment building too. I feel like I'm on edge when I come in to work and I'm tired of the stress so come next weekend I'm going to a job fair in Burbank. The writing is on the wall that I need to start being more pro-active about leaving here. Had some good times here don't get me wrong...its just time to move on. Honestly I don't think I ever recovered from having my stuff stolen  here like two years ago. I think about quitting ALL the time and now that my thought patterns are clearer I can start working towards that goal. I say my thoughts are clearer because I've begun to come out of the funk I've been in the past year or so. Even called a company to come clear out some of the junk in my apartment. Finally got around to sorting out the mess that was getting my website done. Work is progressing on the cartoon and I met with the director who is doing the new SonsOfLegend film with me. Its a soft reboot really. More of the old guard working to train the next gen of superheroes. So I'm excited about that. Still working out the kinks on my podcast "Nerds With Badges" but I'm learning valuable lessons on building a brand and building business saviness. Is that even a word "Business Saviness"? Oh yeah I gotta go get a TB test today before I get suspended or something and because someone got caught sleeping I can't use the room I usually retreat to when I come to work and have downtime. This is a challenge for me because I've developed some social anxiety. I NEED that downtime to recover my nerves but now thats basically been stripped from me. So yeah they are making this place feel less like a home to me which is part of why I gots to GO. Thats all for now I guess. 

The Man Who Ate Curses: Book 1

 (TO CHILLED HIP HOP AND SOUL MIX #1 & #2 BY RAPHAEL)

Chapter 4

Well February is almost done and we are heading into Daylight savings time. Egg prices are getting higher, big videogame companies are in trouble because of high budgets and loooooong develpoment cycles...meanwhile I'm not sure if Donald Trump and Elon Musk are helping save the country or if they are trying to destroy it. I guess I hoped 2025 would be saner than 2024 but looks like that may not happen. Just yesterday while riding on the bus to work a crazed white guy ran up and threw water(?) at my window. But at least I finally got around to getting a new and more powerful laptop. (What the hell is up with this keyboard here at my post??? Some letters are sticking!) Anyway the company that made my laptop is called "Gigabyte". They are known for manufacturing computer parts so thats a good thing. The laptop is from last year and its pretty current with specs. Not sure how much in the way of "AI" is has baked in (Thats all the rage these days) but it has 32 gigs of RAM and it makes all my games look like brand new games I never played before so I'm happy. Even if it does run a bit HOT at times and the fans sound like jets about to take off. I'm happy. Not so happy it cost me over a grand but what can you do. It was quite the accomplishment living up to my New Years resolution which was to get a new laptop once the tax return check came. Speaking of checks it seems Donald and Elon found a bunch of money when they laid off a bunch of fed workers and investigated (allegedly) some crazy spending by organizations ripping American citizens off moneywise. As a result a $5000 check could be heading our way. Probably will take a year to go into effect. We'll see. I could certainly use the money. I'd use some for my SonsofLegend short film (meeting about that later this week) and put the rest in the bank and not touch it. I imagine I could produce a short for about $2500 as I have plenty of experience with low budgets yet a crowdfunding campaign might be the better route to take. The safer route to take. Honestly I'm not sure how long I'm gonna keep working here because my spirit is just tired so I need to save as much money as possible in case something crazy happens and I decide its time to give notice. Now don't get me wrong...this is not a bad job perse...its just there are so many changes happening and some of us are really worrying we are being pushed to the door. The union seems useless and some of the things we have to deal with would over time work anyones nerves. Also I'm tired of people telling me what to do and just tired of being tired you know? Mostly these days I don't feel all that energetic or maybe its when I get here. I'm not sleeping well and my back hurts sometimes or maybe its my kidneys. Then theres the clutter I'm still working on. Emotionally a part of me seems like its gone numb and the mere thought of dating fills me with a sense of dread. In some ways I think the concept of dating men is something I've largely abandoned. I'm not really into women either since its not something I've explored beyond high school. I guess at this point in my life I want to just focus on making sure I'm okay. Making sure my future is secure. Gotta get this paper as they say and look out for my health. Well that needs to be a bigger priority. I took myself off the dating apps and theres a fellow on Facebook who has been doing the messenger chat with me for a couple of weeks although we've not talked,video chatted or spoken by phone. Part of me is suspicious you know. I'm pretty sure people I know look at my social media -on the low-. Some might even troll me. Some folks are not even who they say they are and I ain't got time for no mind games because I'm building my empire you know. Folks can just miss me with that nonsense. So yeah I've gone numb to dating. Maybe one day I won't feel this way or I will feel something you know but for now as they say its a trade off. Self pleasure has even gotten numb but at least I have my projects and my hobbies to keep me going. (Been dreaming frequently as of late too) Speaking of projects 2025 has already started to get busy with projects. Another comic is heading to the printer and there are at least two more coming before the year is out. The cartoon is coming along. Just had a much needed and too long put off meeting with the fellas last month so it should be done pretty soon although I might end up hiring some other folks to help out. Another reason to save my money and cut uneccesary expenses. Theres an event I might cover for my podcast this weekend if I have the energy. Need to plan some trips for this year too. Maybe I'll finally do that African trip but its also important I don't stress myself out trying to do too much because lately I've been well my thoughts have been so clusterfuck because maybe I'm thinking of too much at one time. If I were rich I'd hire a personal assistant but since I'm not rich a well thought out schedule will have to do instead.