"Triggers"
This morning on my way home from work I ran across the street because it looked as if my bus was coming. This brother I noticed saw me and seems he ran across the street too. It was weird because I was pretty sure out the corner of my eye I saw someone follow me but I was just trying to stay focused on the bus. I glanced over and noticed the guy there behind me so he goes "You got any cigarettes?" I said no. Then he goes something like "Ain't that some shit?" It was one of those weird situations as I really wasn't sure what dude wanted but I immediately went into "sentry mode" since i didn't know why dude chose to follow me if that was indeed what was going on. So he was sort of a trigger for me I guess. He even got on the bus behind me and seemed to want something as we went to get seats. He was kinda dark....a bit taller than me. Seemed kinda skinny and homeless-ish. He wore a polyester-type summer jacket. When I got off the bus and told the driver thank you like I usually do dude said "thank you" too. People are so weird sometimes.
I came in to work tonight and after a spirited conversation with a co-worker about a game system I showed him I'd just gotten I went to the conference room in the back that I always hang out in and play video games till the start of my shift. This heavy set dude who is somewhat fem and seems to have a problem with me no matter how friendly I am to him was in the room. He had the door closed so I knocked before entering. I made a joke asking if he was naked before entering after I'd asked if it was okay to come in. Too edgy? Anyway dude jetted up out of the room and then tonight after leaving the building with another person who was very friendly and well mannered he simply looked past me as if I wasn't even there. So that was a trigger from the get go. I'm wondering whats going on with dude and if somebody said something about me behind my back to make him behave a certain kind of way towards me. Let me get one thing straight....I was raised to speak to folks and then there's stuff like holding the door open for folks or covering my mouth when I cough or sneeze. So it bothers me when people are just plain nasty or rude. Ask me again why over the years I have learned its best to stay the hell away from people because so many of them are fucked up and contact with so many fucked up folks in the past is part of why I have so many issues. Yeah I said THAT. Its crazy to understand you need contact with people to be a social being yet so many of them are so mean and full of shit it can be difficult to weed out who is or isn't worth your time.
Its said many of us have "triggers". It can be a sound. It can be a smell or something somebody says then you just go to a different space. I've had instances where something someone said or did ruined my day because it just stuck with me. Negative energy just shot through my body and the adrenalin started flowing and it took like forever for me to come down from that shit. Could be something you might think is small or silly yet to someone else it could be a spirit crushing epic event. I remember talking to Captain Liberia awhile back about negative minded mean spirited folks and he said something interesting about how in certain job fields certain personality traits would not be tolerated. Just makes me wonder about the class of individuals I have so much contact with and why it can be so hard to find success. Negativity. Close mindedness. Naysayers. Crabs in a bucket so to speak. I've noticed at times I can be enthusiastic about something and another person can simply cut me or dismiss my ideas. I try to be careful about letting others influence me because I think it can be an easy thing you know? Enough critics say a movie or song is bad or what someone is wearing sucks then people tend to jump on board. Why do so many of us do things we do? Are we simply reacting and its something we do so often since we are used to it? This "triggers" thing goes very deep indeed. A guy once told me I think too much and I do wonder if a segment of the population is afraid of those of us who dare to ask questions. But if I am afraid to ask and learn as much as I can doesn't that limit my development as a sentient being?
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