6.13.2019

At 12:00am I was barely getting set up here at work at the other post in the back when a white guy practically ran into the alley. I knew what he was gonna do so I jumped up out of my chair so I could run over open the door and yell at him to stop. Dude had already unzipped his pants and was about to pee. He went “I’m stopping I’m stopping” and “Good catch” He also mumbled something about wishing 7/11 would let him use the restroom.  It happened again with another white guy. This was around 1:45am. A homeless man this time. I barely got to him in time to stop him. These guys must have the power to unzip at super speed. Lord my life. Just gotta hang in here until I can save up enough moolah to move out of Cali.

I had to run for the bus again last night. I was waiting for a long time for the usual express bus but it never came. So when I noticed the regular route bus I had to dash across the street like a maniac and luckily the driver saw me coming and waited a few moments. She told me the express bus may have broken down or something. I think she also said she saw it behind her. This kinda weird acting black guy who was sitting near me took a plastic bottle he was drinking from and kinda crumpled it in between the seats. I guess he left it there. It amazes me how people can just litter with no concern for the environment. Earlier in the day a guy I always talk to on the bus (another guard from a different company) simply put a can of energy drink he was drinking from down on the ground and left it standing there when the bus pulled up. (Man is this A/C kicking in here. I was shocked the guard I’m rotating with complained because he always turns the thermostat down to 62 in the lobby and I turn it back up to 70) Ironically the thermostat in here is stuck at 62. I’m so glad my new long sleeve and jacket came earlier in the day. My higher power was looking out for me.

I was listening to KCRW earlier and I heard something about Donald Tramp. Er Trump trying to get executive privilege to basically protect him from any legal action I guess. Theres been a lot of drama these last few years with the democratic party trying to find evidence that Russia helped his election happen. Now all kinds of stuff is coming up about his financial dealings and he won’t reveal his tax records. Also this Mueller report came out that has some stuff in it that supposedly implicates him in some shadey dealings. Some dude was supposed to testify but he basically ignored the court summons and its all such a mess. I’m so tired of hearing about Donald Trumps scandals and Tariffs or strange things he’s doing that’s making a lot of enemies for the US. I’m bewildered he has any support at all by this point but here we are years into his presidency. Whats even more mind boggling to me is the fact he might actually win another election. I say that because….well he won the first time around which made no sense. Nothing makes sense when someone with no political background and a questionable ethics system can win over candidates who are much more qualified for the job. He has accomplished NOTHING and lies about so many things. I respected him on Apprentice but that was before I came to see how messed up he is as a person.

I went to the movies with my movie buddy again. I’m pretty much convinced he’s straight. He’s young. Cute. Funny. I guess he’s a blerd too. (A black person who is a nerd) I am trying to get comfy with that word. It brings back some painful memories from my youth. Anyway its kind of a social experiment for me. You know. Trying to see how I can be when interacting with humans. Over the last 10-15 years (maybe more) I’ve kinda turned into a hermit. A shadow of who I was. A lot of it comes from rejections. Being around fucked up individuals plus having to deal with neighbors who I am convinced are trying to turn me into a serial killer because of the crazy things they have done to me. Most things I cannot prove because they are sneaky and smart enough to avoid detection. I have had packages taken. People have spit on my door. I have had soiled panties put in the dryer with my clothes and chewing gum stuck in my door keyhole. Someone even sent the police to my house one night. These people are lucky we didn’t have video cameras in the hallways years ago. Its very likely in a perfect world of justice I’d have a hell of a lawsuit but since its just my word against theirs I have to grin and bear their presence until I can move next year. Well unless I come into money before then by a book deal or a film etc. In all my life I have seen the evil men can do to each other but these people have really taken it to a whole other level and I can’t even imagine what they would do to someone who really was a threat to them. I have merely fought to survive their shit for at least 15 years. I believe ONE female is behind all of this so that’s why in my “SonsofLegend Universe” the main villain behind everything is a woman named Oasis.

