6.13.2019

At 12:00am I was barely getting set up here at work at the other post in the back when a white guy practically ran into the alley. I knew what he was gonna do so I jumped up out of my chair so I could run over open the door and yell at him to stop. Dude had already unzipped his pants and was about to pee. He went “I’m stopping I’m stopping” and “Good catch” He also mumbled something about wishing 7/11 would let him use the restroom.  It happened again with another white guy. This was around 1:45am. A homeless man this time. I barely got to him in time to stop him. These guys must have the power to unzip at super speed. Lord my life. Just gotta hang in here until I can save up enough moolah to move out of Cali.

I had to run for the bus again last night. I was waiting for a long time for the usual express bus but it never came. So when I noticed the regular route bus I had to dash across the street like a maniac and luckily the driver saw me coming and waited a few moments. She told me the express bus may have broken down or something. I think she also said she saw it behind her. This kinda weird acting black guy who was sitting near me took a plastic bottle he was drinking from and kinda crumpled it in between the seats. I guess he left it there. It amazes me how people can just litter with no concern for the environment. Earlier in the day a guy I always talk to on the bus (another guard from a different company) simply put a can of energy drink he was drinking from down on the ground and left it standing there when the bus pulled up. (Man is this A/C kicking in here. I was shocked the guard I’m rotating with complained because he always turns the thermostat down to 62 in the lobby and I turn it back up to 70) Ironically the thermostat in here is stuck at 62. I’m so glad my new long sleeve and jacket came earlier in the day. My higher power was looking out for me.

I was listening to KCRW earlier and I heard something about Donald Tramp. Er Trump trying to get executive privilege to basically protect him from any legal action I guess. Theres been a lot of drama these last few years with the democratic party trying to find evidence that Russia helped his election happen. Now all kinds of stuff is coming up about his financial dealings and he won’t reveal his tax records. Also this Mueller report came out that has some stuff in it that supposedly implicates him in some shadey dealings. Some dude was supposed to testify but he basically ignored the court summons and its all such a mess. I’m so tired of hearing about Donald Trumps scandals and Tariffs or strange things he’s doing that’s making a lot of enemies for the US. I’m bewildered he has any support at all by this point but here we are years into his presidency. Whats even more mind boggling to me is the fact he might actually win another election. I say that because….well he won the first time around which made no sense. Nothing makes sense when someone with no political background and a questionable ethics system can win over candidates who are much more qualified for the job. He has accomplished NOTHING and lies about so many things. I respected him on Apprentice but that was before I came to see how messed up he is as a person.

I went to the movies with my movie buddy again. I’m pretty much convinced he’s straight. He’s young. Cute. Funny. I guess he’s a blerd too. (A black person who is a nerd) I am trying to get comfy with that word. It brings back some painful memories from my youth. Anyway its kind of a social experiment for me. You know. Trying to see how I can be when interacting with humans. Over the last 10-15 years (maybe more) I’ve kinda turned into a hermit. A shadow of who I was. A lot of it comes from rejections. Being around fucked up individuals plus having to deal with neighbors who I am convinced are trying to turn me into a serial killer because of the crazy things they have done to me. Most things I cannot prove because they are sneaky and smart enough to avoid detection. I have had packages taken. People have spit on my door. I have had soiled panties put in the dryer with my clothes and chewing gum stuck in my door keyhole. Someone even sent the police to my house one night. These people are lucky we didn’t have video cameras in the hallways years ago. Its very likely in a perfect world of justice I’d have a hell of a lawsuit but since its just my word against theirs I have to grin and bear their presence until I can move next year. Well unless I come into money before then by a book deal or a film etc. In all my life I have seen the evil men can do to each other but these people have really taken it to a whole other level and I can’t even imagine what they would do to someone who really was a threat to them. I have merely fought to survive their shit for at least 15 years. I believe ONE female is behind all of this so that’s why in my “SonsofLegend Universe” the main villain behind everything is a woman named Oasis.

An old flame resurfaced yesterday. We went out waaaaaay back in the day. I think he’s from Belize. Nice guy and all. Probably was triggered by some new photos I put up on social media yesterday. I am not really into feeling him and I don’t think it would be a good idea to date someone else who is not at least partially a Blerd. Been there done that. Even though I looooove men from DEM ISLANDS. African. Belize. Puerto Rican. Haiti. Etc. I dunno what it is with me and American Black men. They either ignore me or just give me this look like I don’t belong or something. Is it in my mind? I was on my way to work and this black guy walked past me and gave me a cold look when I tried to acknowledge him As a defense mechanism I guess I tell myself I should know better and that I should expect hostility from brothas. So I shouldn’t be surprised when I get dissed. Then when someone could actually be trying to be friendly in their own weird way I put up walls because I’m getting mixed signals which makes me give off mixed signals. Then every now and then I read a poem or see something someone else wrote online about how dejected and unworthy they felt until they met someone who got them to believe again you know? I have been rejected by men so much I honestly believe its starting to awaken some bisexual feelings I never had before. Thing is women to me are in a sexual sense icky. Many of my heroes are women because most men are idiots but that does not mean I lay awake at night fantasizing about sleeping with them. Why do I say most men are idiots? Well how often do you hear about women going around and beating up people or being serial killers? How often have you heard of women terrorists? School shooters or rapists? How often have you heard about any woman killing some guy because he was gay? Yes guys are awesome and I owe a lot to some who have helped me or inspired me yet many of my most horrifying experiences/memories in life came about due to the actions of a dude either directly or indirectly. So whatever.  

The guy from Belize has resurfaced before. He’s looking a lot better these days too. I dunno. Theres this guy on social media who has been liking a lot of my photos lately. I think he’s hot. He has that perfect blend of ruggedness and handsomeness I like. Beautiful brown skin and he has a nice body too. He also is a father. I just have reservations about dating guys with kids because well its like if someone has a pet or a kid they have to like you. Just like friends and family of that guy have to like you.  It can be a hassle and I had some bad experiences which make me wanna date loners yet these are the types of guys who generally tend to have the most issues when it comes to being in relationships you know? I guess it couldn’t be a bad thing for me to overcome some of my social awkwardness or shyness. Sometimes I do get the feeling I’m not supposed to be this way only I let some messed up folks affect the light inside that wants to shine. That may have come across cornier than how it sounded in my mind. I am thinking of forming a movie group or a video game type of social club to help me connect with other people and fix some of my issues. The comics,videogames and artistic endeavors help but its time to crack this shell. At least alittle bit.