APR 24-25^{th 2019} 

I’m still here working in the old lgbt youth building on highland. I suppose we will only be here for a few more days (if that long) before we’re completely moved into the new building. Its quiet and peaceful here with no people around to bother me. Or to look over my shoulder to see what I’m doing. Its all good. Sometimes alittle solitude isn’t a bad thing you know.  I will likely be transferred over into the new building a block away next week when I come back from my vacation. Its been a weird last few days for me so I can use the time to wallow in my thoughts. First off I had a rehearsal scheduled for Monday and one of the two actors decided to literally cancel on me at the last moment. I got a text like five minutes after the hour saying….

“Hey Sergio, sorry for the bother and late contact, just finishing on set, I’m seeing that it would be best for everyone to recast my role. Apologizes but my time and scheduling seem to keep being a conflict”

Now keep in mind I paid to rent out the space. I paid him and the other actor (who did show up but I sent him home) in advance. I picked up some snacks and water. The DP I just hired was there too. So we’re all sitting around trying to decide what to do because we couldn’t really rehearse without a second actor. I can see from now on I need to have back-up actors onsite and maybe it might be a good idea to have folks sign contracts.  This is so weird to me because I have been having trouble casting this role of “Harthley” who is kind of a love interest for my character. In some cases the people flake at the last minute or they act as if they didn’t even know it was a gay or bi role. Sometimes I wonder if its just because I’m not really attractive to the person for whatever reason so they don’t wanna do the romantic scenes with me. Some probably don't wanna bother because they see I'm not some mega rich movie mogul (yet). People have told me to make sure and remember these flakes in case they ever resurface and when I tell my associates what happened they sometimes ask me the names of the individuals. (Its a small world out there so whos to say karma won't use someone you hurt to block your progress in the future?) Then theres a part of me that wonders if someone out there is deliberately trying to sabotage my productions. I know I have enemies out there so it could be possible. Who knows. It would be interesting to find out if other minority productions with lgbt content are facing the same types of troubles. Call me paranoid but I just keep feeling something is going on behind the scenes. This has just happened too many times to be a mere coincidence/circumstance. It would certainly explain why no one else is out there trying to do anything quite like what I’m doing.  Someone could be fucking things up to prevent them from progressing or attempting to steer them in a certain direction. I don’t like this idea of anyone trying to manipulate me or control my life. Its hard enough out here without people putting up walls you know? So anyway I recast the role but I’m feeling apprehensive. The guy certainly is a character with an interesting background (He used to work for the FBI and is ex military which means he probably has investigated the backgrounds of everyone in my family by now!) yet he comes across as VERY aggressive at times. As if he doesn’t trust me. My spidey sense is telling me to give him another role because he might be difficult to work with. Also “Harthley” is actually more of a laid back individual. Its strange to say this but I think I might seriously need to find someone to date then cast them as “Harthley” because that way it won’t be weird being in any intimate scenes together and plus the natural chemistry will be there. I have had success working with dudes on film projects when we had something going on offscreen. Montezilla. The Sneaky African. Kevin. Montezilla told me he was more into white guys and Latinos. Kevin later told me he regretted pushing me away but he was mostly keeping an eye on what else was out there. The Sneaky African moved away and his life just got too busy to seriously date anyone. We still talk and obviously care a lot for each other but the thing is that he lives way over yonder in North Dakota. If I could afford it I would fly there more often to see him. Moving there? Not quite sure but I am sooooooo ret to leave Cali. So ready.

Came in to work Monday after my “rehearsal” (which actually turned into a much needed meeting regarding production) and discovered someone had taken my I love NY Disney mug I bought at the Disney store in Times Square probably about 15 years ago. I was so pissed because I’d forgotten it and left it here at the security desk Saturday when I left to go home in the morning. Now this is not the first time I have had something taken and it just sickens me to think I work with people who will smile in my face then behind my back they’d take something they know is obviously mine or left for me with my name on it even. I went on Ebay to order another one because I was so pissed. I’m even more pissed at much it cost. It would be ironic if the mug I ordered was actually mine. The dealer only had one left and I was unable to find anymore online like it. Ugh. So pertaining to my upcoming production of “Sasquatch and the mythology sisterhood” we are gonna shoot a couple of cool scenes on Saturday. Theres some special effects work that’s gonna be trick so that’s largely why I decided to spend the day focusing on those shots entirely. Dude named Scott is in his apartment working out then he showers and gets dressed partially using his psionic abilities. I had to order a special greenscreen type suit because that will give us a lot more freedom in the scene plus it won’t look like cheap ass. I will wear the suit and then have to put dudes clothes on (that might be kinda hot!) then the DP will digitally remove me and it’ll look like the clothes are floating over and putting themselves on dude via telekinesis. I am thinking of adding something else to the scene but its gonna be pushing it (probably). I wanted to shoot a fight in the place between dude and his brother as they go at it with their paranormal abilities but Damonzilla said he didn’t want a fight scene shot in his place so maybe I can tone it down into more of an argument. But its gotta be something that won’t be boring. I have an actor for the role so I will talk to him tomorrow after I let the DP and Damonzilla know (he’s helping with directing duties). There are also a couple more actors interested in the Harthley roles who I may use in some other capacity unless I decide to switch around Mr. Aggro. Yes he is VERY serious and matter of fact. He actually reminds me of a guy I used to have a crush on who rooms with a good friend of mine.

And now the news…. Well another bombing type situation happened the other day in Sri Lanka. This was supposedly in retaliation to Australia bombings on a muslim church. So basically we have radical folks who felt the only way to get justice was to kill a bunch of other people. Innocent people of course. All in the name of religion. Then the other day a guy threw a kid off a balcony in the mall of America. Just walked over and grabbed the kid and threw him. All because he “wanted to kill somebody” Just when I thought the world couldn’t get any crazier. Things with Jusssie Smollet have kinda quieted down but it seems the city of Chicago wants to sue him over all the money that was spent on court costs and investigations. Meanwhile it appears there may be a move to impeach Tramp….er Trump. Not sure how that’s gonna play out. He’s basically gotten away with everything he’s said or done so far and it seems the public just doesn’t care to get rid of him because if they did he’d be out of there already. I didn’t think he would win the presidency but he did which only reaffirms how insane the world we live in has gotten. They wanna change the census now to ask how long have you been in this country. Theres so much focus on immigration and I’m not saying it isn’t a problem but there are so many other things we need to be concentrating on. This crazy weather is one of them. One minute its cold then the next its 80 degrees outside and I’m being tortured by allergies I never had before. Coachella happened and I didn’t go. Kanye West did some weird church shit that had a lot of folks scratching their collective heads. So that happened. Kanye West is so damn sexy but he just keeps doing and saying strange stuff and I’m really starting to worry just what is going on with him. Really. I think that’s about all I wanna talk about for now. I gotta get back to figuring out how Saturdays film shoot is gonna unfold. It is exciting to be getting back into my connected universe. The plan is to shoot four episodes of this new webseries then transition into doing a full length film project to be completed by next year. The DP mentioned getting some new storyboards done so I need to see whats up with that sense I already spent moolah on story boards. Whatever.