An old flame resurfaced yesterday. We went out waaaaaay back in the day. I think he’s from Belize. Nice guy and all. Probably was triggered by some new photos I put up on social media yesterday. I am not really into feeling him and I don’t think it would be a good idea to date someone else who is not at least partially a Blerd. Been there done that. Even though I looooove men from DEM ISLANDS. African. Belize. Puerto Rican. Haiti. Etc. I dunno what it is with me and American Black men. They either ignore me or just give me this look like I don’t belong or something. Is it in my mind? I was on my way to work and this black guy walked past me and gave me a cold look when I tried to acknowledge him As a defense mechanism I guess I tell myself I should know better and that I should expect hostility from brothas. So I shouldn’t be surprised when I get dissed. Then when someone could actually be trying to be friendly in their own weird way I put up walls because I’m getting mixed signals which makes me give off mixed signals. Then every now and then I read a poem or see something someone else wrote online about how dejected and unworthy they felt until they met someone who got them to believe again you know? I have been rejected by men so much I honestly believe its starting to awaken some bisexual feelings I never had before. Thing is women to me are in a sexual sense icky. Many of my heroes are women because most men are idiots but that does not mean I lay awake at night fantasizing about sleeping with them. Why do I say most men are idiots? Well how often do you hear about women going around and beating up people or being serial killers? How often have you heard of women terrorists? School shooters or rapists? How often have you heard about any woman killing some guy because he was gay? Yes guys are awesome and I owe a lot to some who have helped me or inspired me yet many of my most horrifying experiences/memories in life came about due to the actions of a dude either directly or indirectly. So whatever.  

The guy from Belize has resurfaced before. He’s looking a lot better these days too. I dunno. Theres this guy on social media who has been liking a lot of my photos lately. I think he’s hot. He has that perfect blend of ruggedness and handsomeness I like. Beautiful brown skin and he has a nice body too. He also is a father. I just have reservations about dating guys with kids because well its like if someone has a pet or a kid they have to like you. Just like friends and family of that guy have to like you.  It can be a hassle and I had some bad experiences which make me wanna date loners yet these are the types of guys who generally tend to have the most issues when it comes to being in relationships you know? I guess it couldn’t be a bad thing for me to overcome some of my social awkwardness or shyness. Sometimes I do get the feeling I’m not supposed to be this way only I let some messed up folks affect the light inside that wants to shine. That may have come across cornier than how it sounded in my mind. I am thinking of forming a movie group or a video game type of social club to help me connect with other people and fix some of my issues. The comics,videogames and artistic endeavors help but its time to crack this shell. At least alittle bit.

A couple of buddies asked me if they could crash at my place because they have fallen upon hard times. One is a dude who does art for me often. His car got towed and thats where he's been sleeping since he lost his apartment awhile back. He's been spending alot of time in coffee shops too. I was tempted to let him come stay with me. God knows I sure could use some help cleaning up my place. But right now my apartment is so cluttered because of all those months I spent in a deep depression mode I am still fighting to bounce back from. I don't know if I can stand having someone else in such close quarters. My place is small enough as it is. Someone else who lives in Detroit wanted to come stay with me. he's a rapper who I came into contact with years ago when I was looking for some music for my one of my webseries. He like my artist friend is straight so that already automatically means things will be awkward. I don't care what anyone says, It is almost always gonna be awkward being friends with a straight man. Not so much women but they can be awkward too. Dude has a temper on him too. I have observed from a distance some of the crazy situations he's gotten himself in because he posts things about his life on social media. He has a tendacy to get himself in messed up situations too. No I don't think he's a bad person. I don't even know what kinda energy he has so it would be too idealistic to just let someone you haven't been around in your space. Perhaps I can let him come visit. As long as there is a return trip ticket. Don't get me wrong a roomie could work out if I have my own room. Which I would not have in this situation. The other person is an actor who worked with me on a project I have all but banished into nothingness. I'd still like to revisit the project because I was on a mission to turn all of my published stories into short films. I got sidetracked mostly because of attempts to modernize the stories instead of just leaving them how they are. Dude got into with family members and was forced to leave. He's a gay guy. Kinda cute. A little fruity but he's cool. I feel bad for his his situation but he's got access to his gym and he is able to go back to get things from his family. I have been attracted to this guy for a minute but my "bottom sense" in his presence so theres that. Its strange that mostly the idea of having sex with anybody feels like....something that might not ever happen again. So I see people who are hot then its like in the back of my mind I'm thinking they would never wanna be with someone like me. I went all off topic. I guess that was all to say mentally I'm getting to a place where I'm starting to only really worry about how I feel about me. I'd like to get in better shape. I'd like to travel more. I'd like to get to where I'm better off financially and to a place where I am only doing what I want workwise. Most guys just seem to be morons and at best a distraction I simply can't waste energy on anymore. So having some guy around me who might kinda know I feel some kinda way but they don't....well I just don't wanna be manipulated. Ain't nobody got time for that.

