Confessions of a sad superhero book 180

 Dreaming again...

#1 Was in an amusement park. Seems I was with a family or group of friends maybe. I got lost or separated and after some women tried to help me (including an older Hispanic woman who seemed flirtatious) I ended up locked into a lab I managed to squeeze thru a door into.

#2 My sister Fatish was skating down this foggy street that sloped until she somehow fell down into an abyss. She dropped her cellphone and I  heard her below yelling so I aksed someone to go get a rope but some people who might have been nuns helped Fatisha up. She seemed unhurt. (I think seeing Nosferatu the other day influenced this dream)

#3 This penguin looking ceature was bouncing around these multicolored marbles as some other creatures(?) pursued him. He broke one of the marbles in half to consume something that made him stronger. Also an owl was there in a hole in a tree and it seems I saw a package arrive at my apt. Maybe I was anticipating the arrival of the new internet device being shipped from AT&T. 

#4 A cute Hispanic guy who looked like an Uber/Lyft driver was walking around singing a song about dying...I am sure he said Sergio you will die but this was actually mixing up with a song that was playing on the radio from KROQ at that time I was sleeping. The song was about dying. Sort of upbeat but it had a heaviness to it like the song Welcome to The Black Parade does.

Confessions of a sad superhero book 179

Been dreaming again lately. Of course most of this stuff tends to fade unless I jump up and jot it down really quickly. 

Yesterday...

Was crying because my Grandma Mary's dog "Killer" died and a little boy came to comfort me. Also a young girl came to put a blanket on me. I told Fatisha that the reason I hate going to funerals is because I fall apart. She told me it was how we let go or something to that effect. Then it seems like I was seeing a coffin which was reddish and kinda futuristic and ancient looking at the same time. I saw them lowering it into the ground and I was feeling dread wondering how I was going to hold it together after I was buried down there in the dark. I envisioned trying to hold my breath as I dug up through earth. Seems I said animals are like angels and the rest has faded from my memory.

Dec 15th

Was at a flea market type setting and was talking with these two little white kids. Both boys. At one point I scolded one because he was ripping the cover of two. I stopped him before he could complete his damage on one by snatching it and this startled him causing him to jump. 

Nov 27th

Bigfoot trying to get me and some white kid who ran into a bathroom closing the door to escape.

Confessions of a sad superhero book 178

 (To Duran Duran station on iheart Radio)

I called in sick last night. Really was feeling just drained and spiritually exhausted. Again. Still when your mind and body need it they will let you know its time to take a break. If only for a moment. I was able to do some soul searching and basically re-affirmed my goals. Got some things accomplished that I'd put off for awhile. Did my laundry. Two loads. Still have another load to do on my off days. Got my workplace medical insurance squared away after missing the deadline. Connected with my business partners on the Detector Pig cartoon. Its amazing how sometimes in life you can just get so caught up in surviving that everything else seems to fall to the wayside. I think that when your mind gets too overloaded it simply needs to take a moment to do a sort of reboot. Sometimes that moment lasts a loooooong time. In my case its been a year and some change. Heartbreak and life can hit hard. Add to the equation mental illnesses caused by stress and maybe genetic factors and well...I guess I can understand now fully why some folks disappear inside themselves sometimes. Sometimes folks be going through all kinds of shit in their lives and you just never know so like the saying goes...be kind. Sometimes it feels risky being kind though especially when I look around and see whats going on in the world around me. 

Tonight I was asked to work at a different location and I am so glad they called me before I left my place. This place is heavily under construction and when I came in I found myself getting irritated because the construction crew was blasting spanish music. I think they put on music because it was so quiet since I was dealing with getting my work cams to work with a supervisor who was on the phone but man...I have so much appreciation for most music -except maybe opera- but this shit just sounds like carnival music to me and usually it doesn't bother me but I ended up blasting music back to try and drown it out and I can tell at some points we were kinda battling each other for musical dominance. One of the workers from another department told me she was leaving the company soon because of how far she has to travel at night and with no car she is often in potential danger. She gave me a banana and a croissant before she left. I've known her for a few years now and she's really cool. I think she's from Mexico. I feel really bad for her because she was telling me about how some homeless guys took her sneakers one morning as she was heading home. She was forced to go home with only her socks. I think she has been mugged a few times because one of the construction crew guys told me there have been a number of bad incidents which is whats leading to her quitting. The crime is getting insane and there are so many people walking the streets who should be locked up somewhere. Somewhere they can either get treatment or rehab so they can become contributing members of society. I have been watching some crazy videos on Youtube about crazy criminal encounters and although I am somewhat traumatized by a bad police encounter. I have newfound respect for what law enforcement has to deal with. In another life I think perhaps I was a cop...

