So its Friday and here I am at the Starbucks here at The Grove. I got out of the house to go check out a movie next door again. (They let me in for free since the system was doown!) This time I went to see "The Wild Robot"featuring Nupita Nyongo from "The Black Panther" as "Roz" a robot who lands on an island populated by a bunch of critters. Raccoons,a beaver,a fox and a bear just to name a few. (Spoilers incoming!) After a series of mishaps Roz is just about to send out a distress signal so she can be retrieved by the company that made her (apparently she was accidentally sent to this island) but before that happens her signal device is stolen. This leads to a wild chase sequence as an angry bear tries to catch her. Roz in her attempt to escape ends up accidentally murdering a nesting mother goose with eggs she also destroys, all except for one which she tasks herself to raise with help from a most unlikely ally. A fox (Fink) who initially attempted to eat the egg which hatched the chick Roz names Brightbill. Roz tries to teach Brightbill how to swim and fly because the fox lets her know the time is nearing when Brightbill must become independent especially since he'll need to fly away with the other geese come winter. Overriding her programming Roz makes it her new directive to insure Brightbill is prepared for his journey. The other animals resent Roz, Brightbill and Fink but eventually they warm up to the odd trio, creating a unique family dynamic which is cemented even more when they all have to come together later to battle the organization which made Roz when they arrive to take her back to their huge futuristic factory for reprogramming and dismantling. I really like the message of finding a family in unexpected circumstances and overriding natural instincts to survive by adapting to a situation. I guess this is exactly what happens when you take an animal into your home and instead of biting you the animal eventually comes to bond with you. Maybe people do this too.
Been dreaming again. The other day I dreamt about "him" again. Mr. Ninja. The dude from my job I have kept my distance from for over a year now since I realized I was falling for a man who could never feel the same way about me for whatever reason. I suspected there was someone else. I never asked. It was just a feeling and there were all sorts of red flags. It was awkward seeing him at work sometimes and it was extremely painful to get over him but its been a year and although I can't say I don't still feel something for the guy its gotten easier for me to just go about my life pretending he doesn't exist. I suppose its easy to do this when you understand the other person had no problem walking away from you. Its weird having feelings for someone you don't want to feel anything for. Its weird that I see him everytime I see another brown skinned brother. Its weird I find myself looking for his qualities in others. Its weird he made me basically give up on relationships. How weird is it a person can come into your life and have such a strong effect on you yet have absolutely no idea. I do still find myself thinking some kind of way about Captain Africa too and we talk a bit more than usual although I keep my distance because I just don't believe he is as into me as I him. I mean there was a time when I really wanted to try and have a life with Jonathan but emotionally he is unavailable. Maybe its because he is a dad and his job takes up so much mental space or perhaps this is just how he's built. Maybe he really doesn't know how to love another man. I think alot of gay men are like this. Mentally stunted because of how so many of us are forced to live. Running from ourselves and traumatized...forced to be immature because we had to keep our feelings buried for so long. It is probably later in life that many of us are able to to function in healthy loving relationships. This may be why so many of us are Ho's. Its something though that Jonathan is actually freer now and maybe a bit more mature than he was years ago when he was living with me.
Yesterday I dreamt of a familiar Hispanic woman singing outside and I had to open a door for her. I wonder if its possible my apt manager Marie was outside singing as she cleaned up and that made its way into my dream. Sometimes music or outside stuff is picked up and enters your dreamworld during dreaming. Also in the same dream a hispanic guy was talking with me about spirits or ghosts. I don't remember much but I think we were discussing the fact some can be rambunctious. Hope I spelled that right. Eyes have been feeling tired lately. Seems to happen certain times of the year. Could be allergies.
Also dreamt of serving food at a shelter.
Things at work have been feeling a bit off lately. Some nights it does feel hard to go in and I think of quitting probably too much. With the lady waving the machete around at me the other day and yelling racial slurs and the people who keep sneaking into or hanging outside its hard not to think of all the possible things that could go wrong you know? Plus management doesn't really seem to care. Otherwise there would be a gate around the property. I know its the call of the wild I'm experiencing and the time for me to leave that place is nearing. Just gotta hold on a bit longer. Save up more money and focus on completing the projects I have in production. You see I really don't think I can go back to 9-5 after this job. I mean I could if I needed to but I think I'm done going to a place that constantly drains me and I'm tired of people always telling me what to do as if I were a child. You know.
What the hell is going on with my idols? First it was madness with Michael Jackson. Then it was Bill Cosby and R Kelly. Kevin Spacey. Actually it may have all started with OJ or was it Woody Allen? But anyway now its P Diddy. (I think thats what he calls himself now) I'm just so heartbroken now and the words of the song by Donnie and Whitney haunt me "I decided long ago never to walk in anyone's shadow...
Forida is dealing with some crazy weather right now and my stepsister Beverly is in the hospital. She had to have surgery on her leg. Something about a nerve I think. I tried to call her yesterday but right when I did the doctors came in and needed to talk with her about something so Ima call her back today wheni get back home. Need to do laundry today and deal with this smoke alarm that has been beeping ever so often these past few days efen after I replaced the 9volt battery. Damn thing cost like $18.00! The beep isn't really loud but even though its short its pretty sharp and seems ot happen like every hour.Sometimes it really does feel like its always something. Oh yeah I went to LA Comic Con and after having a talk with my cameradude we came up with some good ideas for my podcast. "Nerds With Badges" He asked me to write a review for the new Salems Lot so sometime today (when I tear myself away from Silent Hill 2 on PS5) that will be a thing. At some point I need to have a "come to Jesus" talk with the designers of my website about everything. Also I'm going through the motions with the SonsOfLEgend script. I thought it was done but new ideas just keep coming and I still need to do a major clean up on my place. Like I said before...its always something.
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