The Sneaky African said he was gonna beat my butt if he comes here and this place is junky. He's planning to come in July so that gives me at least a month to get it together. I need to probably clean this carpet. I need to throw out this bed and get a couch bed. I want to get another tv. A flat screen and throw the big box tv out or give it away. That way when I have guests over we won't be crowded around my small flat screen. I think its about 25inches. One of my actors who I went to the movies with recently wants to come over and I have been basically stalling because I don't want anyone over here to see how it looks now. Its kinda hard for me to throw stuff away and storage costs might be high but storage would be the quick and easy way to get some of this stuff out of here. Don't wanna just start throwing away things you know? They say if you haven't worn something in 6 months you should toss it. I have two more days of vacation left so maybe I can fill a couple of trash bags with undesirables and decide whether to donate or throw them out. Been putting this shit off too long. Could ask one of the guys to come stay here a few days and then instead of asking them for money I can request their help in moving some things around. It was hard not letting them come the other night and I felt bad advising my artist dude he could find refuge in Denny's or on late night trains or buses. You know its hard to get people to leave at times once you let them in right? Thats what I'm worried about. I've had some bad roommate situations. Just don't want no mess. So if I do do this brief thing I need to let people know there is a clear time to go because my manager would be pissed if I let someone stay longer than 2 weeks. Ain't nobody else's name going on my rental agreement. I did it with The Sneaky African because he was a gem. Most other people are NOT a joy to live with or to be around. I gotta think more on this shit. Damn.

Rantings and thingamagigs.

Yesterday in the morning when I got off work I walked across the street like I usually do to catch the bus and had an encounter with a homeless out of his mind individual who started kicking things over as I talked with a fellow security officer. For like the past year I have been Uber or Lyft reliant because I got tired of dealing with nutcases on the train or bus. But of course you can’t really escape from them as they seem to be everywhere. LA has a biiiiig homeless problem and its even crazier when you consider many of these people might actually be a danger. Months ago a guy walked over to a 5 year old kid in The Mall of America and simply tossed him off the balcony. Last night while riding the bus to work this guy stumbled on the bus and then after sorta pleading with the driver to allow him to ride free he went about talking in a kinda loud alarming fashion. He actually seemed to be directing his energy at me so after a few minutes I got up and moved because I just didn’t want any of that negative energy to get on me. He goes “Yeah go ahead and move you so and so” to which I replied “Yeah that’s exactly what I’m gonna do because you CRAZY!” His response? “Born this way” Someone in the back of the bus started saying crazy stuff and I think the crazy guy figured it was me because he never looked back to see where it was coming from but for a moment until he got off I thought I might actually have to fight this guy.  Then I get here at work and this transgendered prostitute was trying to come use back alley to change. I told her no and she yelled “SO FUCKING RUDE!”. The same prostitute came around to the front claiming to live here but thankfully the other guard didn’t let her in.  Later a client who stayed out past curfew was irate because we wouldn’t let her in. I started getting a slight headache and had to take an exceddrin before it got worse. Friday can’t get here fast enough.

I was on facebook earlier today and this message popped up from some guy asking me to delete his page. That feeling inside told me to just delete him and move on but I responded saying I don’t know you and who are you? Then he said he didn’t associate with lame phony people. I got kinda pissed and blocked him with a report to facebook. The whole thing was so weird how it just literally came out of nowhere and changed my energy. It was a wake up call that I need to give a wide berth to social media. I think I have an idea of who the person might have been. It could be someone I have to come into contact with in my daily life or it could be one of these fake profiles from Africa. It could even be a disgruntled person who worked with me on one of my productions. (Yeah I am mindful there are some people out there who definitely do NOT like me) I cut someone off earlier because they wouldn’t do a face chat which is a red flag to me. Like what have you got to hide? Are you someone else? Are you a woman pretending to be a guy and you have all these attractive photos you stole from someone posted on your profile that are supposed to be you? The world is full of crazy angry people anxious to spread that negativity around. I guess it makes them feel good. I try to be careful when I write stuff these days because I don’t want everything I create to be a reaction from something stupid someone did to me. I just don’t want all my art coming from a bad place. What if someone purposely did something to piss me off then they go on my blog or facebook to get a kick out of getting to me? (Call me paranoid but I have no idea who reads my shit. It might shock me if I knew though!) I can’t let people make me out to be who they want me to be. I think I have wasted so much of my life doing that. Its just a trip people put so much energy into trying to tear someone down as if we didn’t already have enough shit going on in our lives to deal with.  Bottom line I people will come for you. No matter who you are. I guess we just have to be fiercely protective of our energy as well as who we allow in our space. I really do enjoy people some of the time (I swear) but if I had enough money I would probably live somewhere far from them. 

