Confessions of a sad superhero book 165

 I swear they need to bring back insane asylums. I just went out to close the parking gate here at work and as soon as a gathered group of she-males noticed me I heard a voice directed at me. Well rather it was like the equivalent of when sometimes people see me walking down the street (happened a few times recently) they will crank up some music to get my attention. So I felt the energy and I was really trying to stay out of sight because some of these she-males (transgendered prostitutes) can be quite bold and outrageous in their behavior when they are in groups. So anyway as I closed the gate one dressed as skanky as possible barely fitting in the black dress came over "Oh he's closing the gate tee heee hee!" Then she ran sliding under the gate and falling on her ass nearly rolling down the ramp and this caused the gate to stop and roll back up as sensors detected an object. She got up giggling like an idiot and scampered back over to her friends. An Uber/Lyft driver told me recently we have now normalized mental illness and she was right. Sometimes I get so frustrated having to deal with this segment of the community that really doesn't feel like a part of the community. Somebody needs to round all these people up and give them job training because its just not cute at all what they do.

Confessions of a sad superhero book 164

I was reading an article on IGN yesterday and was moved to comment after I read another comment. This is all in regards to the big game "Concord" that Sony recently released and folks are crying "Go woke go broke and accusing the developers of catering to diversity and saying this is why the game failed. Also supposedly a developer said something about purposely leaving out white folks in the character line up but since I have not seen any actual links to this I take it as a grain of sand. The other thing is I keep hearing folks say that there are all kinds of advantages for lgbt or people of color yet personally this is a stretch. There are programs to help everyone if you know where to look but even then there is no secret guaranteed way of getting ahead (that I know of)

The character designer trolled white guys and didn't put them in on purpose, immediately alienating a whole lot of gamers, he said “Whites Must Acknowledge Their Privileged Position, And Then Actively Work For Equality”

• Nothing has ever gone well when you push the buttons of the white man. Idk why companies throw 200-300million at the attempts.

  Though, honestly, since these politics weren’t around in 2016 when the game began - it leads me to believe the game ran dry on funds and had to sign the deal with the devil to stay afloat. (8 years of paying devs and engineers and marketing specialists industry standard for their bachelors and masters degrees - a TON of money).

DarianStarfrog

I'm white, had the worst life imaginable, I got no extra privileges to help me up..yet I see the darker brothers spit on that same help, and refuse to change.. they only privilege that exists, is for woman, black people, (in my country they get free education) and lgbt , rich people, and the well connected..

• 
  

  I'm black and lgbt and have had to work like hell for any little bit of happiness in life. Its a tired stereotype that everyone in the lgbt community is all wonderful towards each other and connected. Also I catch more grief from other black folks because I don't fit their stereotypes of what I should be. Meanwhile I am hated and mistrusted by other races because of images the media keeps broadcasting. I realize there are folks who get ahead in life whether its honest or by shadey means but if there is a magical advantage for people like me as so many folks believe I have not seen it. How do I get plugged in? At 55 years of life I am still asking myself that question.

Confessions of a sad superhero book 163

So I just got warned about falsifying information on my daily activity report. (Something I did not do) Thing is the cameras are down and if the other officer who the supervisor caught upstairs sleeping is calling out his locations on patrol...how am I supposed to know where he is? These are the types of things that make people quit jobs. I have had a difficult time working with this particular officer and although I wish him no ill will I am glad I only have to deal with him one more day before he leaves the company. 

*Update he just came and said this is his last day and he wants to get thru it without cursing anyone out. I was like who are you expecting to curse out and he says anyone who comes at him sideways. I explained to him I had gotten chewed out and I had no idea where he was so I really don't know why he's coming at me with this weird passive aggression shit which really has nothing to do with me. So now he's off to talk to the supervisor and once again I have been dragged into some shit just because I'm trying to do my job and have done absolutely nothing wrong. Sometimes I wonder if I should sue this company for all I have had to endure working here because the stress is unreal and uncalled for.

Rant over.

*Update. 

