You ever wish you could go back in time to stop yourself from doing something or maybe meeting someone? Yeah. Thats where I'm at.
I was thinking of incorporating something interesting in one of my stories featuring DragonManx. DragonManx the character I play in my webseries has something in common with me. We both have a strong sense of smell. Usually good hearing too. In that way we are both like animals who possess senses sharper than most. I have always had good hearing even though I think I may have damaged my hearing over the years as a result of the fallout between me and certain neighbors. Anyhow in my story I was gonna address an issue Dragonmanx would have being able to smell when someone is transgendered. After all men and women smell different and everyone has a unique scent. One of my co-workers who is trans got into a conversation with me about how her wife had issues with her smelling different after she became trans. I say all this to say I realize over the last few months I've been going through some kind of withdrawal. When I was intimate with a certain person from my job there was not just an exchange of energy but there was something pheromonal that happened. Obviously not with him but with me it was like being torn apart being away from him. It wasn't because he was special. He wasn't superhot. He and I didn't even really have a logical reason being intimate it was just that on a chemical level that wild animal inside of me could smell he was prime mating material and when this chemical thing happens well that can make a person irresistible to someone else because of that powerful mojo. I have said this before that I suspect why some folks get all psycho when they break up with someone else. People really don't know he power they have over others. Then again some most certainly do KNOW. Perhaps they even weaponize it. Use it to get what they want. Its quite sad that we both don't feel the same strong connection. I guess we'd find a way to be together no matter what. Perhaps this is the secret behind long term relationships which seem to be a rare thing of the past these days. Why? Probably environmental issues. Chemicals or things we put in our bodies. Stuff we are exposed to I guess. I write this because I suspect oneday someone might actually find themselves in a bind and searching for a solution on how to beat this thing because it makes no sense being crazy about someone who doesn't feel the same way. Its dangerous too because it can make you sick. The withdrawal. Nevermind the fact they don't feel the same way because there is nothing you can do to change that. NOTHING. Just find something that you love. Maybe more than one thing. Find this and hold on to it. Chase it with all your might and even obsess over it. In time your mind and body will gradually bring itself back to the old you again. And no I'm not saying go out and find someone else. I mean I didn't. But that was largely because it put the fear of God in me knowing someone could have that much power over me. Honestly as alluring as that sometimes felt I don't know if I can afford to go back there again. It is one of the most painful things I have ever felt having to walk away from something I wanted so bad. But these situations actually can help you out because if the other person doesn't feel anything they are helping you by staying away. It does build up your resolve over time. So if they really did want to hurt you or maybe even manipulate your vulnerable state the thing to do would be the opposite of NOT calling you. Irony I know. Just...don't pick up the phone if they call and under no circumstances do you call them because well that makes you look like a punk. Chase your dreams and make them reality. Take the plunge. Be a risk taker. Be a dog (or cat) dad if you must yet you must fight the power and break the spell. Remember that there was something you loved before "they" came along and now is the time to give your energy to something that can actually change your way of life for the better. Talk about it. Maybe even get support from a group or a doctor but don't look back. After all you know where that path leads to right?
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