Getting the Sasquatch script done has been a struggle but it has finally been completed. It clocks in at 40 pages. Theres a lot of special effects which is something that the director wants to work on in a re-write while also making sure the script is at industry format. The plan is to do four episodes and then a short film and then finally a bigger full length project that will tie together all my webseries. The script is actually pretty damned good. It could actually work as a kick ass short film. It would certainly be great if I had some investors but I’m scared to go down that road again. I can’t have someone else come along and turn my project into what they think it should be to the point it barely resembles anything I created. Then comes the question of if you liked my work so much why the hell did you alter it so much? People be having their own agendas. They see you have something (a crew,actors,resources) then they wanna jump on board and TAKE OVER so they can steer the project towards their own interests. I am gonna be open minded about changes being made to cut costs but if I feel its too far from what I created I won’t go along with it. I was able to cast Sasquatch himself yesterday. He’s a very handsome muscular Latino actor who has just that right iconic and unique look/style. There are actually two Sasquatch characters in my universe but I won’t have to worry about casting him for quite some time.  I cast Harthley who is kinda my characters love interest. The actor has the right look but he has an aggressive type personality. Sorta like he’s had a rough life and doesn’t really like or trust people. (Sounds familiar) Seems to be a loner type and it might be difficult working with him. But out of all the actors here in LA he was the only one who seemed dedicated enough to take on the role so….well theres that. Which means a lot. Harthley is actually supposed to be a very laid back and friendly kind of guy. I just don’t want him to come across as being mean so me and the director understand we have to sit down and talk with this guy to make sure he can BE HARTHLEY. The director has more faith than me. When I met dude he just seemed a lot cooler and friendlier. I have to have chemistry onscreen with him and I guess I’m just concerned it might not translate and that’s not saying he’s not good. Maybe I’m thinking too much about this. Truth is I am gonna need to take some training as far as acting goes so I won’t look hokey compared to the other talent. Something else for me to spend money on huh? Who knows….maybe I will get bit by the acting bug. Still its not like I don’t know actors who can work with me. Something I have heard on the radio or somewhere recently was about a particular method that actors like Robert De Niro utilize for their craft. That interests me for some reason. What if I’m the next big thing in acting? A diamond in the rough. Wouldn’t that be a trip?

The Sneaky African says he wants to come visit in July. I might go see him in August. Maybe this month. I sure need a break from LA. Jonathan is the only person who has consistently showed an interest in me. I have always felt that man (if he existed) would be from another country you know? The distance thing has been an issue of course and he’s always ragging on me about not wanting to leave Cali. I do wanna leave Cali. I just don’t wanna do it BROKETH. I figure if I can save up about 10 grand that will be a nice little nest egg. Honestly theres really nothing holding me here. No one in Cali has shown any romantic interest in me for years. So that’s out. And sure this is a cool job with excellent benefits yet I have been feeling like I don’t belong here for awhile now so its time to start planning on leaving. My goal is to stay till Feb 2020. So I am gonna have to make some sacrifices. Maybe my internet? That’s $50 a month I could save. Been thinking about my phone too since people really don’t call me. That’s an extra $30 I could do without. One guy I know stayed in a shelter for a year to save up moolah. There are a couple of dudes who asked if they could stay with me till they get back on their feet. Its tempting but my place is so small and cluttered at the moment. Been considering doing some type of video game parties to raise moolah. How will that affect my filming/projects if I cut back on spending? These are things I am gonna have to think hard on over the next 8 months. In the meantime I'm gonna take it one day at a time. Saw Godzilla and Brightburn (more on that later) over the last few weeks. This weekend its E3. Maybe a buddy can get me in....

APR 24-25^{th 2019} 

I’m still here working in the old lgbt youth building on highland. I suppose we will only be here for a few more days (if that long) before we’re completely moved into the new building. Its quiet and peaceful here with no people around to bother me. Or to look over my shoulder to see what I’m doing. Its all good. Sometimes alittle solitude isn’t a bad thing you know.  I will likely be transferred over into the new building a block away next week when I come back from my vacation. Its been a weird last few days for me so I can use the time to wallow in my thoughts. First off I had a rehearsal scheduled for Monday and one of the two actors decided to literally cancel on me at the last moment. I got a text like five minutes after the hour saying….

