Confessions of a sad superhero book 148

 "Writing frees me"

So I'm here at the Grove bookstore again. I guess this is my other getaway spot since I'm hesitant about riding over to Long Beach after what happened the last time I rode the train. I ordered this mango cheesecake and a caramel macchiato (hot). Also grabbed a red bull for later. Watermelon flavor I think. I needed to get out and write. So much going on inside so I'm here at this crowded coffee shop armed with my trusty Asus laptop and yes the Steam Deck is at the ready in my backpack. I went to see Mad Max Furiosa just before coming here. It was a long and action packed epic. I mean I love the first Mad Max and I knew I'd like this one but I wasn't sure if I'd come out to the theater to watch it. Movies are kinda expensive. It cost me $20.00 to watch Furiosa. I sat as close as I could to the front. I usually try to sit away from other people because everytime somebody moves it screw with my peripheral vision. Still the reclining seats were nice. Was that what the $20.00 was for? Anyway this Memorial day weekend is flying by and I've been just laying around trying to get out of some kind of funk. I was at home laying in bed watching Spawnwave on Youtube when my next door neighbor started doing their tap on the wall routine they have often done in the past especially if I am talking on the phone. My guess is they probably thought I was talking and they do these little things to annoy me. Its weird and this has I kid you not been going on for over 20 years. Often they watch me through their peep hole and sometimes they rattle it loud enough to get my attention if I'm coming or going from my place. I don't even like talking about it but someone once told me this is someone who is mentally ill and I should not give energy to it. Anyway I was pissed off when I was leaving out and stuck up my middle finger because I knew they were watching me leave out for the movies. Speaking of the movie it was AMAZING! I will try to sum the story up best as I can...So theres this little girl named Furiosa who is out in the woods with another little girl and they are gathering apples. Its made clear that they are probably doing something wrong and they definitely have wandered further away from their village than is allowed. Anyway Furiosa and the other girl notice some outsiders are near. Apparently these are bad men so Furiosa goes over to stealthily sabotage their motorcycles. Unfortunately Furiosa isn't as good at stealth as she likes to believe because one of the men catches her in the act and so she is taken. She manages to blow this whistle though which alarms others in her village. Some village folk give chase including Furiosa's mother who handily takes out most of the guys who have taken Furiosa all except one who basically limps with Furiosa into the camp.  The leader of the camp (Chris Hemsworth) is trying to get the location of Furiosa's camp from the man who brought her there but he has been grieviously wounded and dies before being able to say anything and Furiosa just remains silent. Furiosa's mother arrives at the camp and liberates Furiosa. A chase ensues and after a desperate battle both are caught. Furiosa has to watch her mother get killed because they refuse to divulge the location of the village. Furiosa is taken under the wing of the leader and she ends up being traded to this ruler of a city as some sort of peace treaty like agreement. As time goes on Furiosa rises up through the ranks and becomes a certified bad ass. She ends up becoming friends with this guy who is some sort of royal smuggler I guess. The way this happens is she saves his ass from a horde of would be thieves. Seeing her potential he decides to take her under her wing and train her to become even more of a bad ass. (Quite a bit of coughing and sneezing going on in this place. I often wonder why folks don't take medicine to keep these symptoms at bay when they go out in public) Okay so back to the movie...Furiosa and smuggler dude end up getting in serious like with each other and they get involved in a scheme to trick Chris Hemsworth but things go wrong and after some more epic chases and battles smuggler dude is killed which really pisses Furiosa off even moreso than she already is and she goes all stabby shooty with the vengeance until she attains her oh so important goal of un-aliving Chris Hemsworth for killing her mom and all those other nasty things he has managed to rack up in the almost 3 hour run time of the film.The end. Having said all that I really enjoyed the movie and yes that means it along with Godzilla Minus will eventually end up in my physical home video collection. Also yes I do recommend it to anyone who likes action flicks because in this movie the action comes fast,furiosa and so often its nearly exhausting in a good way of course! (I'm listening to Alfa Mist on Amazon music by the way)

The last time I spoke to my therapist she asked me to compile some of my dreams so I'm gonna start making compilations here. But thats for later. I have been having plenty lately. Not sure whats up with that. 

