Was finally able to get in a session wih my therapist the other day. Its been sooooo long since last we spoke. She actually caught Covid a few times and then got sick from some other things so I was thinking maybe our sessions were done. Let me tell you it is good to have that person there to listen and understand and evne though they remain neutral they can still give you that support to encourage your spirit. She was able to help me with a pretty big decision. "The Good Captain" is graduating next week and up till recently I was all geared up to go show some support. But that light bulb came on in my mind. Basically it has been a long difficult road towards me coming to understand that this man really cares very little for me. We were in a sorta relationship when he lived with me but he has been so distant since he moved to North Dakota. Its not just because of school either. Its not because of being a single dad. Its not just the distance. My instincts kept telling me something was up and there was somebody else in the picture. I dunno why I overlooked this shit. I really invested alot in this guy. I think I was so much longing I accepted that I couldn't find anyone else. Maybe I was whipped to a degree. Maybe that explains the intense pain I felt from the rejection of a certain ex-co-worker. Right now how do I feel? Honestly I think I have gotten dangerously close to abandoning relationships period. Its funny because years ago I saw this happening to everybody else and said I wouldn't let that be me yet after so much bullshit and immature emotionally unavailable buffoons one grows tired. Like Mary said "No more drama" and it seems that is all they bring. These men who have helped convince me at times I am so beneath them that it is a struggle to reclaim self-esteem. Strangely enough it seems to have bloomed since I decided to reach for the uncaringness of it all. Feels safer. More saner. Like Erykah Badu said..."I work at pleasing me cuz I can't please you and thats why I do what I do" I'm pleasing me by just pleasuring myself because these hands still work and I'm pleasing myself looking at where I've come from, looking at where I'm going as ALL these little projects and investments of mine blossom into the fruits so diligently planetd over the years. To somebody looking in from the outside "Sergio ain't doing shit" but in reality, he's keeping a low profile while he builds a profile. Building an empire. Slowly but surely behind the scenes. Taking care of business that is my future. Soon they will know his name.
So I got off my butt weeks ago and filmed that video project thats been on my mind. Lymonicus let me use a studio he rents. I hired a guy to come let me interview him. Got it edited. Saw it needed work. The editor bounced so now I'm sitting on the footage not sure what to do. Could hire somebody else to work on it or try it myself. Feel like it needs to be chopped into three separate videos cuz it is too damn long as it is. Or could simply re-shoot it. Oh the concept is called "Nerds With Badges" Security guards,cops or military folks sit around and discuss nerd shit. Tech. Comics. Music. Movies. Games. Pop culture stuff you know? Having a meeting this weekend with some of the usual suspects and its likely I may turn that into another filmed session. So we'll see.
Work on the comics continues. Work on "Sasquatch And The Mythology Sisterhood" footage continues. I would really love to reshoot that but I've an idea loosely inspired by some filtering techniques I have seen in certain films to give the footage a unique comic stylized look. Also I will be putting out a couple of posters and a free "John Henry" comic strip later this month. See I stay on my hustle. Helps keep me (reasonably) sane. What next? What next might be me hiring a personal trainer. Stay tuned.
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