I went to North Dakota to see "Captain Liberia" for a little birthday getaway. I think it was something I needed to do. I needed to get out of LA for a minute and I needed to just see what kind of connection I still have with this guy. As it stands I think the flame between us has dimmed. He piucked the worst possible moment to tell me he'd been with someone else and it was in that moment I came to realize and accept we are NOT on the same page romantically. Maybe the truth is we've never really been and I have just been blinded to it but for sometime now I have felt things were not going to end well with me and "Captain Liberia" I mean....honestly things are crazy right now with his life. Money is tight because his three daughters are living with him. One is special needs. Also he's is school and working almost all the time. Emotionally he has really nothing to give to anyone who wants a relationship. So the trip while kinda sobering wasn't a waste. I guess what I'm trying to say is I now know for sure where we stand and I am free with the knowledge I did try to love this man. The writing was on the wall and its time to move on. Although I suppose we will always be friends. I have no idea when we will see each other again.
It was strange being on the plane and they didn't offer any food. Everyone was wearing a mask and most people seemed to be sitting spaced apart. The middle plane seats as far as I could see were empty. Social distancing they call it. I found it kinda hard to breathe with that damn mask on. At one point I think I had some sort of panic attack when I tried to go to sleep with eye covers on. I had to sit up and take them off and sorta pull the mask back a bit so I could breathe easier. You find yourself stifling coughs or sneezes and whenever someone else coughs or sneezes you can just feel the energy change in the room.
Coming back to work was weird. A co-worker who normally seems mostly cool basically started tripping because I guess he felt I should relieve him since I was onsite early. That was the other day. Then when I came in to this shift a co-worker who has always been kinda weird and stand-offish with me even when he seems cool walked away when I asked him if he could hand me some keys. About two weeks ago a lady co-worker tried to put me on blast on the walkie talkie about abreviating her name and I was like why do you have to say that over the radio where everybody can hear it? Of course there was no response. I find myself getting pissed and really wondering if I am gonna be able to stay on this job with some of these people but then I remind myself that alot of folks that work in particular fields or at night lack certain social skills and some folks here are ghetto as hell with seemingly no home training in etiquette or how to communicate. Then some people just want to lash out at the nice guy who seems happy all the time like a big kid (when he's really a grown ass man with his own problems to worry about) Sometimes I get the idea some people might even feel threatened by me or envious but whatever. On top of that a certain person here will sit with his heater on him all night even when the thermostat is at a high temperature. He even goes to other floors and raises the temperature. I swear he has an issue with his body temp and I told him he should see a doctor because this is not normal but of course he just brushes me aside and acts as if its nothing. Probably because noone else has ever dared call him on it. At the counter he will adjust the monitors after I move them and also when I tape the charger for our job iphone (so the cord won't be on the floor) he will come right behind me and move the tape. I often wonder if he does these things to try and start an argument. I don't know and I'm just tired of saying anything. Often when I come to the console theres boogies or nose hairs and I ask him about it and he tried to turn it around saying he notices that after I leave. (Really???) These are only a few of the things I have to endure on top of the usual insanity from residents or homeless folks/druggies outside and trans prostitutes that hang around on the property. Sometimes folks who work in other depts are weird too. Not just with me but with other security too. Also there is a serious problem in here with little tiny flies and mosquitoes. In truth every job has "stuff" and you gotta be able to mentally transport yourself above it all. Some days are better than others. I just gotta keep my eyes on the prize. Focus on projects. Save money and take comfort in the fact I am not gonna be sticking around here for much longer. Ideally till Feb 2021 at the latest. I need to be around some more emotionally well rounded folks. Tired of dealing with crazies all the time and being taken for granted.
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