So I'm starting to feel alot like the old me. The me before all the crazy stuff happened and I lost my mind then over time all the pieces (most of them) started to come back together again. I think it really dawned on me this morning how overwhelmed I am with things I have going on and the more my focus grows I realize thinking about any relationship related shit is a luxury I can't afford. Now I did briefly see a certain person as they came in to work yesterday morning but as I was on my way to my Uber and dude made no attempt to slow down well it feels like some sort of reboot has happened in our origin story. Its been so long since we have really talked or seen each other longer than 5 seconds it is really like we never met or got to know each other at all. Its feeling more like a distant dream meanwhile the reality that I am behind in so many other things is growing heavy. I saw a little infomercial on YouTube yesterday where he said something that made me think. He said you likely have 75 years on this planet and you really need to start living and quit wasting time. I think more and more about my parents and sometimes other family members leaving this world and if i dwell on it its painful...it hurts to think about how much time I wasted when I should have been spending it with them because when they're gone...well you know how that goes.
I did call my father yesterday. We spoke for about half an hour at least. Turns out my stepmother is in the hospital again but this time its related to her kidneys. This particular illness seems to run in her family and I keep getting angry because theres this part of me that wonders if those doctors down there know what they are doing. Also my father and Geraline have come down with Covid. He says they caught it at the hospital but since they both had the shots the symptoms are pretty tame. He just has to stay quarantined for another 3-5 days. I plan to call my mother today. I still haven't decided when I'm visiting this year. Usually its around Halloween but maybe this year I'll go for Christmas or turkey day (Not that I eat turkey or any other meat outside of seafood anymore) and go see my father on New Years day.
Sinead O'Connor passed yesterday. She was 56 and is known for the Prince song "Nothing Compares To You" This talented woman made headlines by ripping up a picture of the Pope on Saturday night live. This pretty much black balled her in the industry but now I'm hearing folks owe her an apology due to all that has gone down with the catholic church over the years... She struggled with some mental health issues and converted to Islam some years back and also had to deal with her son committing suicide. Something she never really bounced back from. Its pretty crazy the shit that people go thru and when you see it you re-think some of the stuff you stress about. Rest in power, Sinead. This world can't hurt you anymore.
I did go on that breakfast meet yesterday. It was hotter than I expected outside and the coupon dude had for the restaurant was for the wrong one so I suggested we go to Starbucks. It was great to get out of the heat but i realized dudes anxiety might be worse than mine because as we stood there in line he wasn't talking to me and it felt incredibly awkward. Actually considered bailing because he was making my anxiety kick in. Still when we sat down and the conversation started flowing his cool points multiplied. Not my type really but it doesn't matter because what I really need right now are friends. There is another person I might go spend some time with on my birthday next month. I already told him I'm shelving dating but this guy and I have been texting for a week and theres definitely a cool connection communication-wise. Thing is with my animation project and now a short film in the works it might simply be financially unwise to plan any luxury non family related trips until at least next year sometime. I really would love to get out of town for a few days but I gotta be patient. Somethings one must sacrifice for the cause. Another thing...Sir Nathan is still not responding to my messages on social media and it appears his phone is off. This is the part where Sergio gets worried. Meanwhile I gotta replace him in the cartoon because I need an actor. Also an actress. Placed an ad online for the jobs this morning. Gotta decide on a storyboard artist too. Well its late and i need to leave work or risk running into you know who. Just feels like we need to keep our distance for awhile. At least thats how I feel. Trying to not open any old wounds you know...
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