The last few weeks have been kind of a slow blur. Just like in the video games I did alot of sleeping and letting the days flash forward and the downside is so much has happened I gotta try to remember everything so I can jot it down here. My addiction to these shrimp skewers I have been ordering via doordash has grown. I've also gotten hooked on bear attack videos on Youtube and playing Vampire The Masquerade Bloodhunt on PS5. But hey some things are cool to be addicted to I guess. Uncool things include thinking about people who don't really care whether you live or die. It took a while (like two months) of emotional turmoil but I think for the most part I got over my "love sickness" regarding a certain person I was rather fond of that I met at the workplace. Basically I made the decision to stay away from dude. I still haven't been able to bring myself to look at his photos. Out of sight out of mind, you know? It gets exhausting thinking about all the what if I did this or that differently. Blaming myself for not saying or doing the right thing. Blaming him. Pondering if maybe we never should have gotten intimate in the first place. Of course, looming deadlines can help take ones mind off these things. Responsibilities you know? Also, I've been trying to edge back into dating but ultimately decided to step back from that because the truth is I'm just not ready. Not now. I'm probably still gonna try to be a bit more social. Like I am meeting someone today for breakfast but there are so many other things I have to focus on for me to be happy or to feel accomplished...dating or trying something like that feels like putting the carriage before the horse. I know now I'm not gonna be happy with someone until I feel like I'm bringing something to the table. My life is in a flux right now and the projects I started need my full attention. That includes giving my place a much-needed makeover. I'm gonna be off next month for my birthday and I've some ideas. Was hoping to get Sir Nathan to help me but he's been missing in action (hopefully he's okay) but theres no getting around some stuff must go into storage. Speaking of missing in action my therapist called the other day. She left a message explaining whats been going on in her life. The pregnancy was a difficult one but she's okay and back giving sessions again. In other news the Microsoft deal is actually finally happening. FTC has been asked to back off their Sony-inspired crusade by the government to try and stop the acquisition. I'm so glad and really hope Microsoft can use this victory to get back to really competing in the games industry. Just...no more stupid decisions or doing anti-consumer shit. It does seem though for every good step these companies take they eventually go and do something to mess things up. We'll see what happens next. I'm just tired of Xbox being in 3rd place. Other stuff going on is there is a lot of talk concerning reparations and rolling back of certain laws. There are certainly some things happening in society right now which should have more people alarmed but it may be so much is going on is hard to focus on things and some parties are using these "distractions" to slip things thru and nobody is really taking notice. Many people seem to have attention deficiencies or they are apathetic towards stuff. Is it simply the age we live in or is something else going on? Do I need to break out my tin foil hat?
There is this guy I connected with off the dating app who seems nice. We have actually been texting back and forth for a week. Video chat is incoming but I've come to realize this is someone I myself am not compatible with although as a person I've grown fond of him. Really I'm worried he'll want to break off things if he realizes I can't date him. Dude is looking for a husband and Igotta tell him that I recently came to understand I'm not ready to date anyone. Probably will be quite some time before I'm ready. For the sake of my well being I cannot allow myself to get attached to anyone after what I just went through. It was a nightmare. I have lost weight. I neglected my projects. Friends and family. Inside I was pretty messed up to the point all I wanted to do was stay in the house and stay in bed. Felt worthless truthfully and I know this whole thing has changed me. Lets just say I have discovered my kryptonite. Just imagine going through one of the worst things you ever experienced so why would you want to put yourself on the line like that again? Anyway thats all I'm saying about that. From now on all I want to do is move forward and one day all this will be merely a distant and unpleasant memory. So I said before that there are concerning things going on in the world right now...well months ago the writers went on strike and now the actors are too. This has effectively shut down Hollywood. I mean its happening because productions are halting and other industry professionals are joining the fight. Hollywood bigwigs are making millions and billions while the talent (just as has been a problem in the music industry) are receiving pennies. One incredibly hot actor I have the hugest crush on (Ian Verdun) made a really cool video on his instagram talking about how shitty the biz treats actors. Now there is talk of UPS workers going on strike. In the UK they are about to pass a law that will force companies to stop screwing consumers by selling us electronic shit and not allowing us the option to change the batteries. So when the battery dies you either have to go get a specialist to replace it or do what most folks do and simply upgrade. I'm starting to hear about more backlash against the LGBT community because of how some stuff is being directed towards children and folks are getting frustrated about immigrants coming here and recieving help while needs in communities here are being overlooked. Its getting crazy out here.
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