Confessions of a sad superhero Book 1

(To Tall Black Guy tribute to Roy Ayers)

$6000.00

Took me a minute to get here
so much building up
walking around
like nothing is wrong
but its all kinda like a rug with a bunch of dirt under it really.
That dirt
dust
I am gradually getting some of it out from under the rug
but the truth is
I will probably never get it all out.

I think
even though I soar at times
the valleys are low
parts of me are broken.
Some is my fault
some I blame the world for.
Bad people
coming after me with their shit.
Bad intentions
buzzing around like gnats
never too far away
mosquito-like
attempting to suck
the joy away
These
crazy folks trying to hack my life
like those who keep trying to hack my online accounts
(What exactly are they looking for (?) because I don't have any money)
Whats the point
(To make me crazy?)
Its ironic
the crazier I feel
the crazier everyone else seems.
Some kind of discerning gift?
Just like I dream so much
when others around me seem like they can't
or won't.

I'm trying to fly above all this
despite the current state of the world
damn virus everywhere
taking lives
changing everything
buses free
crazy folk everywhere
and its illegal to not wear masks in public now.
People who like you
resist liking you.
People are angry at you for having passion
and its getting so hot outside
no rain in sight.
Can't go visit your family because
you don't wanna risk getting sickness
potentially giving sickness.
The pres who lies
all the time
(and is constantly forgiven for it)
doesn't believe in science
wants to grab women by their privates
and is a scareda the NRA
backed by the KKK.

I struggle trying to make myself clean up
struggling with fatigue
wishing someone would come and massage me
yet no one comes
the phone doesn't ring
and I'm stifling these emotions
tryna accept maybe this is just the way its supposed to be.
Its a real adventure I'm living man/woman
chasing after these ambitions
watching as a part of me seems to wither away.
Feel like I gotta run away
and one day I will.
As soon as I have saved enough money.
$6000.00 is all I need.