“Hey Sergio, sorry for the bother and late contact, just finishing on set, I’m seeing that it would be best for everyone to recast my role. Apologizes but my time and scheduling seem to keep being a conflict”

Now keep in mind I paid to rent out the space. I paid him and the other actor (who did show up but I sent him home) in advance. I picked up some snacks and water. The DP I just hired was there too. So we’re all sitting around trying to decide what to do because we couldn’t really rehearse without a second actor. I can see from now on I need to have back-up actors onsite and maybe it might be a good idea to have folks sign contracts.  This is so weird to me because I have been having trouble casting this role of “Harthley” who is kind of a love interest for my character. In some cases the people flake at the last minute or they act as if they didn’t even know it was a gay or bi role. Sometimes I wonder if its just because I’m not really attractive to the person for whatever reason so they don’t wanna do the romantic scenes with me. Some probably don't wanna bother because they see I'm not some mega rich movie mogul (yet). People have told me to make sure and remember these flakes in case they ever resurface and when I tell my associates what happened they sometimes ask me the names of the individuals. (Its a small world out there so whos to say karma won't use someone you hurt to block your progress in the future?) Then theres a part of me that wonders if someone out there is deliberately trying to sabotage my productions. I know I have enemies out there so it could be possible. Who knows. It would be interesting to find out if other minority productions with lgbt content are facing the same types of troubles. Call me paranoid but I just keep feeling something is going on behind the scenes. This has just happened too many times to be a mere coincidence/circumstance. It would certainly explain why no one else is out there trying to do anything quite like what I’m doing.  Someone could be fucking things up to prevent them from progressing or attempting to steer them in a certain direction. I don’t like this idea of anyone trying to manipulate me or control my life. Its hard enough out here without people putting up walls you know? So anyway I recast the role but I’m feeling apprehensive. The guy certainly is a character with an interesting background (He used to work for the FBI and is ex military which means he probably has investigated the backgrounds of everyone in my family by now!) yet he comes across as VERY aggressive at times. As if he doesn’t trust me. My spidey sense is telling me to give him another role because he might be difficult to work with. Also “Harthley” is actually more of a laid back individual. Its strange to say this but I think I might seriously need to find someone to date then cast them as “Harthley” because that way it won’t be weird being in any intimate scenes together and plus the natural chemistry will be there. I have had success working with dudes on film projects when we had something going on offscreen. Montezilla. The Sneaky African. Kevin. Montezilla told me he was more into white guys and Latinos. Kevin later told me he regretted pushing me away but he was mostly keeping an eye on what else was out there. The Sneaky African moved away and his life just got too busy to seriously date anyone. We still talk and obviously care a lot for each other but the thing is that he lives way over yonder in North Dakota. If I could afford it I would fly there more often to see him. Moving there? Not quite sure but I am sooooooo ret to leave Cali. So ready.

Came in to work Monday after my “rehearsal” (which actually turned into a much needed meeting regarding production) and discovered someone had taken my I love NY Disney mug I bought at the Disney store in Times Square probably about 15 years ago. I was so pissed because I’d forgotten it and left it here at the security desk Saturday when I left to go home in the morning. Now this is not the first time I have had something taken and it just sickens me to think I work with people who will smile in my face then behind my back they’d take something they know is obviously mine or left for me with my name on it even. I went on Ebay to order another one because I was so pissed. I’m even more pissed at much it cost. It would be ironic if the mug I ordered was actually mine. The dealer only had one left and I was unable to find anymore online like it. Ugh. So pertaining to my upcoming production of “Sasquatch and the mythology sisterhood” we are gonna shoot a couple of cool scenes on Saturday. Theres some special effects work that’s gonna be trick so that’s largely why I decided to spend the day focusing on those shots entirely. Dude named Scott is in his apartment working out then he showers and gets dressed partially using his psionic abilities. I had to order a special greenscreen type suit because that will give us a lot more freedom in the scene plus it won’t look like cheap ass. I will wear the suit and then have to put dudes clothes on (that might be kinda hot!) then the DP will digitally remove me and it’ll look like the clothes are floating over and putting themselves on dude via telekinesis. I am thinking of adding something else to the scene but its gonna be pushing it (probably). I wanted to shoot a fight in the place between dude and his brother as they go at it with their paranormal abilities but Damonzilla said he didn’t want a fight scene shot in his place so maybe I can tone it down into more of an argument. But its gotta be something that won’t be boring. I have an actor for the role so I will talk to him tomorrow after I let the DP and Damonzilla know (he’s helping with directing duties). There are also a couple more actors interested in the Harthley roles who I may use in some other capacity unless I decide to switch around Mr. Aggro. Yes he is VERY serious and matter of fact. He actually reminds me of a guy I used to have a crush on who rooms with a good friend of mine.

