Everywhere I have ever worked there is always at least one person who plays the role of arch nemesis for me. I guess every good superhero needs some good villains and my story definitely has more than a few. Honestly you can just mind your business, stay to yourself and people will still come for you. I have a situation at work with a maintenance supervisor who reported me to my bosses because he saw my computer that I leave at a table up in a room on the second floor. He claims my computer equipment makes it problematic for his workers to clean the area. Now I myself actually clean the area everyday before I use it because folks leave ood in the room often and the table is usuallly covered with grimey sticky finger prints and I don't wanna put my stuff on it because only God knows where the hands of those prints have been. I swear some folks are just so NASTY but anyway I'm wondering if this is something personal. Of course even if it is I can't prove anything and I really hope this isn't a racial thing. Dude seemed kinda okay even though I gotta admit I did get a weird vibe from him from the get go. Ever since I asked him if he had to wait long to get inside the parking gate (since another maintenance worker told me he asked her if she had to wait at times to get in the parking gate). I try tolet people understand our situation with the gate. Sometimes we have to leave the desk. Sometimes we have to use the restroom. Sometimes it might take a minute for us to see a person is waiting out of all the other monitors on that screen we look at. It would make more sense if folks could simply buzz themselves in via a card instead of just sitting there waiting for us to see them or calling us. Much of the time folks have tinted windows and they do just sit there waiting instead of calling and it can be a big risk letting folks in when we don't even know who it is. Some of the kids that live here are free to come and go as they please and we don't even know who they are when they sit there with the windows down. I had issues with another maintenance supervisor who took photos of my roku I used to have hooked up in the other building so I could listen to music and for people to watch movies on breaks. It just seems crazy that sometimes people will go out of their way to be assholes or power trip over small things overlooking the fact (we) security are constantly being put in potentially dangerous situations and are having to deal with so many other issues... I come to work and try to do my job to the best of my ability. So now YOU wanna come for the very thing that helps keep me centered in this place so yeah of course its gonna feel personal. I try my best to avoid certain types of people because they are trouble but every now and then I stumble into weirdos, people with hidden agendas or certain character defects that would under close scrutiny certify them as bullies. Then there's the occasional person with mental issues and I realize I can't exactly blame them for what they do just as I can't be all mad at a potential druggie or alcoholic since chemicals are running the show. But its frustrating as hell when you deal with someone who is evil yet sneaky enough to hide it and get away scott free most of the time because of circumstance or positions of power. I don't wanna make this about race but it has become abundantly clear due to secretly recorded conversations not all people of color are in unity. Its not always easy to identify racism but I wonder. I guess at this point I need to have a talk with my bosses about this situation because I just don't need anymore BS in my life right now. Especially since my creative energies regarding writing and filmmaking have experienced a recent re-surge. What I'm trying to say is that I have been feeling alot of inspiration lately. Been dreaming more too so this usually is indicative of renewed creativity. I can put that into my work so distractions need to go. It is my intent to work here a few more months and then just take a break from the 9-5 while putting more focus on creative outlets. Security has been good to me and I thank God for being able to put food on my table yet its needless to say there comes a time when you really need to move on in order to grow and that day is...well I can feel its very near. Tired of being in these environments and situations that threaten to tear me down and the weight of stress and toxicity along with having to deal with difficult folks drain so much from me there isn't nearly enough left for me to put into other things. Its just something that needs further thought. I think I'm just tired of eating BS and its taking a toll on me spiritually. Just add me to the long list of Americans who need to take a VERY long vacation.
On a side note someone who has hinted they'd like to take in a movie (Black Panther) gave me his phone number. So at least today wasn't a complete bummer. Of course I have to remember I have said I wasn't gonna be putting any energy into dating because I don't feel ready for it. I don't even like going to the movies with other people. Perhaps I'm putting too much thought into this? (Shrugs shoulders and shuts down laptop)
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