Things at work are still weird. I noticed when I came back from my little vacation a week ago someone ate my chocolate cake I'd left in the fridge. Also someone covered the stack of my comics one content creator at work had out on a table in his office. Also someone erased my response to these little random questions usually left on a bulletin board in one of the little copy rooms. Its also been brought to my attention people have been spreading rumors about me. I've tried to stay out of folks way as to avoid this nonsense but it bothered me enough that I mentioned it to one of my supervisors. It seems whatever mess someone was doing that got the center into trouble over illegal downloads...well somehow folks are just assuming it was me, saying it was me because I bring my computer to work to play games and try to stay out of their faces. Its never enough. People aren't satisfied even when you go out of your way to stay to yourself. Ever since I had that talk with a supervisor months ago after I "offended" a co-worker I have strived to adhere to her advice of only keeping conversations with co-workers at a minimum. Hello and goodbye you know. Best way to stay out of trouble. I used to wonder why some people are like this. Now I know it was because they are among the wise.

I guess the more I think about how strangely some folks have been behaving towards me it makes perfect sense someone is creating a false narrative. Yeah, I've always known folks talk but its something I don't dwell on. Am I to start handing out lawsuits then? I have often entertained the idea of suing folks and it seems extreme but sometimes a show of force is the only thing some people understand. I think it would freak people out because they are assuming one would not go that far...

Production on the SonsOfLegend film will pick back up soon. I'm thinking next month. The script is done and I'm having someone do a comic book illustration. Since I'm planning on getting storage space I've gotta start pinching pennies. I will do the crowdfunding thing but I want to have a nice little "press it" done for that. This includes the comic and maybe a trailer. Could compile some of the older episodes too I suppose. Realistically I could shoot some sort of teaser to build awareness for SOL. Also I'm building a connected universe. Was always doing that until everything got derailed by Brianopolis and company because they didn't understand or believe enough in what I was doing. The cinematographer thinks we could shoot everything for under 10 grand and I could raise that myself . It would just take more time and crowdfunding would work faster and I wouldn't be broke. So far I cut out some of the streaming services and I'm making conscious effort to curb my spending. Not that I live extravagantly but the constant Lyft and Uber rides back home and to work have to stop. I decided not to buy anymore new videogames until next year...well maybe I will cut my fast when Nintendo releases their new console. I have more than enough games and systems to keep me busy for awhile plus theres that backlog. Still planning to go home to see family. Florida (Mom) for Halloween and I think I will go see my father in NC for Thanksgiving. So I gotta start putting money aside for that. Need to get some much needed dental work done. So theres that. Also theres the not so small matter of me renovating or de-cluttering my apartment. I'd like to do more Nerds With Badges episodes. Maybe I could become a real mover and shaker as a content creator. God knows I never really run out of things to talk about yet theres the elephant in the room. I think I need a co-host or at the very least guests. The last time I shot NWB it wasjust me and Miguel. Its odd that some folks who seem to like some of the things I like have such a hard time talking about them or joining forces with someone else to build something bigger together. Guess we all express our passion differently and some of us are just lone wolves.

Confessions of a sad superhero book 147

Tues and Wednesday I didn't go to work. I have been feeling kinda out of it lately plus I had a slight cold and a headache that lasted for days. So I took two days to recover. I think sometimes my body reaches a point where it needs time to deal with stress or a cold and when I take time off my body is like...okay now we can get sick and feel messed up but when we are on the job gotta stay up. Its weird I know. Still I definitely needed those days. For physical and mental relief. Speaking of mental health my therapist called me Wednesday and I spent around 30 minutes catching her up on everything thats happened since we last spoke which was quite some time ago. Its hard to believe Ashley's baby is almost two now. Time flies. This is great for her though as she has been able to have more time for clients. Ashley wants me to give her a dream journal since I told her about my frequent dreaming. I think I probably dream more than anyone else on this planet. Its funny though that I usually have vivid dreams after intense masturbation. Right at that moment of explosion I often experience this white flash and I just know from past experience a dream or some dreams are coming. No pun intended. (People around here at the workplace are doing plenty of sneezing or coughing. I have noticed most of the time people still cover their mouths with their hands or not at all and I often wonder why folks don't use cough drops or something when they have a cold...) 