And now the news…. Well another bombing type situation happened the other day in Sri Lanka. This was supposedly in retaliation to Australia bombings on a muslim church. So basically we have radical folks who felt the only way to get justice was to kill a bunch of other people. Innocent people of course. All in the name of religion. Then the other day a guy threw a kid off a balcony in the mall of America. Just walked over and grabbed the kid and threw him. All because he “wanted to kill somebody” Just when I thought the world couldn’t get any crazier. Things with Jusssie Smollet have kinda quieted down but it seems the city of Chicago wants to sue him over all the money that was spent on court costs and investigations. Meanwhile it appears there may be a move to impeach Tramp….er Trump. Not sure how that’s gonna play out. He’s basically gotten away with everything he’s said or done so far and it seems the public just doesn’t care to get rid of him because if they did he’d be out of there already. I didn’t think he would win the presidency but he did which only reaffirms how insane the world we live in has gotten. They wanna change the census now to ask how long have you been in this country. Theres so much focus on immigration and I’m not saying it isn’t a problem but there are so many other things we need to be concentrating on. This crazy weather is one of them. One minute its cold then the next its 80 degrees outside and I’m being tortured by allergies I never had before. Coachella happened and I didn’t go. Kanye West did some weird church shit that had a lot of folks scratching their collective heads. So that happened. Kanye West is so damn sexy but he just keeps doing and saying strange stuff and I’m really starting to worry just what is going on with him. Really. I think that’s about all I wanna talk about for now. I gotta get back to figuring out how Saturdays film shoot is gonna unfold. It is exciting to be getting back into my connected universe. The plan is to shoot four episodes of this new webseries then transition into doing a full length film project to be completed by next year. The DP mentioned getting some new storyboards done so I need to see whats up with that sense I already spent moolah on story boards. Whatever.

I had to change camera men for the upcoming shoot date for "Sasquatch and the mythology sisterhood". Dude had an accident with his camera and other stuff kept popping up which made scheduling difficult. Add to that I was still not happy with the script. Only just the other day did I finally complete a draft I was satisfied with. But we lost actors. Good talent....because we had to keep changing dates. I hired a new guy just yesterday but I may need to get another director if I'm gonna keep the budget low. I have a cool lady who I wanna work with. Her name is Jessica and she's worked with me before. Thing is she's a bit on the high side and the reality is I probably can't afford her. Good news is that I finally seem to have found my leading man. Its weird because he seems to be having some apprehension about the part. I met with him this week to talk about the script and to let him know I am just as nervous as he is about doing any type of romantic stuff. In a perfect world I'd just use someone I'm dating which is what I have done before. Its just easier you know to do love scenes with someone you dig as opposed to some stranger. As it is my character may simply not have a love interest. Just because he's an lgbt character doesn't mean he needs a love interest. I can always write those types of situations featuring other characters. We know Goyangee is moMaybe westly gay anyway and don't need to see him knocking boots or playing the kissing game onscreen. I can save that for the books, animation or videogame projects etc. It is kinda gross to imagine kissing someone else and not knowing where their mouth has been. a lot of people are nasty not even gonna lie. Sometimes I think about getting someone else to play Goyangee. Maybe if I got some hot guy to play me it would be easier to cast a love interest for Goyangee?

I was really struggling with the script until the other day a LYFT driver gave me an idea. He said I should put in a currently hot topic like immigration. So I thought about an incident I witnessed many years ago in Hollywood where some people involved in a car accident fled the scene. I took that and turned it into a supernatural type event which was originally gonna be one of those heroes saving people scenes. I'm so glad that while I was trying to get the script down and looking for my actors I had the incentive to get some storyboards and comic art done. Something to raise morale and keep everyone involved in the project motivated. I put out a solid date for the shoot and I'm to meet with the DP this coming Sunday. Maybe we can go look at some locations. I'd like to film one scene by the train station near my apartment building. A couple of my SinsofLegend actors have been trying to get me to use their residences for scenes. Thing is they are kinda far truthfully so it might not work out.

