Its been a crazy week so far but things have calmed down in a most surprising way. Particularly with the co-worker I was not getting along with. We actually got into it the other night but tonight it was as if he were a different peson. Dude offered me pizza last night and I guess pizza is one of my weaknesses. Even if it had ham on it. (I'm only eating mostly seafood and veggie or fruit things these days) He insisted I take 3 slices so I ate one and I'm bringing the other two slices home for maybe dinner today. I actually eat dinner when I get home nowadays. So last night was a cool night. No fighting or crazy folks hanging around causing trouble. The other night is a different story. There was a fight and then some guy was trying to taser people and another dude was throwing water on him from a water bottle. I watched the whole surreal ordeal unfold on the video cameras. Its something the stuff we witness here. I am still talking with my friend from Botswana. Formerly Mr. Grey Eyes. He shut me down about the nickname because he said it was something that caused him discomfort. But that was just me being affectionate in my own way. Thing is in all honesty the flame has kinda gone out for me anyway and we will have that "I think we need to just be friends" talk soon. Maybe today. We have nice conversations and all but there is no romance. I think because he was single for 10 years that part of him is just submerged in some way. Its nice havig someone to talk to daily who actually notices and appreciates you but I just don't have those feelings and I do feel bad about having to let him down you know? Meanwhile Captain Liberia still calls me and says I just dropped him because he is seeing this woman even though they rarely meet up and she lives out of state. There was a time I was really quite smitten with Jon but like 99% of the time it felt one-sided and after really thinking back on all those time we had together I realize it WAS one-sided. Tired of giving energy to people I have to pursue. I can't even really recall a time someone I thought was the shit paid that kind of attention to me. Really messes with your self esteem let me tell you. Makes you start to doubt your self worth and then folks see it and it really makes them not wanna be with you. Its a crazy cycle. Mr. Ninja and i have not spoken in months now. Sometimes I see him on my way out and we sort of acknowledge each other yet never speak and its weird we are acting as if we don't know each other. My guess is who ever he's giving it to on a regular basis is very important so the proper way he deals is to pretend I don't exist. Good for him I guess. The whole situation is so strange and I don't even know how to feel to be truthful. I never did anything wrong other than really care for dude yet I can take some comfort in the observation we were never compatible. There was some sexual attraction then...well I suppose it fizzled. Hard for me to maintain focus when one gets the idea they are not wanted. So its true you can get over anything in time and the heart can heal but it does take awhile. Life must go on. Theres a part of me that would like the concept of being in a relationship yet at this stage in my life its something I could do without if it just never happened again you know? I'm more invested in my comic book projects these days. There are a few film projects in production and the animated short is moving along. Outside of these passions as well as family and friends everything else seems like a distraction.
Speaking of my projects I was trying to rent a room hare at work to do a rehearsal next week for the SonsofLegend promo short I'm filming before this year is out. But the staff hasn't responded since I sent a message yesterday. They changed the whole process of requesting a space so I'm not even sure they saw my request form you have to fill out online. Meanwhile the anthology comic Argo is doing which features my "DragonManx" character is about to have its Kickstarter campaign launched soon. Nerds With Badges may be getting at long last a new episode sooner than later. Was gonna order some new shirts to give my guests. That can get expensive but some folks have asked for the shirts. Maybe I should look into getting some NWB apparel made on a grander scale? Something for thought. The Sasquatch cartoon is getting its own comic book rendition and at the rate the artist works it will be done in a few more months. Its only gonna cost me like $80.00 a page. Sounds cheap but when you consider all the other things I'm pouring money into. Investments. Rent. Food. (Uber/LYFT!) Streaming apps and games or comics...well its that time for me to cut back especially since I have to start looking into storage space plus I gotta get a root canal and glasses. If I take too much time to dwell on all this shit the complexities of my life can seem overwhelming. Thank the gods I have outlets.🥲
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