So it happened. That thing I have been trying to avoid. Me and that certain co-worker had our blow up that has been building and I am so glad our boss happened to walk by and she squashed the whole thing even though he was still trying to go in on me and saying I was too sensitive. So what happened? I will try my best to give the complete story because I just came back from training for the new procedures and a very quick 15 min break where I tried to enjoy my free pizza from Dominos.

This all started when at approximately dude came in at 9:53pm and he asked what time it was. I said as a joke of course 10:53pm and signed him in. He sighed saying something to the effect of "Oh Lord" which I didn't think anything of. (Apparently he kept a record of that and was gonna use it against me later as crazy as that sounds.)

I went on my patrol after ordering my pizza and my radio battery was pretty much gone as it had been off the charger. So when I called out my patrol as we are supposed to do I got no response. I asked him if he got my transmission to which he replied "No. Did you get my response?" This was a clear and sarcastic response and the thing is we are not supposed to do stuff like that on the radio so after I made a stop to my locker I headed back upstairs and asked him why he said that on the radio. Then he brought up my joke at the start of the shift and I was like man I made a joke but to him I guess this was percieved as something nasty he had to get revenge for by coming at me on the radio for everyone else to hear. Things got really heated because I told him we don't have to like each other but we need to respect each other and just don't talk to me like that and at one point he said I will talk to you however the fuck I want. I was like man what is it have I wronged you in another life??? (A line I stole from Kevin Costner) Then he was going on about how I can joke and he can't because I'm too sensitive or our sense of humor is different. I really wish I had a damn body cam on me or that I could go back in time to record all our interactions because this is a situation where I don't really have much in the way of proof of his bullying type behavior or other things he does and gets away with around here. I guess they know what he does because the supervisor went up stairs to look for him after noticing he wasn't where he said on the radio as he was watching the cameras. Dude will lie in a heart beat like its nothing and then is quick to jump on any little thing he can find to make me feel bad about myself. He leaves the gate open which is a big security issue. Leaves boogers at the desk and I have caught him peeping at me from around corners when I am upstairs on my computer. He's usually at least 5 mins late every night and then comes to stand up behind me like he's in a hurry to take the desk when its time to rotate but when I come back from patrol he will stall at the desk and often I have to wait for him to get up. I can just go on and on about how difficult he is to work with and initially he seemed cool but now we have become enemies even though I have tried to move past shit even by giving him pizza when he asks and I usually don't complain when he does stuff but I am a 55 year old man who has tolerated enough bs and I'm not gonna let this trash minded individual continue to punk me or control my life. I'm tired. His last few days working here can't end fast enough. I was so upset I almost asked my boss if I could go home early and I swear dude seemed happier after seeing he'd gotten to me talking on the phone and laughing like he'd just blown a load. I guess thats what happens when you transfer negative energy to another person. He's a bully and probably used to getting away with this shit but you just can't treat people like crap without consequences. The dangerous African once told me of a co-worker he had to threaten to sue his job over due to harrassment. These things do happen and I guess folks don't think about that when they come for individuals. My thought is dude realizes he's smarter than most and because I am on his level he perceives me as a threat or competition which is why he is always on my case. Sometimes in life when they don't know what to do with you or they can't control you they try to get rid of you. Sometimes they will even go after the things you have but where do people learn this shit? I think alot of younger folks act like this because many folks these days seem to lack a moral compass. Much of the time I think society has become like this due to us losing certain social skills because of technology. I don't wanna become one of those people who hates everybody but man some folks will bring out the darkness even when you are simply trying to stay afloat and mind your own business.😐