Speaking of work I have been having some issues with a couple of the guys at the job. I can't wait till we move into the new building so I can get away from some of these two faced individuals. Folks like to say somethings wrong with me but seriously the more I observe some of these folks the more convinced I am that medical experts would be stumped if they could take a peek into their thought processes. Things folks like to keep secret because they know they'd be committed if people knew what goes through their minds. I try to stay focused on my art and keeping my bills paid yet these fools keep coming for me and it makes absolutely no sense. I had to report a guy yesterday because of his outrageous behavior towards me especially when other people are around. The LYFT driver who picked me up from work yesterday said some people just have demons in them or they are in fact demons. I'd be a fool if I sat around plotting to hurt someone and scheming for an opportunity to take my anger out on someone. Even doing stuff like that on impulse is something thats an alien concept for me yet it seems common for many people. It just feels....beneath me. Someone spit on my door recently. I've no idea who did it. Could be the people from Bangladesh on my floor. Then theres the people who live over me who stomp and drop heavy things all the time. People watch me. Copy me sometimes. Thats weird to me. I had to take a break from a dude who used to play games with me on Xbox live. He flat out admitted he would pick the powerful characters and kick my ass repeatedly with them just so he could hear me complain then he got pissed and said "I'm disconnecting my mic because I don't wanna hear it anymore!"  I still haven't decided if I should unfriend him because we will likely never play any games together again. I don't think I know anyone else with such a closed mind. Why do I need folks like that in my life? Then theres these guys from Africa who keep hitting me up on Facebook attempting to get money from me. I told them many black folks over here are one pay check away from the streets yet for some reason they don't seem to believe me. I think oneday I'd like to move to Africa because it certainly appears only African guys want me. Seriously. But I can't leave the country until I replace the passport that mother fucker stole from me last year in Detroit forever tainting the place that was my home away from home. I love black men but they seem to be the ones who cost me the most. (Sigh) Maybe it would make for some good stories if Goyangee's love life (or lack of it) became an element of the webseries. Why is it that the so called heroes seem to be the people who spend their existence dancing around love? Why is it so entertaining to watch heroes struggle with this? Do the gods find it entertaining watching so many of us struggle going after something that is probably never gonna happen? That is so damn twisted. Even Superman has a love life thats not so super.

Been doing quite a bit of dreaming lately. So much in fact I've not been able to keep up in my dream Journal. Recently had my first flying dream for a good while. Some people think dreams are how we work things out in our lives. Others think theres some supernatural forces trying to communicate with us. Stephen King said he gets some of his stories from dreams and I have thought about trying that. Maybe a couple of times I have used dream elements. Would be something if some of the solutions to script issues I've had were hidden away in dreams. My novel that I've been working on since last year involves a dragon who uses teddy bears to invade childrens dreams to suck their lifeforce out. Yes I'm serious. I have always planned to bring my connected webseries characters together into one big epic battle. Since I lost the rights to "Daughters" its been a struggle trying to figure out a way to substitute another fragment of the puzzle. "Sasquatch and the Mythology Sisterhood" was my answer and if I must say so its a much better idea than "Daughters" was. Certainly more interesting than what I saw at a recent screening but anyway.... I think the big baddie I've been searching for who will bring together all my webseries characters could (in some capacity at least) be the dream dragon creature. More than likely it'll be his BOSS....

So Monday came and went. Its technically still here for me I guess. Since you know I came in at 10pm to work and now still counts as Monday I think. Yesterday was cool. I got up and wasn't sneezing non stop for like the usual 30 minutes but I gotta try and go back to Kaiser because I'm almost out of the allergy meds they gave me. I did my laundry and shaved. Got harrassed again by my neighbors from Bangladesh. Its apparent to me that after almost 20 years of coming for me these people just have nothing else better to do than try and turn me into some sort of serial killer. I noticed someone had spit on my door. Something I haven't seen in some years. Then they raised the bar by watching me from their partly ajar door as I went out and came in from doing my laundry. And also while I watched tv they rapped on the wall as they often would do in the past to try and annoy me while I was having phone conversations. Donald Trump often has bad things to say about people who come here from other countries and cause problems well these people are the stereotype that he is talking about. I have been under near constant mental seige for years and even though I complained nothing happened and it only seemed to make them try and get to me even more. Sometimes I feel like they are punishing me for being black and gay and for actually surviving in this crazy world. I guess they want attention from me and I don't understand how you can put so much time into trying to hurt someone for almost 20 years. I try to ignore them because I know eventually karma will catch up with them. I can look at them and see they are not happy people. Things will get worse as long as they keep putting out evil. I'll hopefully be able to move and completely forget about them by this time next year. It'll be something to be able to come and go without being watched and feeling that negative energy everyday.

When I checked my mail I was in for a pleasant surprise. Detroit came through with a small yet much appreciated check to help compensate me for last years theft of my things on that fateful birthday trip. I put it to good use. Went down to Target and got me a VR for my PS4. I'd gone down to Gamestop Saturday to look at the VR but decided not to get it because I needed to do other more important things with my money. I figure sometimes its nice to treat oneself. In all honesty I think the next videogame purchase I'll make will be a next gen console sometime next year. I just have so many games to finish and it makes no sense to buy anymore at this point. Thankfully the VR came with a couple of games plus theres plenty of free VR games and demos on the Playstation store. Sony is really pushing this VR thing hard. They better make it backwards compatible for the next machine or I will look at them side eyed. Theres really no excuse for not doing BC on games now. Nintendo needs to work on that shit too.