Anyway I am supposed to be going on vacation next week yet no one seems to know where the paperwork which I had approved last month is so I'm stressing over that even if I am wondering if I should even take the time off since it looks like I won't be going out of town for the Michigan Comic Con I'd planned for. Lack of finances. I could get my tickets at the last minute as payday is a few days before the event but I dunno. The Dangerous African and i had a talk the other day via Facebook Messenger and I'd really like to go visit him now especially since he basically has an empty nest. Alot of drama has gone down with that man and his kids over the years and let me tell you he is sooo happy to finally be free after having to put some folks out. Flights to North Dakota are kinda pricey though so we'll see how I feel or what happens regarding my time off paperwork. 

-To Be Continued-

Confessions of a sad superhero book 146

I came in to work hours ago with the intent that I'd catch up on all that has happened but its been like this for awhile now. Not sure why I put off certain things that are important to me. Also I don't wanna just come her to write about bad stuff all the time. Sometimes its the really little things or quiet victories as they say... Anyhow a certain co-worker who I have been having issues with didn't show up today. Its possible he called off and nobody told our supervisor. Hopefully thats the case. I mean we have our issues true but I don't wish dude ill will. I just wish he would just change some of his ways. But people are people and you gotta let folks be who they are. He comes in late often and sometimes it is a chore to work with him because he doesn't take this job seriously which worries me because I have seen the bad things that can happen when people get too relaxed working here. Like my stuff getting stolen last year around this time for example. Speaking of getting too relaxed last night after a maintenance worker left a homeless woman walked in before the door shut smelling strongly of piss. She REALLY didn't wanna leave and I had to get up from the desk and use my "Dad Voice" to get her out. Then in the morning on my way home from work I had something funny and bizarre happen to me on my way home in an Uber...

Continued- (To Seal greatest hits on amazon music)

I'd rolled my window down in the back seat to let in air because it smelled a bit weedish in the car and after we'd gone a few blocks I heard this slapping sound coming from my right outside so I turned to look out the window to see what it was all about and this trans prostitute named Coko was standing near a corner in a thong and little else. Standing there making her butt cheeks clap. That was such a freakish situation and the driver just looked straight ahead with an expression that mirrored my thoughts. Insanity and is this real world? I guess it is. I did say thats crazy and he agreed with me with not exactly a laugh. I started thinking what a life this person has and how crazy it has to be to let a doctor cut away your body parts and to have to be out in the streets living like this. People pay you for sex. Some people will actually find this acceptable for a sex partner and how can you survive even with programs to help especially with no medical insurance or whatnot. I keep trying to imagine what dude looked like before he became a dudette and what will he do when they hit 75-80 years of age. The real crazy thing is they probably have had sex more times than I would in several lifetimes. I think about having sex with someone else and it feels like its something that happened a lifetime ago. Seriously. And at times it feels like going forward this is gonna be only something I can fantasize about because maybe some switch in my mind has stifled that part of me which used to be so much more alive. 

Been having some interesting dreams lately. The other day I dreamt of being in a forest with what seemed to be a class of kids (20s at most) and we got spooked because we heard a sound we thought was a bear which made us turn around to leave quickly. I grabbed a stick as others grabbed stones or branches as well in case we had to defend ourselves. I had to help this one young girl who was having trouble keeping up. When we exited the forest we came upon this warehouse or dock near a bridge where one of the kids went to purchase something to smoke from what appeared to be warehouse workers.

The co-worker came in late. Said he was in a motorcycle accident. I asked him if he was okay and he said he was but his friend (he was riding with I guess?) was in the emergency room. I saw no scratches or wounds but whatever. Not my business. He did ask me in a strange way if I wanted to rotate when I returned to the desk from my break. I just said it didn't matter but I was annoyed the way he asked me. He goes something to the effect of "If I ask you a question it can go left with you so I just wanna be clear with my question" So this was kinda douchey because it was in a way bringing up the past which has been rocky to the point I only speak to him on a hello and goodbye or work related only basis. He really should have said would you like to switch? Yes or no? Nothing else was needed to pour salt on something. He also left the gate open as usual. I don't wanna give anymore energy to this because I have so many other things to worry about in my life that matter but it continuously stings having to work with irksome folks. I suppose everybody can relate to that. I guess until I get powerful enough in society and can get to the place where I am not around low vibrating folks I'm gonna have to deal with this type of BS even when I go out of my way to tune people out. I thank the Lord for my music. My videogames and my comic books. My creative works. All those LOTR and Harry Potter marathons. All these things that help keep me from turning into a supervillain...  

