Its been a minute since I wrote here. Just been recovering from that big incident with "that co-worker" which almost cost me my job. I thought he was my friend. Found out I didn't know him and that I really shouldn't trust or try to be friends with co-workers. Well at least not in this particular field anyway. I thought I was in love but now I question how or why I could possibly be in love with someone who doesn't care whether I live or die. Why would I have feelings for or want to help people who have only secretly harbored feelings of destruction for me since day one. I clashed with this guy on the very first night we worked together. Several other conflicts took place later. Theres a saying about when people show you who they are the first time.... I was trying to do the right thing when I went to my boss and not really trying to get anyone in serious trouble. Merely attempting to get results because of certain things going on that were causing problems. Really I was not happy about the taking of breaks and not calling it out on the radio. Expecting me to just know when dude clearly had no clue what time I was taking my breaks. Other stuff got brought into the mix. I think I am transparent to a fault at times yet my intentions were misunderstood. Shit blew up and higher ups got involved. HR got involved. Through it all I kept silent about somethings. He didn't. Certain things were brought up. I was made to look like a fool. I still think higher ups know more about stuff but were just waiting for me to bring it up yet it was never my intent to try and get revenge. Honestly. Having feelings for people can make folks do stupid things and I admit that I should have handled things differently. I should have never told dude I cared but I did and here we are. Anxiety kicked back in and I needed to take precious time off work to get my head clear. Right now things are tense between us. I realize I can never trust him again so I don't talk to him because I feel he betrayed me by showing our bosses an old text I sent him just basically saying I liked him. He likely feels I did the same thing I guess because I went to our bosses about our clashes. Meanwhile someone reported me for bringing a drone on-site and photographed me using a tablet at the desk.... It's hard to not be mad. Thoughts of our arguments make anxiety flare up to where I wake up with my heart pounding and sometimes a nausea grips me. Yeah. Higher ups told me I need to figure out a way to be professional. Consider myself lucky and keep things civil which was something I was actually trying to do although it kinda blew up in my face. As a result things have changed at the job and we are not allowed to use our laptops at the desk anymore. Some co-workers are more distant. (Some have always been distant and weirdly cruel when I've tried to be friendly) Then again things in some other departments are tense because of problems. Folks have told me they are thinking of leaving or changing positions due to inner turmoil with others they work with. Some co-workers have all but vanished for whatever reason and we're short staffed much of the time. Everybody's going thru their own shit. All the time. In this new reality we've been shunted into. Come to work. Do my job. Because I need this job. For the pay and benefits. Keep my head low. Don't do anything to rock the boat and stay motivated by focusing on projects. Collect a check and go home. Control my emotions and don't let them control me. That's the new motto from now on until forever. (Or however long I continue working at the lgbt center)
The world continues to turn. Donald Trump still refuses to concede even though he clearly lost re-election. His followers still believe anything he says which is crazy. Its gotten really dirty out here with folks receiving death threats and people showing up at rallies with guns. The Rona is still causing all kinds of problems because folks are not being safe and businesses are closed or shutting down. California faces a possible full shutdown if things don't get better as these hospitals are filling up. Some places that didn't even have high infections have become hot spots now unfortunately. There is good news however as London has a vaccine they are already staring to distribute. Its said to be 90% effective. It can't come soon enough because alot of people are not really being careful and there was plenty of folks traveling over the turkey holiday. As weird as Halloween and Turkey day were I imagine Christmas will be just as unusual. What with people being encouraged to stay indoors and businesses being closed. Then theres also curfews in effect. Playstation 5s and Xbox series X/S are hard to get due to scalpers using hacking techniques to snatch up all systems when they go on sale then reselling them for crazy prices. Chuck Yeager just died. (He broke the sound barrier 1st) While all this is going on I am still focusing on my comic book project. The artists are churning out outwork constantly and I'm on track to start back filming next year on the Sasquatch webisode when the director I hired (one of my writers!) returns from a trip to India. My brother is slated to help me on some projects too. This is something I have always wanted. Will probably fly him out here in a few months. I've also started being more accessible to family. Obsessing over charities. Investing in other companies involved in movies,comics and cartoons has become a hobby too but I'll talk more about that later. Still planning to put things in storage soon and start finally setting money aside to move next year. A cool potential romantic interest has recently entered the remix tape that has become my life. So as insane as 2020 has been it hasn't all been bad. It has been one hell of a rollercoaster ride though.
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