Confessions of a sad superhero book 177

 Had another potentially violent confrontation with another trans person and this time it was here at work. Just the other day it was at the 7/11 down the street. I  really wish some of these troubled individuals would be rounded up and placed in some sort of psych clinic to receive the treatment they need. Then they can become a productive part of society and the streets would be safer for the rest of us. I was talking to a co-worker and he was like even though they are a small part of the population they probably the ones who raise more ruckus. I was sitting at the desk and when this person I  will call "Sally" came to the dooor tapping to get in I followed protocol and called on the walkie for a supervisor of the dept to come and open the door. Seconds later Sally started going off about how this was all bullshit and abd people be playing games and just making a big fuss until moments later the supervisor came to let them in. They wouldn't even look me in the face when they came in and the supervisor let them into the housing area. Moments later I could hear them being very LOUD with the supervisor regardless to the fact alot of other youth were in their quarters sleeping peacefully. This went on for about a minute before I heard a door close and the supervisor walked away. About three minutes later the person came back asking me to assit them with getting belongings out of a cabinet in the room and when I told them I could not they got REALLY nasty and combative with me. He/she was like "I can take off this bra and get straight" I said "I can take off my bra and get straight too" That was right around the time when the supervisor came back as I'd called them to help the person before they got all crazy. Now see this is the type of thing that we as security have to deal with because these clowns know they can just talk to us any kind of way but they bite their tongues with the supervisors because they know they can kick them out I guess. Still "Sally" was copping an attitude with the supervisor who eventually ended up letting them go outside with no option to return till the next day. I told homeboy I wish I had his patience and he told me he was literally shaking from having to hold himself together. I looked in the mirror the other day and noticed how much grey hair I have these days and it really hit me why. 

Vampire: The Masquerade - Bloodhunt (PS5)

Confessions of a sad superhero book 176

Dreams: 

NOV 1st

1. Finding occupied igloos in the snow.

2. Sleeping and worrying about a cougar coming to get me.

Yesterday: Using TK to move some things around.

NOV 4th

Was riding in a car with Mel from Detroit. We went to this store where we had to get buzzed through a gate. This mysterious woman in black started coming after me when I got separated from Mel. I evaded her then had to fend off another woman who came after me with a stick. I kept feeling like I was in Vampire The Masquerade Bloodhunt but couldn't understand why I had no weapons. I told the lady that I didn't want to hurt her but managed to grab a small stick. I defeated her pretty easily and threw her onto a paddock before retreating. I managed to get out of the store and ran out into the night. Mel was waiting in the car in the parking lot and motioned for me to come on. 

People are so weird. Last week as I was getting out of an Uber I noticed a young guy doing something by one of the doors near the trash area here at my job. Since his back was turned I couldn't see what he was doing and just figured maybe he was peeing. (Someone did that tonight right in front of the parking entrance and it was actually a client staying here!) Anyway the dude looked at me funny and I think he said something but I wasn't really paying attention to him. People tend to stop and stare EVERYTIME I get dropped off in front and its ALWAYS a group of them. Just nosey as hell. So later during my patrol I saw what dude was doing. He took a condom and placed it right on the doorknob of the trashroom. Why would anyone do something like that? I'm pretty sure he's on videocamera too as we have cameras all around the building. Sometimes people really make me have a love/hate relationship with humanity. 

Well election day is today. Its Harris for me. Still something in my gut says we won't have our first woman president today. I hope I'm wrong in this and I'll be going to vote later when I get up. I'm just tired of Trumps shenanigans and hearing him always saying something crazy on the news. I wish no ill will towards him despite all he's done. I just simply want him to go away.

Confessions of a sad superhero book 175

 Took a trip to see my family in Florida for Halloween as I usually do and it was cool even though I didn't get to visit an amusement park this time around. I got a chance to see my stepsister Beverly who just went through a surgery on her leg. She had an infection which could have cost her her leg or even worse if left unchecked. She's in recovery until December and doing well. My little brother who has fallen into black sheep territory was nowhere in sight. I told my mother I must be dead to him and she said I shouldn't take it personally. He never calls anyone and they live right there in Florida. Well he calls when he needs something. I felt myself getting really emotional when I told my mother that. I mean to say it was strange feeling some tearful reaction wanting to surface. Joshua is going through some shit and I of all people know what its like to take time away to work on self yet dude has made so many wrong life decisions and he like so many other young black men seems addicted to smoking weed. I feel bad at times because I think maybe if I'd been more a part of his life in those early years and built a real relationship with him his life wouldn't be the mess it is today. I understand my mother and stepdad can be difficult at times yet when they tell me all the things he has put them through it just makes me angry and by keeping my distance I have probably avoided conflicts with this guy. I have heard of fights where a family member had to step in when another was out of line. Joshua is 30 now and it blows my mind how much time has flown by from when he was that cute little kid who would keep checking to make sure I was still there in the next room because he didn't want me to leave. Hopefully he gets his life together. Mom says give him time and eventually he will come back to us. I want to believe that but in my heart I'm worried about this path dude has taken. I keep really feeling he might need some kind of an intervention.