Speaking of creative works... I did an episode of my podcast last week. Its actually gonna be edited into two episodes but I was a bit bummed out since my guest did a no call no show which forced me to basically have to wing it with my cameraman. Honestly I would like to redo because I don't feel really good about the whole thing. I dunno. Perhaps when I see what the edits look like I might change my mind. I did have an idea about adding a Lego segment with a co-worker who does Lego model sets all the time for a hobby. He did a Lego Easter Bunny for me for Easter! The podcast is gonna cost me ALOT so I am really not sure if I'll do another one like that with a cameraperson. I really need to learn how to edit my own stuff. Professionally I mean. Theres this guy...Carlos. He's one of my actors from the SOL days. Says he wants to help out and is down for building something even if I can't really afford to pay him. He was actually part of why I canceled some past podcast shoots as I couldn't afford to pay him. Maybe he sensed that? Anyway I do need a co-host for my podcast and I'd love to have a regular one who gets me. Yes I'm a bit leery after what happened with my last co-host. Still the truth is...well it takes a village to raise a production company. Basically. As hard as it can be to deal with other folks I really do need to partner with some like minded individuals. 

To be continued-

Confessions of a sad superhero book 145

 Listening to Cameo greatest hits on Amazon music.

I guess I'm just killing time while a video of some gameplay I did on the weekend uploads to Youtube. First off I was talking to this guy from Uganda earlier about a what I was thinking of doing for my birthday and also about my plans for Comic Con in Detroit then he told me he was planning to go to Detroit around the same time as my birthday for an African concert he already VIP for and got him a room for lodging. I mean its tempting to get out of my comfort zone and do something different you know but I just worry my anxiety might be a problem. Sometimes crowds work my nerves then again when I go to comic conventions its not really an issue. It helps me that I am usually videoing everything so I suppose thats my version of holding a glass of something at a club or a cigarette to help keep my mind occupied. Looking through the lens helps me when I have auditions for actors too. Its a weird little thing to keep the nervousness at bay by not looking directly at a person. I've often wondered if some of these things I deal with can maybe be in some way cured or is it just gonna be me duct taping it forever. Lady Gaga said getting rid of some mental issues would cripple her creative aspects. I dunno. What kind of person would Sergio be without the healthy servings of weirdness?

I ordered some pizza last night using free Domino credit I didn't know I had but I got the wrong kind of crust. The crust was thin and crunchy. I told a co-worker it was like eating crackers with pizza topping on it. Just was craving pizza really hard and lately I find myself often feenin for that garlic crispy pizza I usually order with chicken and green peppers on it. I often joke Dominos puts crack in that pizza but it really is unusual for food to affect me this way. Well unless its 2 am and I smell them making fresh donuts at the donut place nearby. Well it looks like my upload has finished. The video was of me playing Mario Kart on my Wii U over the weekend. Nintendo killed the servers this week so all of us who still were using our Wii U's online features just had to eat it as a feature we've had for like 15 years was stripped away. Its kind of like me selling you a car then 10 years later I just say "Uh no sorry. You can't sit in the back seat anymore" Think about it. This digital age is certainly a double edged sword. More about this subject later...

Confessions of a sad superhero book 144

(To Frankie Beverly Anthology and EWF via Amazon music)

