The New Year is here and its already feeling newer no pun intended. In some ways things are still the same though. People are still fighting and killing each other and I think we waste time on so many things while giving little attention to the things that really matter the most. Earlier in the day I was on Instagram and clicked on one of those videos with a warning about how the content was disturbing and I saw two men fighting and one of the men fell right off the train platform into the path of an oncoming train. Dude never had a chance. How many people die needlessly every five minutes and even witnessing something like that have we become numb to this? Sometimes I feel that my brain is trying to process so much at any given time its no wonder I've been finding myself feeling just...exhausted so much of the time. I get up...I go to work and then I'm right back at home again. I try to squeeze in time to do the things I really enjoy you know...watching tv, playing some games and then you gotta eat, shower, buy groceries. Try to squeeze in time to do the laundry. Squeeze in the time to call some peeps. Do some business. And we have just two days to recover from it all then we're right back into the routine. I had an interesting talk with an Uber driver tonight about how in his country (Iran) 40+ years ago their president wanted to give people four-day work weeks and the US played a big role in that not happening. We talked about the big homeless problem here in LA and how money and resources are being funneled elsewhere while here...we have so many problems to fix. We talked about all the rich and powerful Jews and Persian Jewish who own so much and could be doing so much more with their power as far as changing things. We talked about how some folks have so much money and power they control EVERYTHING. Politics. Law enforcement. Media coverage and how the public perceives certain things. We talked also about how so many people walk around not really giving a damn about whats going on in the world around them. People don't wanna get involved with politics or whats going on in their government and some refuse to vote. If they even know who their leaders are. Its always refreshing to connect intellectually with another person you know? With me its not always videogames, comic books, and superpowers. Even though folks outside looking in get that and some want to change me I have always been that multifaceted intellectual yet quirky individual trying to use what he has to survive in this ever-changing and complicated world we live in. Most will never see that. They will never see past my skin or social awkwardness but perhaps with the words I write here future generations will get a better picture of this man that I am...this man who is like Captain America a superhero twisted by fate and circumstance into something much greater to survive. I feel like Cap who woke up to find he was in a world that had changed so much he could barely recognize it from how it used to be. No matter how wonderous this world can be at times with all the marvels and advancements I can't help but at times wish I could go back to simpler times.
Finally caved in and got myself a bigger tv. Its a 43-inch TCL 4K 2023 smart tv. My Xbox Series S looks REALLY good on it. Its too bad my internet is so janky because its a struggle to stream 4K content. Still what with how crazy these companies are getting with digital content there has been some sort of movement to revive the physical media format even as some store chains are cutting that shelf space. Some companies remove your digital purchases over time for a variety of reasons. This has been getting more and more press recently. Folks who bought movies and games digitally going back to find out they can no longer access the content that they paid for. Been there do that and hated it. So I guess it really is a good time for me to be thinking about getting me a stand alone 4K disc player for my new tv. After I get my player that will be the end of most luxury spending for me as I move closer to production on SonsOfLegend. This was to originally be a short but I've decided I wanna do a full length project. This will bring me back into the realm of crowdfunding to raise the money and its something I feel confident in now that I saw the success of the kickstarter to fund my Dragonmanx comicbook. So much of my time and resources and concentration will be on this film for awhile I think its safe to say. But it feels good to be moving towards something. Much better than spending time thinking about dating or so overwhelmed by things going on that my mind feels numbed some times from it all. I honestly believe I am done with dating and a love life. These are things that have not worked out for me and in the past and considering how low my last attempt at being with someone took me I realize some of us are simply not meant to have such things. I've had some good situations true but its mostly been pretty dangerous for me and well...I can't look back at this point. In order for some of us to get what we want in life we have to give up some things. Is it fair? Does it make sense? Maybe it does. The more focused I am on chasing building my empire the more progress in life I make. So I won't speak for anyone else but for myself it definitely is a trade-off. Sometimes when I think of how invested I used to be in finding "that" LTR it is akin to hearing a faint whisper in my mind. I do dream frequently yet some dreams have to die for us to live. Having said all that I still believe one day I may find myself within some much-needed family dynamic but the romance phase...its just done. One thing I have been thinking about lately is getting me a fur baby. I think it would be cool having someone else to look after as it is my belief that animals are like spiritual air fresheners. Not a dog. Not a cat. Something smaller and low maintenance. What exactly? Perhaps a rat. Maybe a mouse. Could be something like a Chinchilla. Not big on rabbits. Not saying I don't like them but my experience with rabbits and even hamsters hasn't been that great. Gerbils and ferrets are nice but ferrets and gerbils are illegal here in Cali so theres that. Birds are cool but I don't really want one of those. Also, it would feel weird having someone who can fly confined in a space much of the time. Probably sometime this year when I've cleaned out the clutter from my place I'll get myself a critter. Whether or not I can bring them on trips is gonna be a bridge to cross when its time. Would be cool though to bring said fur baby home with me when I go visit family. Another thing over the years I've pondered is getting an emotional support animal. Your pets are that anyway (unofficially) but when its actually official you get more perks.
Earlier it was brought to my attention one of my supervisors sent me an email about me having my bluetooth speaker here at the desk to listen to music. Its strange that after a year he suddenly wants to take away something that helps keep my mind together at this place. A year ago I had a similar issue with a supervisor and it led to us having a big meeting and that resulted in upper management saying it was cool for me to have music. I tried to explain this to dude but he wasn't hearing it. I swear sometimes I feel that always having to look over my shoulder or having someone telling me what to do is stunting my development in some ways. What is it like to get up and go to work when you feel like it? What is it like to sign your own checks or to not to have to answer to anyone? I've never had that feeling of control in my life. Sometimes its like Magneto told Pyro about being a scorpion among ants. Someone with so much potential being controlled by lesser evolved beings so much that he forgets he should be the one making the rules. Sometimes I get the idea I should be more powerful in my life and for whatever reason only just now am I starting to experience real ambition. I can't keep living in a situation where I'm check by check and not really having the time and resources to live life to the fullest. It is true that I have become more responsible and more financially savy but its still not enough you know? Seems making films is my way out but other ways to rise up for me could be in other fields as well. Politics. Tech. Nerds With Badges has been getting neglected and sometimes its frustrating when you post content and you get no interaction from others. The tree falling in the forest with no one around to hear its sound. What is my demographic? Who watches or would be interested in my content? Gay people? Gay black people? Gay blerds? Gay nerds? Black people? Nerds. White women with nerd tendencies? Vampire blerds who date white people? These it seems are the things one must seriously ponder when creating content. Well if you wanna make any money or get those views and clicks. It is a tricky art to master...this process of doing what you enjoy and making a living off it. I don't need 100 million in the bank but I can settle for 12 million. I can.
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