Confessions of a sad superhero book 162

 Just got back Sunday night from my little birthday trip to Fargo. It was quite the adventure. Things kicked off with me locking myself out of my apartment. Just as I was leaving out to my uber ride to the airport I realized as soon as I closed my apartment door I'd left my keys and all the snacks I'd packed for my trip inside. That was the first crazy incident. The second was when I got to the airport and flown to Denver wait for my connecting flight there was an issue with the pilot so my flight was delayed. As a result I got to Fargo hours later than planned. Sure they gave me a $15.00 voucher but man did United screw up my schedule. It was nice seeing Captain Liberia again. He currently has only one daughter living at home with him. He's happy his other kids moved out because they really turned his life upside down. I mean all the shit they put him through is like right out of a horror movie and its really fucked up as they blew such a great opportunity he gave them by bringing them here to the US. The daughter who lives with him now is special needs. She is about 20 but mentally around the intellect of a 2 year old. Very challenging to deal with at times and the poor child can barely speak. Her speech is alot like mumbling and most of the time i can't understand what she's saying. The Captain seems to have it down to a science but she has some serious behavioral problems.

-To Be Continued-

Part 2. So his daughter will do things like go in the fridge and take entire containers of juice into her room with no regard to anyone else and just drink it all up. She will literally eat any and all sugar on hand so The Captain has to hide it in his room along with the coffee creamer. There is one particular show on youtube she will watch over and over and over involving cartoon monkeys jumping on a bed. I feel bad for The Captain because he does have alot of patience yet it does stress him out at times and he has told me repeatedly how happy he will be when he has his place all to himself. His special needs daughter does have people to work with her during the week and she also has a job where she works a few hours however she has no plans to move out on her own. This is a grown woman in a womans body who acts like a spoiled 2 year old and she is constantly requiring attention. The Captain spoils her but mostly its probably because he is exhausted when he comes in from work and hasn't the energy to really deal. He took on a big responsibility bringing his kids here from Liberia yet at times he regrets the timing he did this move. There was a point in my visit his daughter was in the living room playing stuff very loud on her ipad and we really couldn't watch the tv in peace until I went to grab a pair of headphones I'd brought. I hooked them up to her ipad and gave it to her. Then there was another time I visited and she threw a temper tantrum when we all went to the movies to see Shang-Chi. She kept acting up and saying she wanted to leave. Another time when we went to a restuarant she threw a tantrum and caused a scene refusing to come back to the car because she suddenly wanted a milk shake or something after initially saying she wasn't interested. The Captain has probably let her get away with this type of behavior before so I suggested he just drive around in the parking lot, then over to the exit to scare her into thinking he was gonna leave. Let me tell you she came OUT of that place in a hurry. She's certainly smart enough to manipulate her dad.  The Captain loves his children but they have added plenty of stress to his life and at some point he has to take control. I guess he has because he put his other daughters out. One initially ran away to NY but had to come back because that city will eat you alive and it really taught homegirl how good she had it with her father in Fargo. His other daughter had a kid with a young man who is now in jail for what I can't recall but he'd infected her with an STD and no one knew until The Captain did his own investigation or rather demanded the authorities do it after they tried to accuse him of molesting the child. So yeah these kids have put poor Jonathan through hell. It still blows my mind what he has had to endure these past few years. 

I still care for The Captain but I'm really having a hard time letting my self feel anything for any man right now. I can safely say what happened with homeboy at my job scarred me. I really liked him and it did a number on my brain when he rejected me. Took me a whole year to recover seriously. The Captain will tell me he cares for me but his actions kinda deflate it. I have always known he had other people and during this past trip he admitted some of these escapades. I don't know...maybe for some of us who are with someone we seem to have this weird intuition that they are with someone even when they lie or try to be coy about it to save face or to keep you wrapped around their finger. It hurts knowing he was messing around and just not being up front with it but dude is a grown ass man and I guess the truth is he owes me nothing. No explanation. I have observed that men will have something wonderful yet they will go after something else and sometimes its simply a reflection of their maturity. Running from a real committment and only wanting instant gratification or the wham bam thank you mam. 

