Things are starting to open up again and it feels kinda weird. I mean....theres a part of me that is worried it might be too soon. But then again theres been a lot of debate over this because so many people are out of work now and the economy has suffered. A stimulous check was sent out to help folks get back on their feet. Its $1200. Not a lot of money but to some of us it might as well be a million bucks. I got mine thru my H&R emerald card but for the most part I'm gonna just let the money sit there in my account for a rainy day. Maybe it can go towards some projects or I can invest it in a business one of my co-workers has. This is the cool cute guy I have been having a crush on. Although I have been coming to terms he and I can't ever be anything more than friends. Call it a spiritual epiphany of sorts. I did have a pretty intense dream about him but I realize it was just a fantasy playing out that's not gonna happen. We do have a lot of things in common but sexually we are not compatible. And even if we were he's just not attracted to me. So theres that. I did help him move some furniture into his new place this past weekend and that was cool because he certainly needed the help. Pretty sure he would not have been able to move that couch by himself up those stairs. It felt good to help someone though. Speaking of helping others I had another epiphany about something I have though of before actually. I think I have a gift when it comes to helping folks dealing with mental issues such as low self esteem and motivational stuff. So I would like to explore some opportunities in that filed. My head shrink feels I should certainly start looking into other job opportunities since its become clear I NEED to get out of security. Its time for a change.
I decided the other day it was time for me to start thinking about dating again too. I mean....Captain Liberia seems to be into me at times but its obvious we are not equally into each other. Maybe over time our bond kinda weakened? He rarely calls and I don't call as much. He's not the most stimulating conversationalist. I am still very much attracted to him but I think he and I are too scatterbrained at the time to focus on each other. Plus theres the whole distance thing. He did say I was welcomed to come stay there but I don't know. Perhaps if I had more money saved up you know? And getting back into dating again has been weird. Lets face it it has always been weird. I created an account for an app I basically said I was done with awhile back but its good to be at least trying to connect with someone else. Makes one feel human I guess. Thing is so many of the profiles are full of ass and dick photos or no face pics. Hidden face pics. The app is full of spam and hidden links that take you to raunchy sites when you click on things. Its so strange also that the whole site is littered with sexual imagery. Dicks, dildos and asses. I honestly hate looking at it and it saddens me that the gay community has taken such a steep nosedive. No wonder many of us don't take relationships seriously and are only about sex. For the most part I get hit on by white or Hispanic guys who I am not attracted to. It would be one thing if these were folks I thought were nice to look at or if I even had anything in common with them but the profiles are usually boring or just barebones. I swear at times it feels like I have somehow lost the ability to attract black guys too because they just don't seem to be into me at ALL. Honestly I do have some theories but I really don't understand whats going on. Women certainly notice me but I'm not into them. I was joking with that cute co-worker about one day having a girlfriend and some kids in the future. Stranger things have happened. I'm just not really into women like that though. Mostly I get the notion I am just in the wrong location or something. African dudes hit me up online quite a bit but I don't take them seriously since much of the time they start asking for money or help getting to the U.S. as if I could actually do anything. I have been invited to Africa though. Sometime next year I would like to move someplace else. I guess when I get my passport again and birth certificate (that a black man stole from me) I can consider leaving the country. I wish I could go live in Japan or someplace else exotic. If only I had the money. Speaking of money I'm starting to think about doing more film production soon and I recently had one of my artist's start back on the Gerbilla comic. You gotta play the game to win it as they say.
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