(To KCRW 11pmish-12amish)
SOMETIMES INSIDE
Sometimes inside
I cry
I wish the tears would flow outward but
they just stay inside
hanging there
like fruit that refuses to fall.
I'm crying because of all the fools I've suffered.
I'm crying so much inside these days
Thinking about
all the
people
animals
family members
who cried out to me in their own ways
because they needed me
but I was so lost inside
so busy fighting to live
fighting my own demons
chasing these dreams
and I admit I gave so many undeserving fools my heart
which they rejected
trampled upon
and ripped it to so much of a shredded mess
I was in a very dark place before I pulled back my heart
mangled akin to a hand
that had been outstretched
to a rabid beast
ultimately beyond any aid I could give
before they could bite it anymore.
Truth be told
most of the times the signs were there
I just chose to ignore them.
"When a person shows you who they are the first time believe them"
I think I'm tired of forgiving fools and letting them stain my spirit.
Its time I gave my love to my family
to those who have tried so hard to reach out to me
to those I may not even know who desperately need or needed me
God knows I wish I could turn back all the years I've lost
So much "Wasted Energy" Like Alicia Keys said.
The tears I'm crying inside
they threaten to come to the surface
knowing friends and family are getting older
time is slipping away
like a blink
and I need to reclaim what I've lost before its too late.
So many are gone
people and animals
I would probably give anything if I could
just to hug them again one more time.
Anything for a chance to tell them how much I cared
and I can feel some peace because I know somehow they must know
yet I can't let those still here become mere phantoms in my memories
photos in a scrapbook.
I can't be this fool who cries inside anymore.
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