-To Be Continued-

(Eating Kibo chickpea chips. Pico De Gallo flavor. Drinking a liquid death sparkling water drink. Mango Chainsaw flavor. -Desert is Belvita crunchy blueberry cookies whilst listening to Jack FM and fighting off a bothersome fly) Yesterday was plenty hot out. Around 98 degrees and I walked out to Chipotle for a chicken bowl and a blackberry Izze. My usual Chipotle meal. As I walked out I noticed this Hispanic guy in a truck waiting for the light on my street. He quickly put on his radio to blast some music. Rappitone I think. That was interesting. I was wearing khaki greenish shorts and an green neon short sleeved shirt and my black/white Yin/Yang cap. 

That certain co-worker (who seems to be becoming more feminine by the minute) basically proved he was a psycho when he told me yesterday was his last day then he showed up at this shift. (I caught a glimpse of him peeking arpund a corner to see if I was in the conference room like I usually am an hour before my shift playing games or surfing the web if I'm not watching a movie) I imagine he was looking for my reaction but there was none because I don't care what he/she/it does. I'll admit I was a bit happy when he said it then I said to myself I'll believe it when I see it. All of our schedules have changed now and I no longer have the weekends off which kinda sucks. As tempted as I am to take the severance pay it feels too risky because I might not be able to get unemployment which would be a problem. Thing is they have me working six days straight on the weekend the new schedule kicks in and I am also not sure how my vacation days are gonna be affected. I guess I will have Christmas and Thanksgiving off as usual unless I bid for overtime. Its so crazy to me that an organization as powerful as the lgbt center is having money problems when I take into consideration how many powerful members of the lgbt community have connections here. There are plenty of lgbt celebrities and rich folks who should be doing alot more to keep this place up. I guess gay people are just like any other community. We have people more concerned with counting their pennies and serving themselves than trying to look out for their fellow man. Pathetic. Also someone reminded me the lgbt community has lost some support from allies over the years. The outrageous antics of a few have affected all of us.

I went to the movies at the grove on Monday. Really shocked myself. I guess I'm gradually getting back to the old me. Going out and actually doing stuff as opposed to staying indoors lanquishing in anxiety. Its something to suffer a breakdown of sorts and then the miracle of you coming out of it happens. Then you can look back and sy "Damn I was fucked up and I'm not gonna let that happen again" It doens't escape me that in this crazy world I live in there are certainly many others around me fighting their own inner demons. Mental civil wars going on and some people are dealing with the most unimaginable hardships. How easy it would be then to partner with someone then folks could help each other overcome together yet this is something that if it ever happens at all it seems usually only an uneasy and temporary alliance. Do I have abandonment issues or has the family dynamic become an intangible thing in todays society? (Perhaps its both things?) So anyway the move I saw was "Alien Romulus" which I loved. Theres this cute brother who plays a cyborg in the film and the relationship he has with his human "sister" is the heart and soul of this horror,action,adventure. I discovered David Jonsson in a romcom I saw on Hulu like a year ago. There is just something so sexy about a dork who is low key HOT. Yes I said that.

Confessions of a sad superhero book 161

The longer I go without blogging the more things happen then I end up struggling to remember everything. Guess I need to stick to daily entries. Alot has happened since the last time I blogged so Ima try hard to keep ya'll up. 

