Evil. It exists. It seems to everywhere and I can't say I understand what drives some of these garbage minded individuals to do what they do. I was watching a video earlier on youtube of the shooting that recently happened in a school in Texas. The gunman just casually strolls into the school with his machine gun. Brushes his hair and continues on down a hall. Someone noticed him but went and hid then the gunman disappears from view. A moment later you hear all these shots being fired. What on earth could motivate someone to walk into a school fully armed dressed like a goth biker and just kill a bunch of innocent children? Days ago a model was in downtown LA when a guy hit her in the face with a damn pipe. I remember watching a docufilm on netflix years ago about a woman who fled Liberia in the 90's. She talked about men with guns coming into classrooms and just taking young girls while the teachers were helpless to do anything about it but watch. Earlier as I left for work and was locking my door I could hear the next door neighbor watching me thru their peephole. They like to jiggle it loud enough for awhile so I will be aware they're watching me. Like a month ago when I did my laundry someone put a bloody rag in the dryer with my clothes. This happened before many moons ago. Its like I will get a period of peace and then just as my life is feeling almost okay these folks will inevitably do something to fuck with me. Stir the pot. Now...I stay in my apartment and go out of my way to avoid contact with these people. But now I am forced to sit and watch my laundry when I wash/dry clothes. I had to get my packages delivered to my job since my shit was getting taken. I have had things thrown at me when walking outside too. I'm not gonna lie and say I have not had fantasies of going into that house with a flame thrower and I don't know what these people want. Another crazy black man on the 6 oclock news going off the deep end. And behind the scenes there was some asshole that pushed his buttons. I think thats what they want and in an alternate universe maybe it happened but I won't give it to them in this one. It has been 20 years of this shit and it all started the day I asked a little Bangeldashian girl to stop throwing paper in front of the building. SOmeone I told this to earlier before I came in to work said he has had some similar experiences as well as others he know. He told me as an Asian he and his kin just usually simply "take it and don't say anything about it" He then said something that really got me thinking. He asked me if I was maybe involved with any controversial political groups or if I had any social media content that might attract some nutjobs because there are those who do come after you. Even organizations. Dude started getting all religious at some point but what he said struck me. I mean...I have wondered if its a gay thing why I have had so much problems and there are some who will literally try to kill you (or come as close as they can without actually doing it) if they know THAT about you. I dunno. I have had all kinds of bad things done to me and been mad at folks for a while but 20 years of constant harassment just feels like its exerting too much energy. I can't say I know what the agenda is here. Some have theorized its to make me move out. Some have said it may be some bad spirits doing stuff to keep the negative energies flowing. What I do know is I am definitely dealing with some sort of PTS from having my psyche constantly under assault to the point where it can be a struggle at times to relax from a stressful job when I come home. Your life must be pure hell if you would go so far and so long to make someone else miserable. They say hurt people hurt people. In the face of such cruelty I just try to stay focused on my goals and realize THIS is not real life. Its an artificial life and one day I will be free from these people and their shit. It might be because of Karma , it might be coming suddenly into success or it may be me just simply moving away. Since I can't afford to move right now I have to hold on and save up as much money while getting my projects done. Meanwhile instead of thinking so much about people who hate me and want my attention I need to give it to those folks in my life who deserve it. I can certainly imagine a life full of positive minded people around me and beautiful sunrises over glistening cityscapes while I'm enjoying a cup of coffee.
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