I got a call from my sister Monday. Fatisha. She left a message to let me know she had accidentally called her son by my name and just wanted to call to let me know I was on her mind and to check on me. I was just in the middle of texting to let her know all was well when she called again in response I'm sure to my dropped call as I meant only to text her and not have a phone conversation. Whats wrong with me that keep such a distance from family? I guess I keep a distance from everyone these days. Its always I'll get back in touch or go back around everyone when I'm like rich and famous or something. Theres this feeling of not quite measuring up and wanting to have everything perfect when I decide to show up. Meanwhile everyone is getting older or drifting away. My non-relationship with Joshua should be a perfect lesson to me not to keep myself distant as its a double edged sword. Yes you have certain benefits be staying distant yet you are burning the forest down to save the trees which really makes no sense. Fatisha and I have a psychic thing. I am not sure if she even remembers that time in a supermarket when I looked over in her direction to get her attention then she turned to look directly at me. I can't say that anything is particularly wrong in my life tight now. I mean to say there are definitely things I am worried about but nothing Earth shattering going on at the moment. I gotta get some work done on my teeth and thats always something in my head because of how costly it is for implants. I have really been obsessing with getting my comics done and trying to not be broke in the process. The last few months were kinda crazy because I over extended myself financially and this paycheck here was..well its the first in a while I wasn't in the red. Or is it the black? I was late like a week with rent last month. Two days late this month but next month I will be caught up and I do plan to start paying my rents well in advance for that inevitable day I decide I'm ready to quit here. They do say always put aside alittle something for a rainy day and its true. Sometimes it helps to have two accounts also. One for fun and the other for serious stuff. I actually have several. Not much in either. I always make sure to hold on to a bit of money from my tax return. Then theres my BOA which is for the serious things and a Chase account thats supposed to be for fun yet I keep having to dip into it for you know survival. I have been also accruing a little cash from investments. Nothing to write home about but its nice to know I have money that will keep increasing as long as I keep working and cents just keep trickling into it over time. The things I am interested in are tech and medicine as these fields will always be in demand. I am especially interested in the development of prosthetics (Of course I have The Six Million Dollar Man and Bionic Woman shows to thank for that interest!) Like I said its not alot and I'm being modest yet with more discipline I think I'm gonna be okay. The only problem I am working on is well I have got to start stopping on buying anything thats not a neccesity. Not gonna lie...sometimes it eases stress buying things I like. Sometimes it eases stress getting satisfaction of seeing a project done yet if I'm nearly broke much of the time how is that really healthy for my nerves? My hobbies are comic books and video games. Also I like to travel every now and then. Also I like to eat. Something I may have over indulged in over the last few years as evidenced by the pot belly. Its just that I seem to go back to the words of Eddie my stepdad who says you should spend your money. Enjoy it because you can't take it with you. Of course if I were rich that would be a much more realistic goal right? 

I have this guy on facebook who has been liking much of what I post. He seems to have hinted he likes me in a roundabout way but I'm not sure. I dare not try to pursue anyone right now because I am still so shook from getting past dude at my job who I have not spoken with in a year. Its so weird remembering going out to lunch with this guy and then even going to amusement parks together and now we just act like we don't know each other. To this day I never found out exactly what happened between us. I have speculated reasons. Its very likely there was someone else in the picture and thats why he was so worried about me taking photos or of us being seen together at the park. Maybe I turned him off. Maybe the clutter in my place was the issue. He did offer to help but I just told him I'd work on that by myself even though its become clear I do need someone to help me with that undertaking. Perhaps it was the awkward intimate moment. All I have is well guesses really but it hurt me so much to stay away from someone I was convinced had an element of danger to them. I feel we are not compatible and yet still a year later he does cross my mind often enough to be annoying. Especially when I think back to how upset I got when I realized how stubborn this guy is when it comes to the realms of science. Yeah, he does not believe dinosaurs actually existed. I'm not kidding. Despite our differences I fell pretty hard for a guy I barely knew and everytime I think about how much pain it put me though over the past year it makes me swear I'll never put myself in a position to get hurt again by some fool who will always ultimately reject me for not living up to what they want. Love does hurt. It hurts some of us a hell of a lot more than others. In the end you survive but you're never quite the same because well you lost a part of yourself. The real crazy thing is the other person walking around and going on as if nothing ever happened. The stark reality that YOU don't matter can sting so much. But as Jill Scott said in one of her songs...everything aint for everybody. Something to that effect. But you get the idea. One really bad romantic situation can put the fear of God in you and make you say fuck all that. So yeah this me. Maybe in a few years or decades I'll feel differently but I'm not in a rush to put myself out there again. 

