A couple of buddies asked me if they could crash at my place because they have fallen upon hard times. One is a dude who does art for me often. His car got towed and thats where he's been sleeping since he lost his apartment awhile back. He's been spending alot of time in coffee shops too. I was tempted to let him come stay with me. God knows I sure could use some help cleaning up my place. But right now my apartment is so cluttered because of all those months I spent in a deep depression mode I am still fighting to bounce back from. I don't know if I can stand having someone else in such close quarters. My place is small enough as it is. Someone else who lives in Detroit wanted to come stay with me. he's a rapper who I came into contact with years ago when I was looking for some music for my one of my webseries. He like my artist friend is straight so that already automatically means things will be awkward. I don't care what anyone says, It is almost always gonna be awkward being friends with a straight man. Not so much women but they can be awkward too. Dude has a temper on him too. I have observed from a distance some of the crazy situations he's gotten himself in because he posts things about his life on social media. He has a tendacy to get himself in messed up situations too. No I don't think he's a bad person. I don't even know what kinda energy he has so it would be too idealistic to just let someone you haven't been around in your space. Perhaps I can let him come visit. As long as there is a return trip ticket. Don't get me wrong a roomie could work out if I have my own room. Which I would not have in this situation. The other person is an actor who worked with me on a project I have all but banished into nothingness. I'd still like to revisit the project because I was on a mission to turn all of my published stories into short films. I got sidetracked mostly because of attempts to modernize the stories instead of just leaving them how they are. Dude got into with family members and was forced to leave. He's a gay guy. Kinda cute. A little fruity but he's cool. I feel bad for his his situation but he's got access to his gym and he is able to go back to get things from his family. I have been attracted to this guy for a minute but my "bottom sense" in his presence so theres that. Its strange that mostly the idea of having sex with anybody feels like....something that might not ever happen again. So I see people who are hot then its like in the back of my mind I'm thinking they would never wanna be with someone like me. I went all off topic. I guess that was all to say mentally I'm getting to a place where I'm starting to only really worry about how I feel about me. I'd like to get in better shape. I'd like to travel more. I'd like to get to where I'm better off financially and to a place where I am only doing what I want workwise. Most guys just seem to be morons and at best a distraction I simply can't waste energy on anymore. So having some guy around me who might kinda know I feel some kinda way but they don't....well I just don't wanna be manipulated. Ain't nobody got time for that.

The Sneaky African said he was gonna beat my butt if he comes here and this place is junky. He's planning to come in July so that gives me at least a month to get it together. I need to probably clean this carpet. I need to throw out this bed and get a couch bed. I want to get another tv. A flat screen and throw the big box tv out or give it away. That way when I have guests over we won't be crowded around my small flat screen. I think its about 25inches. One of my actors who I went to the movies with recently wants to come over and I have been basically stalling because I don't want anyone over here to see how it looks now. Its kinda hard for me to throw stuff away and storage costs might be high but storage would be the quick and easy way to get some of this stuff out of here. Don't wanna just start throwing away things you know? They say if you haven't worn something in 6 months you should toss it. I have two more days of vacation left so maybe I can fill a couple of trash bags with undesirables and decide whether to donate or throw them out. Been putting this shit off too long. Could ask one of the guys to come stay here a few days and then instead of asking them for money I can request their help in moving some things around. It was hard not letting them come the other night and I felt bad advising my artist dude he could find refuge in Denny's or on late night trains or buses. You know its hard to get people to leave at times once you let them in right? Thats what I'm worried about. I've had some bad roommate situations. Just don't want no mess. So if I do do this brief thing I need to let people know there is a clear time to go because my manager would be pissed if I let someone stay longer than 2 weeks. Ain't nobody else's name going on my rental agreement. I did it with The Sneaky African because he was a gem. Most other people are NOT a joy to live with or to be around. I gotta think more on this shit. Damn.