About a week ago I was in Ralphs and about to check out. All my groceries were on the conveyer/counter thing and I was waiting for this other person to finish checking out. I seem to recall they were taking a very long time. But I wasn't tripping at all until this little middle eastern girl who was RIGHT behind me just sort of leaned over and coughed....right on my groceries. I was like "You need to cover your mouth when you cough" The father seemed kinda oblivious but he got where I was coming from. The cashier agreed with me that there are alot of folks running around coughing and sneezing without bothering to cover their mouths and it also seems to be a cultural thing.

Donald Trump is in the news alot these days. I guess the truth is he is always in the news. The democratic party seems intent on impeaching him. I don't think its gonna work. See what happened was there was a phone call where Donald Tramp er Trump asked another politician from Ukraine to give him some dirt on a political rival. So now everyone is all running around trying to decide if Trump broke any rules by doing what he did. From where I stand Donald Trump has done and said alot of things that would have seen Obama driven out of office but I won't go there. From where I stand it appears Trump can say and do whatever he wants whether its right or wrong the Republican party will support or defend him or simply say nothing. Just pretend it never happened. Just to be clear I have republican friends who think Trump is a clown. I just wonder if he is a lesser evil. Its not as if the democratic party has clean hands either. None of these people are perfect but I find it hard to believe any of them really have my best interests in mind. I mean do any of them really care about me or my respective communities or do they just want our votes?  Yeah you might say I have lost faith in politics among other things. Stop trying to manipulate me and just bring about some positive change why don't you?

Started the anxiety program at Kaiser Monday. Until I'm done i will be off work. The program is three weeks. I had to jump thru some hoops to get the time off approved. As stressful as that was at least HR at my job was awesome and really helped me survive the process. The program is structured like a class and you have a bunch of folks mostly stressed out over their jobs. The facilitators give us solutions for stressful situations or difficult people. We learn techniques and exercises to cope. Breathing exercises and stretches....visualization stuff. It helps to know there are other folks dealing with this shit. I mean you go to work and deal with stuff but then stuff builds up and some of us are just built differently and can't process shit like the majority or we simply reach that threshold where we need help to keep us from completely losing it. I guess like Madonna says "Its a set up until you're fed up" I wake up heart racing....headaches come frequently and then there are triggers that send me to places. I rarely leave the house and have drastically stopped cleaning up. Not writing as much. Sometimes I feel numb and things I used to do to help don't help as much and I keep fantisizing about wanting to go back in time to fix all the things I have fucked up in my life. There are times it feels kinda hopeless and that no one will ever love or understand me. My mind goes into dark places and its a struggle to climb out at times. Haven't called home in awhile and that approaching filming date just seems so fucking far away because the script never seems quite right. I look at my body and it feels off. It should be stronger,better and eventually I'll start exercising yet when is that day gonna come? I could get Sir Nathan to help me but theres a worry its gonna get expensive. Someone from the Daughters scenario has been contacting me about working with them on a project but its like salt on a wound. You want my help with writing when you threw out all my story elements from another project? It just doesn't make sense. Why wouldn't you just work with another writer? I still have not forgiven you on some levels and need space.

Google came out with a new videogame system the other day. Its really just an application technically because there is no console. All you have is a controller and a chromecast device. The games are streamed from Google servers onto whatever device you wanna use. Tablet, smart tv or even your phone. Trouble is most folks do not have internet strong enough to handle these streams. Also you can't download any games. They should allow some wiggle room on that because it really means if you lose internet access there goes the access to your games. I tried Sony's streaming service awhile back and Xcloud sounds intriguing but the thought of no downloading options or even taking away physical media altogether makes me uneasy. Companies would have too much control over your stuff.

Tyler Perry is making moves again. He is the owner of the largest black film production company in the world. He bought up a military base years ago and converted it into a humoungous studio. I wouldn't mind the opportunity to work with Tyler one day. I mean....I do like the Madea films. Also its great having someone doing some positive things in the community. Plus he gave one of the Duke boys a job and he always has the sexiest brothers in his stuff. I guess I am just waiting on Tyler Perry to get involved in horror/fantasy and sci-fi material. Those are my genres. (Yes I am aware he was in Star Trek)

I dunno. For the longest I have been thinking about perhaps doing some sort of nerd oriented talk show or program featuring pop culture related topics geared more towards others who might be able to relate to my life. Just seems there is a demographic out there being ignored by the major players and for the right person with the right idea it could help alot of people plus it would be a goldmine of opportunities you know? Could provide outlets or jobs. Could launch a franchise or sorts but the big quetsion eating at me is where to start and who or what should be the face of this operation? You have to start somewhere and then build. Could be that the answer lies in these new short stories I have been working on and the relaunch of my SOL universe.