We had a small quake yesterday. 4.5 or something like that. I was sitting on my bed about to head out to the supermarket to get $3.00 quarters for laundry. When the place shook I jumped up immediately because I have a bunch of stacked (high) boxes next to my bed that I am planning to probably put in storage before the year is out. Thankfully it was over in just a second. I had the radio on (which I am now no longer able to turn off since I broke the on/off button last week) and the DJ (KROQ) was talking about how her earthquake alert warned her a few seconds before the quake. I walked outside to get quarters. I'd decided to wear some dark green cargo type shorts and a neon green shirt because I knew it was gonna be hot outside. Wore these black and orange sneakers with no socks along with my grey and black "I paused my game to be here" baseball cap. It wasn't as awkward at the Vons market but as usual it was busy. Didn't really see any cute guys and the lines weren't long so that was good. Speaking of cute guys last week when I went to Mickey D's for a chicken McNugget meal there was this gorgeous dark skinned brother standing outside. He seemed taken aback by how gracious I was because of his gesture. Yeah I know its a simple gesture but on many occasions its been the opposite so I am always happy when someone does something nice for me because its a true gift in this world. Anyway at one point he came in the restaurant to stand behind me. I think he was gonna order and changed his mind but I wonder if he wanted to say something to me. Probably not as he disappeared when I left. I just figure if he didn't wait outside for me to leave to say something I misread his actions. Its so strange how the world is nowadays. People never approach me and I find myself wondering do people still approach each other in an age where many seem obsessed with being or looking perfect. No one wants to put themselves out there or to look awkward when it is perfectly natural to experience these things. I think if you can't laugh at yourself you are taking life too seriously and you'll fall apart when something crazy and awkward actually does happen to you. I guess in some ways I have made peace with being socially awkward. But I don't feel as socially awkward as I have felt. Also I realize these are things I feel when others are around. Some people will see this and try to prey on you and its probably why so many folks walk around with these intense expressions because with that air no one will approach you. The problem with some folks is they look like that ALL THE DAMN TIME. Nobody is gonna say anything to you if you look like you wanna kick their ass. I know I'm not ugly but I don't really think of myself as sexy (whatever that means) and on some days I think I can be handsome or cute-ish depending on what I'm wearing. I do try to wear something interesting or with something funny written on it (hats/shirts) I love the color green so I try to keep it green as much as possible. Due to gangs being an issue here in Cali I do work at avoiding wearing certain colors yet the reality is no matter what color I wear somebody somewhere reps a gang of that color so how can you really win eh? Once in my early days of being in LA a brother saw me crossing the street near Sunset and Vine and yelled at me "What you doing wearing that red?!???!" and I was soooo confused. I didn't know anything about gangness but don't black men have enough things to worry about instead of trying to murder someone for the color of clothing? Asking for a friend. Yeah, I am wondering where the mothership is. 

It has come to my attention we have been cutting back on things here at my job. I'd been hearing about budget cuts and there have been rumors for awhile but now its been made official that the center is cutting back and 7 security guards are being let go. Earlier a supervisor gave me a sheet with 5 potential shifts I had to bid for. Its likely my schedule will change and I won't have the weekends off anymore so yeas I have been mulling over just taking the severance and then drawing unemployment. God knows I have been wanting for an opportunity at freedom and this could be a blessing since my rent is so cheap and I could totally make the lifestyle changes to accomodate not having a 9-5 but you know unemployment doesn't last forever and I have so many financial obligations. My films. My comics. The animated project. Yeah I was planning to maybe leave next year but its probably not a wise choice to leave now and potentially put myself in a more stressful type situation. Also theres still dental work I gotta get done. 

Just Sunday I met with Miguel the DP for my upcoming SonsOfLegend film. Its gonna be a 6 minute short and the plan is to start the cameras rolling in Dec. Now I just recently got some really cool ideas for the film and I started a script. So far I don't even have a full page but i have it mapped out in my head what I wanna do with the concept. Miguel thinks I'm nuts for some of the ideas but I think they bring something fresh to this darkly humorous take on superhero life. I was thinking of bringing in Sir Nathan for one of the new main characters. This newbie is a dude who manipulates the four elements. He can't create the elements so like the X-Men character he carries around a lighter for fire and he uses a tazer to manipulate electricity. He keeps some dirt or rocks in a bag. Maybe a necklace could work. As for air...well thats everywhere. Miguel says this makes dude OP but that depends on how much he can manipulate. Theres gotta be limits right? At any rate I'll be done with the script before I leave for my trip to go see "Captain Liberia" later this week as a birthday trip for myself. I'm gonna try not to think about what happend the last time I took  a "birthday trip"  Of course I will be going to see my mom and them in Florida for Halloween like usually do and for either Thanksgiving,Christmas or New Years I'm going to see my father in NC. I really need to go ahead and put in for my fathers visit now since the schedules are about to change for all of us. Thankfully I always put in my birthday and Halloween request way early so I don't have to worry about that. Well unless my vacation falls on my new off days. That won't be cute.

-To Be Continued-