Every now and then I have to remind myself that I am surrounded by people who are not smarter than me and many are not happy or mentally balanced. I also have to remind myself that hurt people hurt people. I have been having weird interactions with a guy who works here for months now. I have worked with him for years and we used to be sorta cool I guess many moons ago. Months ago I think he heard the tail end of a conversation and maybe he got the wrong idea and he's been weird with me ever since. I did eventually ask him if he had a problem with me and he denied it however he doesn't speak to me unless I say something and even then theres venom in his delivery. Tonight when I walked past him and another co-worked loud laughter erupted from dude and it seemed to cut me like a knife. As if I don't already have enough shit going on I have a hostile work environment to deal with. Its getting really hard to hold on and not quit because I really need this job. My comic is almost done and I am about to go back into production on my film so I gotta keep the money flow coming in. It still weird with me and that certain security officer. Everytime I see him or think about him all that pain of betrayal just floods back in my head and I am reminded how close I came to getting fired all because I was trying to do the right thing and he deliberately put me in a dangerous position despite all the kindness I have shown him in the past. I think Covid has made folks crazy or something because alot of people seem tense or distant. Seems it all started last year when all this Covid shit happened. Maybe we are taking our misery out on each other because we don't really have any other outlets. Well I do. My art and videogames. Comic books. Etc. I even started cleaning up the other day. Moved some furniture around and it felt great. Feel like my brain is trying to heal and my spirit is trying to bounce back yet forces out here just won't let me. Its not all bad. Some days are just better than others.
Theres alot going on in the world even as my own world seems so unstable and surreal these days. Haiti's president was assassinated and shit is going down in Cuba. Biden pulled all the troops out of Afghanistan and as a result Taliban forces are regrouping. A building collapsed in Miami the other day and so far 94 people were pronounced dead. The number of people dead or missing was around 150 so yeah....crazy. Last week the police dept set off a bunch of illegal fireworks in what was supposed to be a standard op but something went wrong....there was a huge explosion that hurt some folks and a bunch of others are now displaced because their homes were damaged. My father and stepmom are still picking up the pieces after the death of my little sister Crystal. One of Captain Liberia's daughters just graduated too. Things were starting to open back up again but theres new strains popping up. Some places don't enforce masks but here at my job they are now requiring proof of vaccinations. (I thought they kept that on record somewhere?) Anyway I lost the card that I was given after my vaccination. Luckily I took a photo I'd posted on Instagram of it so that was my proof. I gotta say I am not keen on getting any more shots. Why? Well its not lost on me some of the health issues I've had seemed to start popping up after flu shots and vaccinations. So yeah I am just trying to be careful.
Update: 7.16.2021
Somethings on my mind lately....
That time at the black gay meeting when I talked about my projects and got no support but then the African filmmaker got literally hundreds of dollars instantly when they passed around a collection....
That time when I noticed the little table in the back (that no one uses) suddenly blocked with stacks of boxes obviously to deter me yet the person who eats in the conference room with the thermostat turned all the way up (when he is not supposed to be in there) is overlooked. I was even asked to leave one morning as if I was stealing something. It does hurt when you work somewhere and you have been there a long time yet you are treated a certain kind of way.
Those times when other people told me they had issues with a certain person.
That time someone told me someone who hurt me is "weird" (I just thought it was interesting someone else who knew the person less than me could pick up on things I overlooked for whatever reason)
That time when I realized I should have quit this job awhile ago and its time I set a date to get the hell up out of dodge as they say.
That time I realized a certain person was trying to push my buttons perhaps to cause an argument even though I am going out of my way to keep the communication focused on work related things.
That time I realized I have experienced less BS in my life because I am socially invisible most of the time and basically keep a low profile.
That time I realized I get good energy when focusing on some folks. (The exact opposite in some cases)
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