So whats going on in the world these days? The world outside my window. Things that may or may not effect me directly. There has been a growing movement regarding digital preservation especially where games are concerned. Folks are saying the games industry may be heading towards a crash. In some ways I feel these things may lead me to get more involved in this industry I have so much passion towards. Stay tuned. Like 300 something 99 cent stores have closed recently and part of it is because of rising crime. Sometimes its rent. Perhaps thats why my favorite burrito place shut down a few years past.  People in gangs running into stores and snatching stuff or just shoplifting solo is a big issue. Other businesses have had to shutter because of this. So much of the time it can be hard to find baskets to carry your items around in the grocery store since some people are stealing them. When you buy deodorant now its usually in some glass display cases you have to call a clerk to unlock for you. An entire mall in New York is losing tenants due to thievery. Speaking of New York my former home the national guard has to come watch the subways now because of robberies and crazy folks attacking or pushing people into the train tracks. I saw a video on Youtube the other day about a lady who a guy beat up and was about to be raped until a security guard heard her cries and swooped in to save her. The other night when I went to the local donut shop late as I always do some guys fake charged in my direction as I walked up the stairs simply because I'd looked over in their direction. People are literally losing their minds out here and there are times I wish I could just find me an island somewhere to live away from all this madness that seems to keep growing. There was a lady on Twitter who spoke about her daily thoughts of suicide and how she copes by finding something to look forward to even if its just one thing. I felt compelled to offer some encouragement because I know what it feels like when life makes you feel like your back is against the wall. Russia is cracking down on the LGBT community. Theres alot of hate going towards Disney for being too "woke" from folks who simply can't or won't accept diversity because they can't deal with non-white non-straight characters or women (or anyone of a marginalized group for that matter) being the stars of the shows.  Its so bad some of these people will do crazy stuff like review bomb stuff or straight up hack accounts out of malice. So much energy. It takes so much just to survive in this world yet they have it to spare to come for someone else. The LGBT community has already come under fire in Uganda to the point now it is straight up illegal to be gay. Now going back to New York again there has been a steady stream of migrants coming into the city and currently theres no housing for many of these people. There has been a growing number of conflicts with residents and migrants. Even the police have been clashing with some migrant gang types and its all a big mess. I remember years ago when Whoopi Goldberg said sometimes you gotta tune out from stuff going on or it can get overwhelming. Social media and the news sometimes gets to be too much with the negativity so you have to learn how to focus on not just the negative but also the positive. I dunno man...maybe listen to some music, go take in a movie or watch a cute/funny puppy,kitten(?) video sometimes instead of that video you wanna watch of the crazy naked fool chasing people down the street with a butchers knife. 

Work on the SonsofLegend film and my Nerds With Badges podcast has stalled for the moment. Meanwhile I should be getting copies of my other two comics this week. "Gerbilla" and "Gamer Granny" Its been taking so long but they just shipped from Florida (I believe) yesterday. It is my goal to have at least five comics out this year. (I'm on a number 5 kick  these days) So so far its been DragonManx,Gerbilla and Gamer Granny. Sasquatch And The Mythology Sisterhood are on the way and the Sasquatch book will have a back-up Detector Pig story in it. Detector Pig is one of my most popular characters that I used to make little comics of way back when I was a wee lad. That was a real long time ago. It was my dream to make a Detector Pig comic for many moons. Next up is a novel I'm doing about a young gangbanger drug lord who is coming to terms with losing everything even as he makes contact with his Mexican heritage (He's Blatino) On top of that he discovers he has inherited some very dangerous fire powers. See you knew there had to be a supernatural element right? The cover was done this week by the way but no colors have been added yet. I'm probably gonna work on getting my John Henry comic out this year too. That was finished some years ago and is my own unique spin on that story. I wanna go to Detroits Comic Con next month to promote my book but it appears my friend over there I wanted to go hang out with has ghosted me so if I do go I'll be staying in a hotel and doing Uber/Lyft back and forth I guess. Already got the time off approved. Birthday month is fast approaching as well and I wanna do something special. Perhaps I should go see my father as its been some years. Can't just go there when bad stuff happens. Last time I visited was when my sister passed. I do always take my birthday so a trip home to NC sounds like a good idea. I am tempted to go see Captain Liberia yet I've been keeping my distance from dude because I don't wanna get my feelings hurt. I still care for bro but I have to come to terms with a friendship basis connection because he is emotionally unavailable. He is into a certain woman now. Maybe he always was. Whatever. I'm not gonna hold that against him. You can only stay mad at a person for so long before you have to just let it go like Frozen. The annual Halloween trip to Florida is coming up and I wanna do something cool like usual. Last time it was Universal Horror Nights. I think Disney might do it this time around. It would be nice if I could go with my mother and Eddie although that might be over-reaching. I am looking forward to 2025 and what progress it brings. The plan is to quit here around May so getting all my projects done by then and saving as much as possible has become my newest mission in life. Looks like its gonna soon be goodbye to some of those streaming services and no more new games for awhile...!

Confessions of a sad superhero book 143

 -At the Starbucks at the grove again. Just back from seeing the film The American Society Of Magical Negores- 

Also not sitting with my back turned away from everyone this time. Anxiety progress?

