Sitting here at home and watching a documentary about Donny Hathaway. My head is full of stuff I need to get out so here I am taking advantage of this moment of clarity. I remember sometime ago when one of my supervisors threatened me with "clarity" when I questioned her about something. (I don't recall what) It does seem people put me in check or try to control me and its usually after the fact I realize what happened and then that resentment comes in. Younger people usually people not smarter than me having control over my life. Keeping me in my place. It can kinda erode your confidence and even your mental state if you're constantly in an environment like that. How many of us do truly recieve the right ammount of nurturing we need? Good question. Probably not most and then...well then you're just expected to eat it...be strong and just go about your life but just because you are sweeping the dirt under the rug don't make it disappear.
I was off work the last few days. Had...have some sores in my mouth. Its been continous since labor day actually. Made eating seem like eating glass. Seems I'm stressed out and that may be the issue. Went to Kaiser and they gave me antibiotics. I have to go back tomorrow to pick up some special mouth rinse to ease the pain. Perhaps tomorrow I will get around to washing my laundry. Its something I dread because I have to basically waste time sitting guard in the laundry room to make sure none of my wack ass neighbors sneak into there to leave me a little "gift" in my clothes. Yeah its already happened a few times over the years. Somebody is going thru alot of trouble to make sure my brain stays traumatized from the events of the past. They can't move on so they won't let me. All of this started because I asked a little girl to stop throwing a bunch of paper outside in front of the building. Its only years later I realized that this was a special needs person but for over a decade the entire family has made it their business to come after me and...the shit is weird like my own personal horror movie that keeps gettign sequels even though theres no real need for them. I've learned to focus on my art. My life. What would I gain by ending up on the 6 oclock news for losing it and going off on a bunch of losers with nothing to lose? I know from my own personal experience you can't outrun karma forever. Oneday she catches up and if you've been particularly naughty...well it won't be pretty. Evil people are on borrowed time. Like Prince said "Parties aren't meant to last forever..."
So it does feel cool to be off work. For awhile anyway. My brain and spirit needed time for a refresh. Captain Liberia called the other day. His other daughter has moved out largely due to her being preggers. I'm shocked because she like his other daughter were brought over here from misery in Liberia and their father gave them so many opportunities. I guess its safe to say many people take things for granted or don't realize what they have until after the fact. I was a dumb kid at some point in my life and made some mistakes yet some of the things these kids are doing nowadays...yikes. My mother probably would have killed me or sent me away to a special school. Actually she did. So Captain Liberia called because he says I never do. Maybe I should try harder to care more and stop being mad at what I can't control. I can't be mad you don't love me the way I want you to but I can keep my distance so my feelings won't get hurt.
So the madness of the world continues. (I really need to call my therapist) The Queen died. Abortion is mostly illegal. Theres a drought. (Thankfully fires are not so much happening now) A rapper got shot up in a Roscoes Chicken and waffles. Monkeypox is getting really serious out here and its hot here in LA. Its getting hot in other ways too. The crime is getting out of control to the point LA is getting a rep. Its like a joke now (like the homeless problem here) but shit is real. Don't wear jewelry out in public. Dress in sweats and carry maybe a card on you and a few bucks. Drive a low key car and if you are a celeb don't be here without your bodyguards. I was watching a video on youtube yesterday about some one who was vacationing and came home to find two homeless people had taken up residence in her apartment. Just the other night at work a man and a woman tried to enter the kitchen and senior area. Thankfully the kitchen door which was problematic just a week earlier had been fixed. We had a full on riot last week also and really the only peaceful night we had was Friday when it rained because the wackies stay away when its rainy or cold. So now we alre leaning towards us having to get monkeypox shots and you know I am so done with getting stuck with these new vaccines I know nothing about. Crazy folks are also getting mad about the little mermaid being played by a black actress. Yeah race and gender swapping is kinda tired at this point however I understand why companies do it. I mean its the elephant in the room. Would anyone give a damn about Super-mans straight son Jon? Would anybody give a rats ass about Miles Morales or Yara Flor if they were just "Zapp-sticky man" and "Goddess-halfling Latina with a bola"? I mean really. Come on now.
No comments:
Post a Comment