Up all night listening to "Kroq" on the radio. Longing for a breeze from my window because this fan is barely enough...ðŸ˜
"The only thing I did wrong was fall for the wrong person. I didn't do anything wrong except fall for you. A person I was never meant to be with. Now the chance for us to be friends is ruined and I can't even look at your picture"
I had a dream. Don't remember much of it except I was in a house somewhere. Seemed to be a pretty big house. I get the feeling it might have been somewhere in Louisiana. Maybe it was the home of Lestat? I dunno. Its gotten really hot here in Los Angeles and I'm really lusting for an air conditioner. Probably end up investing in one of those this year. Now much in the way of extra cash these days since alot of my cashflow is funneled into projects. Its no exaggeration to say because I've been going thru so much trying to get this guy out of my head and my life that I've become numb to so much. I avoind him at work but still end up running into him so now I've gotten to thinking of quitting. Isn't that nuts? its obvious he's been avoiding me too because he doesn't come in early anymore or stop through to put his lunch in the fridge anymore. Its insane that two people who connected are now reduced to staying away as if we both have some terrible disease. Honestly I will probably never really know the whole story on what went wrong with us. I suspect this is someone I should have only tried to have a friendship with. So many we probably come across we are not meant to sleep with. Some we meet should never become these fixtures in our lives and we mess up when we go there. Sometimes there are even warning signs or red flags we ignore. So here I am. But I am gonna be going back to taking public transportation because its too expensive taking Uber or Lyft to work every night. I was doing this largely to avoid so much of the riffraff on the metro these days plus its convenient but there are times I miss listening to music on a bus or train ride to work also there are times its socially awkward riding in a car with someone who clearly is not interested in having a conversation with you. Some folks are just fucking mean and have no business interacting with the public but anyway...
The guy I went to have lunch with last week just got himself an Xbox Series S via his internet service provider having a promotion. He is NOT a gamer but he called me and I kinda helped him to understand just what that little white box he has is capable of. Streaming movies. Listening to music. Surfing the web. Maybe even videochat. Its a system that plays videogames yet it can do so much more. I have considered going over his place to help him hook everything up but I gotta be careful not to give the wrong idea. I think he's okay but not my type at all. Could be a possible friendship connection but he definitely vibrates on a lower frequency than me. What I'm saying is that he reminds me of some other people I know who at times it can be a challenge being around them because they seem unhappy or cynical plus their anxiety seems to trigger my anxiety. Some people make you happy being around them or they make you feel comfortable. Thats the kind of energy I need in my life and I'd like to bring that myself as well.
Its been a week of back-and-forth texts with me and a nice guy who lives in Texas and is originally from Botswana. We did finally talk on the phone yesterday and it was a very nice conversation. The dude came here when he was pretty young and he's a physical therapist with two kids. He also has his own ranch. We talked about so many things and it was an enlightening as well as educational experience for me. I think many people have interesting things happen to them but this guy had my attention the whole time. I asked him so many questions because he's so interesting. Lets call him "Sir Squatch" (since I am always teasing him about Bigfoot coming to his ranch to steal his cattle!) Sir Squatch has two adult aged sons he adopted. They are survivors of Katrina and one has dealt with some challenges regarding anxiety so this really hit close to home for me of course since I am the poster child for anxiety. Well one of them anyway. There was a third child but that adoption was reversed due to some problems. Sir Squatch and I had a very interesting talk about whats going on in Uganda regarding "the gay issue" and he brought up a good point about how the US may be over stepping in trying to affect what others do in other parts of the world. Also we spoke on what he called propaganda regarding China or Russia supposedly taking advantage of or even abusing connections with Africa. Seems there has mostly always been friendly relations between them and maybe the US is getting nervous as the balance of power may be shifting and Africa isn't so much dependent on them these days. Its always wonderful when you are able to learn something from someone smarter than you. Its equally wonderful to talk with someone smarter than you that you can actually respect. As far as attraction goes I told Sir Squatch all about my situation with Mr. Ninja and he's understanding. We talked about maybe meeting up on my birthday vacation but since the days I am off don't line up with his and I doubt I can change it this close to the time requested we discussed an alternative. Now I always take off for Halloween and he was planning to go to Vegas this year so we might make arrangements to synch our schedules so we can meet over there for pumpkin day. I imagine being in Vegas for halloween will be an event with shows and things so this is something worth looking into.
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