Moving on as I hastily place some of my comics in plastic covers to distribute....

Just the other day at work (or rather the other night) my zany co-worker was trippin. This guy will literally walk out the door then immediately call out several areas he supposedly has patrolled even though he just stepped outside. To my knowledge no one ever seems to notice or call him out. First he in a roundabout way accused me of taking his mailed Amazon packages. (He also asked me if I was OCD or something because I always complain about the cord to our company iPhone being on the floor like 98% of the time. He asked another co-worker the same thing I heard one morning) "Do you think you might have accidentally picked up one of my packages?" He asked me that because he'd seen me bringing some boxes over from our other building across the street earlier where I always get my packages delivered. Thats because I have had some things stolen before from my apt building. I was kinda flabbergasted and told him no. That was weird really. I was like "I'm not that old" I mean just to assume I would take your packages...! Then Saturday morning he asked me after coming back to the desk area to listen to music "Uh can't you  watch that upstairs?" (I was watching a Blerd without fear video on Youtube) I was like huh? Then I had to remind him he was supposed to actually be on patrol and he was tripping and that he should ay no to drugs. He somehow managed to get the time mixed up. This is honestly just a few of the numerous events at work that make me question the sanity of folks I work with. 

I can feel this person sitting nearby who has been staring at me since I came in here but I've mangaged to tune them out for the most part. Anyway I'm glad I bought my backpack with two laptops in it since the battery died just now in my Asus Chromebook. (Right now I'm on the Asus Chromebook) The voice inside told me to charge the Chromebook before I left this morning but I didn't listen. Need to be more careful in the future. Its important to me that I get out and give myself a chance to work on social skills as opposed to just sitting at home you know. So maybe every Sunday going forward I should drag myself out to see a movie and then afterwards grab a coffee. To compliment the caramel macchiato I got a lemon pound cake slice and a strawberry lemon pudding bar. Last time it was a lemon poundcake slice with a cheesecake lemon danish. I wore green since I think today is Saint Patricks day. I did miss the first 10 minutes of the movie but I figured I'd get the home video when it releases. Now I'm not so sure. From seeing the trailer the impression was there'd be more action but that wasn't the case. In fact there was no real action. This was a love story. More of what you'd call a dramedy. Pretty light on spectacle or visual effects. This would have been more suited to a release on home video. I'd say lifetime but probably this would perform better on one of the services directed more at us black folks. The story revolved around the adorable Justice Smith who joins up with a secret organization of magically gifted black folks who use their powers to make sure the balance of the world doesn't go out of wack because white folks are unhappy. Justice meets a girl he likes but she just so happens to work for a company he works for and as luck would have it the same girl is his boss at his company. I know what a crazy coincidence right? Also as luck would have it the girl plays a part in Smiths first assignment to help a white person achieve happiness in the world. So of course the rules are that one cannot fall in love with clients yet this ends up happening. This is the only real danger element in the movie. If any of the "magically inclined negroes" break the rules EVERY other magical negro loses their powers. You'd think an organization that has been around for decades would have a failsafe in place in case this type of thing happened. I know...we have to suspend disbelief if we are to enjoy these stories right? (Sigh) My problem with this film was I wish going in that I knew this was more suited for home viweing because I like my theater flicks with big action scenes and some car chases here and there. Also there needs to be some kind of climactic confrontation. Like a super powered battle or a shootout/kung fu showdown. Something. I mean there were times the film dragged with dialogue and I felt it was needless. What was missing? Maybe a shadowy type counter organization that maybe benefits from white folks being unhappy. I mean there was another similar organization but this is going into spoiler territory so I'll stop here. Not a bad movie (and I'm glad to support it) but it needed a bit more seasoning for my taste. I give it a generous 4 out of 10. 