Seems I'm gonna need to recast some of my actors for the new SOL project. Because of all the trouble I've had casting gay or Bi characters I'm leaning heavily to just not putting alot of thought into bringing in more lgbt folks. When it comes to casting I get more of the fem type or just guys who don't fit the look I'm going for. Also many of these guys are so fucking flakey. They say one thing and then do the opposite. You say you have no problem doing a gay or bi role then you do shadey shit like not return calls or texts. Just tell me you're not interested and save us both the time. STOP trying to sabotage my production. Like Tamar used to say "Get yo life" And speaking of film stuff somebody has been making some threats of lawsuits and kinda giving me grief about paying them even though I'm no longer involved in said project. I have actually been making payments for awhile because I'd agreed to before leaving the project. How can you continue to expect payment from someone who isn't involved in the production anymore? I thought I'd closed the door on that dark chapter of my life yet it still continues to come back and haunt me and stress me out.

Been meeting a bunch of guys on Facebook recently. Most of them are from Africa. I had to cut a few off because they asked for money. Why do people think people here in the US are loaded when so many of us are one pay check away from the street? Its so bad I don't even trust people once I see they are from Nigeria or Ghana. One would assume because these guys look a certain way (handsome as a mofo with muscles and masculinity for days plus a killer smile that melts ice caps) they are accustomed to people basically bowing down and catering to their every whim. When I don't behave that way they act oblivious even though I can smell the manipulative pheremones seeping thru my webcam. Then they do little things like let the camera kinda wander down to body parts during the conversation. One guy acted incredulous when  I told him I was weary of trusting fellaz from over yonder. But his wicked smile is still in my mind. He actually asked me for 500 dollars yesterday and I told him off. Someone I sorta grew up with asked me for money over the weekend and it kinda sent me reeling. How you gonna just up and ask me for anything when you haven't even bothered to be a part of my life and probably think my gayness or bisexuality is some form of demonic possession? Sometimes I get so sick of people and their shit. Just trying to survive in a crazy world where fanatics crash planes into buildings or walk into churches shooting just to make a point then you gotta put up with shenanigans from folks trying to manipulate you or defecate all over your proverbial microphone or stage that is your life. Thank the gods we have videogames,comics,movies,music and our hobbies our sports or other things to help us take a break from reality. My observation is some people don't have healthy outlets so what they do is let off that negative energy by infecting someone else with it. Maybe this is what true evil is then. A virus?

I'm on vacation and stuck in LA because I actually forgot this was rent week. Ugh. Anyway its all good. I have time to relax and clean up around here and figure out what I'm going to do with my life at this point. We were supposed to film on the 16th but my camera guy had an accident on set so his camera is broke. Thats likely gonna push things back. I wanted to get started with my writing partner on my novel but I had to push that back after looking at the state of my finances. Actually the more I think about it the less convinced I am that I need a writing partner. Its gonna cost me alot to pay which is money that can go towards my film production. Work on my comics is still ongoing. Just gotta get my work out there in front of someone who can help me do something with it. Been dealing with some sort of depression shit too. Some of it is over what happened with Daughters of Legend and although I'm getting back to myself I worry this shit is taking too long. Also there are times...moments really where it hurts so much being single. Theres this deep feeling something is wrong with me and only when I am successful in my career Sergio will have something of substance to offer anyone which is weird because there are people way more fucked up than I am with a whole lot less who are happy in relationships. Dealing with the regular stuff....life demons....life drama....its a bit much at times then you have to add to the mix crazy co-workers. Last week a lady from another department told me she left cake with another guard and that I was welcome to some as well. When I went over to ask the guard his response was a nasty evil "She didn't tell me I had to share with you" I just turned around and went back to my desk on the other side. This guy used to be pretty cool with me and I guess I basically ignored all the other people who warned me about him. Now I know. But it just hurt so much someone I work with would go so far to get in a jab at me. Its not the first time. I made a point to start documenting stuff so people wouldn't think I'm crazy. He picked the perfect job because he works at night and because he has social issues he can get away with behavior unacceptable in a day setting. Also he doesn't have to change because people likely won't investigate him and it really is my word against his as I can't prove anything. Someone told me karma will get this guy. That sounds good and all but anyway....I just gotta get out of this 9-5 biz and away from crazy petty people. How great it would be to sign my own checks and not to have to deal with idiots. I'd like to be surrounded by other artists and smart people I can learn from. Tired of being around people doing nothing and acting out against me because I actually have ambition.

Rant over. I guess.