Oh I almost forgot I got blocked on Facebook earlier and the funny thing is I saw it coming. (Time to put on the headphones and the jazz music) Lawd a lady came back to her table saying she thought someone took her laptop and it was pointed out to her by another lady that it was sitting RIGHT there on the table in front of her! Am I indeed an oasis in a desert of incompetency? Okay so back to me being blocked. Like a couple days ago I posted something about a new film that just released based on an old tv show I grew up watching. The show was called "Fall Guy" and featured Lee Majors as a bounty hunter who also was a stunt man too I think. So this new film is loosely based on that concept and its also called Fall Guy and stars Ryan Gosling. Keep in mind I am a big fan of both Ryan Gosling since I first saw him in a movie called "The Believer" where he played a psycho skinhead. I grew up watching Lee Majors in a bunch of stuff but I will always know him as Steve Austin the cybernetically enhanced spy "The Six Million Dollar man!" So yeah one can say I have a soft spot for these guys. (Yes I did love Barbie too and it wasn't just because of all the masculine scented eye candy!) in my Facebook post I went on about how psyched I was to see the Fall Guy movie and then this guy named Lukas (Ironically he was featured in my first webseries SonsofLegend) Lukas was all "They need to stop remaking everything because Hollywood ran out of ideas" He said some other stuff but I can't remember. I just told him I was looking forward to the movie and Ryan Gosling seems to be unstoppable at this point to which Lukas goes "I just watched the trailer and it looks like trash and Ryan is not unstoppable because he didn't win the oscar" I just replied I never said Ryan was unstoppable and what is your point of coming on my post? Is it to convince me I should not like the movie or are you trolling because I like something you don't? Asking for a friend?" So when I got up this morning dude hadn't responded and he was like invisible when I searched for him on Facebook. So yeah I tell you people are losing their damn minds out here. Anyway Ima play some games on my Steam Deck for a minute then its off to the market for groceries and quarters so the laundry can get done. Tomorrow I'm to go to the dentist but I may push it back to next week. Oh yeah in other news I got my new company logo design. The name is Cryptid Cookout Productions!

Confessions of a sad superhero book 142

 ToAlfa Mist -Spotify Playlist-

A co-worker who is being all weird with me these days once asked me why I keep a blog and my answer of course was so that one day in the future someone could read this shit and get an idea of how life was during this time. That is truth but also this is helping me air out stuff so I don't become a super-villain. Most important of all I would like to believe one day someone will read these words and find somethig of use here to help them along my journey. I have been aided by reading others retelling of life experiences and it is important to as they say..."Each one teach one" or "Pay it forward" People have given me things so I need to give others things to help in my own way. What a world it would be if every single person on this planet felt the same way. Think about it.

Had another one of those interesting dreams the other day. I guess they all are interesting. Lee Majors was walking in front of me and my stepdad and I think a cousin I've not seen in many moons was there. I made a comment about back problems and solutions because Lee was walking funny. Lee then tossed me a rock. The next thing I know I am in a house and I think I was talking with some family members. There was a woman but who I'm not sure. Might have been my cousin Heather who I also haven't seen in forever. We were discussing going to see a drive in movie. Don't ask me why I dreamt that. I do recall maybe a few days ago running across who I think is Heathers nephew on Facebook in passing but the subconsciousness is a strange animal. I did use to be very close to Heather and her brothers growing up in North Carolina but we have all grown apart. Sometimes I think its because of the gay thing or maybe we simply don't have use for each other in each others lives anymore. I have fallen out of touch with many relatives. Just trying to make it here in Cali and being lost in my own thoughts so much of the time...I have missed many funerals so I suppose some folks might be mad at me. Its a perplexing feeling knowing you have a family yet at the same time you feel like maybe you really don't. I suppose no family is perfect though and I should count myself lucky to have what I do have. It wasn't/isn't all bad. Really. I do feel guilty at times when I ponder too much on this.

Word Play: POWER

Power. What is it? Do I have it? Everyone has some in some manner but for so long I have been the one answering to others and having to be mindful of incurring wrath if I deviate from some authoritative figure in my life. I think its safe to say its stunted my spiritual growth on some levels. Always feeling below someone and worrying about getting in trouble. It hasn't escaped me that some folks have used their powers on me. Manipulative and vindictive. Spiritually stunted yet in full realization of whatever gifts or tactics they use to get by and then they encounter someone like me who doesn't fully bend to what usually works for them. I am a challenge then to their perception of the world due to whatever limitations they have cuz some folks really never met a true artist or someone who can articulate and it scares them. Makes them act out because of insecurities. I am searching to have more control or power in my life and some who don't understand this drive come for me and I am frustrated at times when others don't want to join up to build something. Power. Like Seal said..."A sky full of people and only some want to fly" Indeed. I'm tired of answering to others and want to see how it feels to be a boss. I will have this. I need it to be free.